Past
“Why aren’t you dressed?” Hayley, my best friend since first grade, asked. She was standing in my doorway, staring at me in disbelief. She looked beautiful in her shimmering silver dress with her hair in an updo. Her cosmetics case was tucked under her arm because I was horrible at makeup. How much time had passed since we spoke on the phone today?
“Shit. Sorry. I got caught up in…” I didn’t finish but pointed at my open laptop screen, knowing she would understand. I was supposed to at least be dressed with my hair done, but instead I was still in sweatpants and a ratty T-shirt, sprawled out on the bed watching video clips of me and Parker. Movie ticket stubs, photos of us, and cleverly folded notes surrounded me like a chalk outline on my bed.
Not only had I opened the shoebox vault that stored all our memories, I’d drowned in every piece of memorabilia. Maybe my heart wouldn’t feel broken if Parker had been mean to me, but she was kind and sensitive and sweet. I still didn’t understand why she dumped me. I lost hours of sleep wracking my brain trying to figure out if I came on too strong, or not enough. Was I that horrible to her new friends? Maybe I should have been more patient? God, I missed her. I missed her arms around me and the tiny kisses she placed on my neck whenever we watched movies together, or how she would always play with my hair when we lay on my bed talking.
“What the fuck is happening here?” Hayley kicked off her heels and sat on the bed. She wasn’t pitying me, but I could tell she felt my pain.
“I was getting ready, and legit excited about homecoming, but then I remembered Parker wouldn’t be there and then I got caught up in all this stuff I should’ve burned.” I turned my attention back to the one video I had of us kissing. After the third time I hit play, Hayley gently closed the laptop.
“Okay, enough. We have a really amazing night planned and I need you to put Parker out of your mind for just tonight.” She tugged on my T-shirt. “Look, I know you’re upset about her, but put yourself in her shoes. Her parents aren’t cool like your dad is. They think you’re a monster corrupting her which you totally aren’t.” She held up her hands, knowing I hated that description of our relationship. “But she has to live with them.”
“I love her and I know she loves me, too.”
“Nobody doubts that. It’s not you and it’s not her. Her parents are the world’s biggest Bible-thumping assholes. If it wasn’t for them, you’d still be together, right?”
I sat up and sniffled. “That’s true.”
“Remember that T-shirt we saw in Spencer’s last week? ‘If you love somebody, set them free. If they don’t come back, shoot them.’” Hayley studied my face. “I saw that. It was almost a smile.” She was teasing me and it was working. “She’s setting you free to have fun your senior year and she’s trying to make peace with her parents. I don’t envy her. She’s in a horrible spot.”
My heart felt like a brick. “It’s so unfair.” Everyone was wrong. Time wasn’t healing the heartbreak. Hayley put both hands on my shoulders and made me look at her.
“I know. All this sucks. The girl of your dreams dumped you, and it’s hard, but that’s why we need nights like tonight. Besides, you’re up for homecoming queen. I voted for you so for sure you’ll win.”
I groaned and flopped back on the bed. “Ugh. I don’t have the energy for homecoming right now.” Honestly, prepping for homecoming court was the only thing taking my mind off Parker. “I want to hide in my room and look at our photos and reread the notes she slipped into my locker. Remember when she snuck that cute puma stuffed animal in my equipment bag?” It was still on my bed, the one thing that I didn’t pack away. I grabbed it and absently played with its tail. Hayley picked up my favorite picture of me and Parker.
“I really like this photo. You look so fucking happy.” The photo was of us on the dock last summer. We were completely relaxed. Hayley took the picture. I plucked the photo from her fingertips and held it close to my chest. “That girl is in love with you. There’s no doubt about it. She let you go so you can be who you’re supposed to be. Maybe someday she’ll come back, but right now, her parents call the shots.”
Hayley pulled out the dress we found two weeks ago. At five foot three, the junior department at every department store was designed for her size. I was six feet tall. I had to shop in women’s evening wear at Nordstrom’s and even then, the dress had to be altered.
“Okay, I’ll get ready.”
Hayley held up her hand for a high five but I ignored it. I wasn’t in the mood to celebrate but I owed it to everyone to be there. It was going to take a solid hour to get ready and I was going to need every minute.
“Just so you know, you’re going to win homecoming queen. Your competition sucks,” she said.
“Oh, okay. Let’s see.” I counted on my fingers. “Head cheerleader Missy, her sidekick Amberlynn, student body president Tamryn Sykes, and Avon Vue, which I still say is a fake name, and me. I’m a nobody.” A nobody who got dumped and whose heart would forever malfunction.
“Hello? You’re the only female quarterback in the state! Probably in this time zone. And you have a perfect record this year.”
“We’re only halfway through the season.” Although I pretended I didn’t care, I desperately wanted the undefeated season and a trip to state just to show the world I could do it.
Hayley made me sit while she fixed my hair and applied just the right amount of makeup. I knew we were going to be late, but she didn’t rush us. When she was done, she pulled me to stand in front of my full-length mirror that hung on the back of my door. “You’ll win because you’re nice, beautiful, and involved in every after-school sport and activity. And also, look at my amazing skills. Your hair and makeup are sweet!”
Hayley was my rock. She’d been there when we were thirteen and my mom died of ovarian cancer. She was there a few short months ago when I was dumped by Parker. She’d also had my back for every little thing in between. She was always so confident. I’d never seen her knocked down in the twelve years I’d known her.
I slipped on my heels to complete the look. “Look at me. I’m a giant. I’ll be the tallest one there.” Because of my height I was the best at every sport. The only time I hated it was whenever I had to dress up. Dances, award ceremonies, and away games. Everyone always stared at me.
“Are you kidding me? I don’t know why you don’t model, too.”
“Because I have bumps, bruises, and scars.” From September to December, I wore bruises like badges. My teammates winced when, the day after a game, I had a bruised chin or a butterfly Band-Aid on my hairline from one too many hits on the turf. Thankfully, track and softball weren’t as physical. But her comment flattered me.
“Still the face of an angel. I’d kill for your wavy hair and dark blue eyes,” she said.
“And I would love to be a normal height for the dances.”
“You’re going to be the big spoon in any relationship. Even if you start dating guys.”
I scowled. “Not going to happen.” I knew from the time I was little that I liked girls. Hayley even knew and in middle school when our hormones kicked in, we had a list of the girls I wanted as girlfriends and a list of boys she wanted as boyfriends. Our lists never crossed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t ready when you got here. Thank you for getting me out of my funk,” I said.
Hayley locked her arm with mine. “That’s what best friends are for. Funk busters.”
I laughed because it was such a corny thing to say. “I love you. Let’s go have some fun.”
“Oh, you mean like win homecoming queen? Yeah, I’m down for that.”
* * *
It took every ounce of my being not to tug at my dress. I could see the slight curve of my breasts. Even though it didn’t show much, I still taped it down because the last thing I needed was for my boobs to spring free under the spotlight. Max stood next to me on stage and lifted my hand as we accepted our fate as homecoming king and queen.
“Thank you, Oak Grove!” Max pointed to his crown, then to mine. He bowed deeply to me. “And thank you, homecoming queen Sutton McCoy! Not only did we win tonight, but look at you, sis. Damn.” He turned back to the crowd and pointed at me. “This is our quarterback!” The crowd whistled and hooted.
I blushed under the heavy, bright lights that illuminated us on the pop-up stage. Max led me down the stairs for the obligatory dance. He was still taller so even though he wasn’t as smooth slow dancing, it was nice that I had to look up at him.
“I’m glad you won.” Max was my favorite player on the team. I felt like we would stay friends long after high school was over.
“I’m glad I won, too.” He laughed and twirled me. “Can you imagine me here with Avon?”
“Absolutely not.” Max was dating Becca, a freshman in college, who refused to attend any high school functions. I couldn’t blame her. I didn’t want to be here either.
“Thank God you got the votes. Here’s to the football team crushing everything,” he said.
When the dance ended, he hugged me and whispered, “It’s nice to see you smile and have fun again.”
I hugged him. “Thanks, Max, for being a good friend, especially during the breakup.”
He sighed. “That was brutal. And don’t even get me started on that douchebag she’s dating. Too bad I’m not on defense. I’d break his leg.” His words were harsh, but they made me smile. Max had my back on the field and off.
“First loves. Ugh. Am I right?” If I didn’t joke about it, I’d cry and Hayley would hate it if I ruined her stellar makeup job.
“Well, she’s missing out because you’re on fire and one day she’s going to regret hurting you,” he said.