part0084

Golden gates, intricately engraved amidst masses of ethereal angels? Back to back memories of my life up until twenty-eight? My funeral? Liam shedding a tear as he said goodbye?

His love delivered me from evil before it was yanked from my fingertips. He held on. He tried. But, there was only so long that he could until he couldn’t take it anymore.

I could’ve told him not to go, like I had begged him so many times before, but who was I to dictate the choice that he made? He was hurting – diseased since he was a baby. Born sick, he had no choice but to find a silver lining in everything. That’s why I found him so beautiful.

All I am is my conscience, nothing more. My existence has dissipated, my body being traded for nothing. I’m left with only the voice in my head. The same voice that tells me that I can’t. That I’m not good enough. That reminds me of every mistake I’ve ever made. It’s the voice that subsequently became my cheerleader the more that I fought against it, because it was my mother all along, and boy did I love proving her wrong. She was the voice in my mind, and now it seems that she’ll also accompany me in death. The thought is horrifying. Then again, I am the fool that pulled the plug without knowing what was on the other side.

Time doesn’t exist in this black infinity, or so it seems. I’m not quite sure how much time passes before the light appears in the distance, shining against the floor and walls of what I’m assuming is my blank mind. I still don’t feel a thing as I move towards it. It’s like I’m floating, no body attached. This must be my soul, leading me from death to the afterlife. I’m not afraid. I’m not even a little anxious.