I
SABELLA
We don’t talk
about how my phone never has a signal when he’s near. We don’t know why, but he can’t own a cellular phone --- it’s useless to him. Mine only works when we’re not together. This is why our home has a landline.
We don’t talk about the thick ropy scar on his neck, though he catches me caressing it sometimes and goes to great lengths to hide it from everyone else.
We don’t say the words we can read in one another’s eyes.
When he doesn’t understand something, some reference, some piece of technology, I just patiently explain it to him, often covertly.
He’s smart. He’s caring. He loves me. We got married two weeks after last Halloween when he asked me. He has been the absolute best happily ever after, well… ever.
It’s Halloween today, two years from the day I first met him. And it’s forever going to be a special day. It’s going to be special for another reason today.
Today, I found out I’m pregnant.
We’re going to have a baby. I am elated. But, I’ve also got some very complicated emotions, too.
I feel like I need him to know about the baby we lost. I feel guilty. So guilty. I have to find a way to carefully communicate this to him when I tell him about the baby that’s coming, while expressing my immense feelings of loss, of self-blame.
How? I have to find a way.
