Lilah crinkled her nose at her reflection in the mirror, the latter of which was covered in scrawls of flaking lipstick and beer labels. She was wearing the strapless denim dress that Seth had stolen for her, which was simultaneously slipping down her chest and riding up her hips. Back in the parking lot, beneath the orange glow of a nearby streetlamp, Seth had brushed a thick layer of glittery black eyeshadow across her eyelids and even managed to wrestle her tumbles of long hair into a messy knot atop her head. Now, loose tendrils of red hair escaped from their pins and fell across her face and bare shoulders. In another setting, the hairstyle might have looked nice, but beneath the harsh lightning of the public bathroom and the curtain of cigarette smoke that drifted out from underneath the occupied stalls, Lilah thought she looked like a clown – a clown in an ill-fitting, stolen dress, and fidgety hands with giant black X’s slashed across them. She grimaced at the ink anxiously, knowing she’d have to scrub her hands raw later that night so the telltale marks wouldn’t be a dead giveaway to her father. Sighing in resignation – she might just have to wear mittens inside for the rest of the weekend – Lilah gave the bottom of her dress a sharp tug, then made her way through the gaggle of drunk girls that was blocking the bathroom exit.
Outside the bathrooms, Seth was nowhere to be seen, and the house lights had been dimmed for the first set of the night. Lilah anxiously made her way through the darkened auditorium, feeling rather small and vulnerable in a crowd that appeared to be mostly college-aged guys. A high-pitched whine and a sharp crackle let her know the opening band had taken to the stage. Within moments, angry, discordant notes rang through the towers of speakers that were far too loud for such a modest concert venue. Weaving through the crowd with her hands clamped over her ears, Lilah stood on her tip-toes to try and find Seth above the sea of bobbing heads and shoulders. A glimpse of studded leather caught her eye – he was in the middle of the crowd, just a few feet away from the stage, talking to some guy.
Benny? She gawked at the taller boy in surprise. When had the two of them started talking again? Wouldn’t Seth have mentioned something about it? Feeling puzzled and more than a little hurt by Seth’s omission, Lilah shoved her way through the crowd of giants, doing her best to avoid the glowing tips of lit cigarettes and sloshing cups of cheap beer. She had intended on marching right up to Seth and demanding an explanation – after all, he’d totally ditched her outside the bathrooms – but when she was just within shouting distance of the two of them, her eyes fell upon the little baggy of pills that was being passed between them. It looked almost empty. And now that she was closer to him and Benny, she could see how bloodshot their eyes looked.
What the hell are they thinking? She hugged her body tightly, wondering if there might be a payphone nearby. She’d be grounded for a month for lying to her father, but at least she’d be home and away from this place.
A sharp tap on her shoulder made her jump. She whipped around, half expecting her father to be standing behind her, ready to hoist her over his shoulder in typical fireman fashion and stomp out the door.
A quiet gasp escaped her lips.
“Hey,” Jace smiled, taking a sip from a plastic cup. Somehow, the backs of his hands were completely ink-free.
“Oh, hey!” Lilah exclaimed, then grimaced. Be cool, Lilah!
“Are you here alone?” Jace asked. Even in the dark, his chiseled face starkly illuminated by red strobe lights, he was so handsome. His blond hair had been combed away from his face, and his tight, black sweater was rolled to his elbows, exposing muscular forearms that had been hardened from years of baseball practice.
Lilah shook her head, suddenly remembering that he’d asked her something. “Sorry, what? It’s so loud in here!” On stage, the guitarist had dropped to his knees to screech out a shrill, drawn-out riff.
Jace started to say something, gave up, then motioned for her to follow him, holding his free hand behind his back as he pushed through the crowd. Lilah stared at it awkwardly as she followed close behind, unsure what to do. He glanced at her over his shoulder, grinned, then took her hand in his. Lilah’s heart raced in her chest; Jace McKinnon was holding her hand! His skin felt warm and rough against hers. Half-lidded with bliss, she allowed herself to be pulled through the crowd, going so far as to pinch her arm to make sure she wasn’t dreaming. Jace led her to a staircase that connected to the balcony level of the venue, then jogged up the stairs, two at a time. Once they reached the top, Lilah sighed in relief. From up there, the music wasn’t nearly as loud, and only a handful of other people were standing around, most of them leaning against the ledge of the balcony to watch the concert below. A few couples were making out in low booths on the far wall, their dwindling cigarettes abandoned to ashtrays. Lilah bit her lip as she watched them, grateful that the red lights of the club camouflaged the crimson flush in her cheeks.
“That’s better,” Jace smiled, turning to face her. He was still clasping her hand in his. Lilah’s eyes trailed to their entwined fingers, unsure whether it would be more awkward to pull away, or keep holding on. In the end, she shoved both her hands in her frayed dress pockets, which not only provided a good excuse to let go, but also prevented the stupid thing from riding any farther up her hips.
“I was asking if you were here alone,” Jace asked, taking another swig from his cup. “I figured you’d be here with Seth.”
Lilah’s eyes trailed to the floor below, where Seth and his supposedly-ex-boyfriend were standing. They had abandoned their conversation in favor of other, far more physical activities. Was getting back together his plan this entire time? Lilah frowned at her friend. Or did the pills do that?
Jace’s eyes followed hers to the center of the room below. “Oh. Yeah. Guess we both got ditched tonight, huh?”
Lilah could only manage a nod. Her stomach was filled with butterflies, and something about the flashing strobe lights below was making her head spin. She pulled her eyes away from the floor, focusing on Jace instead. That only made the butterflies worse. “Wait… You got ditched too?”
“Yep, I came with your buddy’s date. Benny’s sister was supposed to come too, but she got sick at the last minute. So now it’s just me.”
Lilah’s shoulders fell. “Oh. I–I’m sorry.”
Jace shrugged. “Eh, what can you do? But, hey, at least it’s a good excuse to talk to someone new.” He took a long swig, then reached forward to brush a strand of hair from Lilah’s face.
Keeping her features composed took everything Lilah had and then some. “S–Sorry, but I don’t understand. You haven’t talked to me in years. Why are you suddenly interested in hanging out again?”
Jace shrugged for a second time, then took another gulp of his drink. “Well, I’m talking to you now, aren’t I?
A familiar smell hit Lilah’s nose; she knew it from spending Sunday afternoons with her dad while he watched football. “Are you drinking beer?”
“Yeah, do you want some?” he asked, offering her his cup. “My stepbrother lent me his ID for the night.”
Lilah shook her head firmly. A little too firmly – it made the balcony spin in a way that sent her stomach lurching. She gripped the railing, trying to steady herself. The strobe lights were pulsing in rhythm with the furious riff of the electric guitar below, and something about the intermittent flashes made her head ache. Badly.
“Why not? It might help you loosen up. You seem a little… uptight.”
Lilah felt a sharp stab of embarrassment as Seth’s voice echoed alongside Jace’s comment: Jesus, Li. When are you gonna grow out of this lame Goody Two-shoes phase? You’re so boring sometimes! Her hand flew to her breast pocket, where a tiny purple pill was burning a hole through it. Seth had given it to her in the parking lot, once more reminding her that she needed to let loose and live a little. She grasped it between her fingers for a moment, trying to make out the tiny markings in the darkness. Somewhere in the back of her mind, her father’s voice was yelling at her: Stupid! Reckless! Totally irresponsible!
“What’s that?” Jace asked.
That persistent, insecure voice that plagues every teenage girl at one time or another drowned out the sound of her father: This is your one and only chance to impress him. After tonight, he’ll be back at the jock table, laughing with the prettiest girl in town.
“Something to make me less uptight.”
Before he could reply, she popped the pill in her mouth, taking a large swig of Jace’s beer to choke it down. But a half-second later, she spit the beer back out, not realizing that the little purple pill had sloshed to the bottom of the cup along with it. As dark as the balcony was, Jace hadn’t noticed either. Lilah choked back a gag. The beer tasted so bitter! Why would anyone drink that stuff willingly? She clenched her eyes shut, trying to rid herself of the caustic taste in her mouth, as well as the nausea that accompanied it. When she opened her eyes again, Jace was staring at her with a mix of awe and concern.
“I… wow, Lilah. I didn’t take you for a, well… Yeah.” He took his beer back from her and downed the rest of it in one gulp. That time, he grimaced too, and Lilah blushed, crimson shame filling her cheeks.
Lilah couldn’t have known that it wasn’t the backwash that made Jace’s face contort into a scowl; he desperately wanted to tell Lilah that he’d never downed a beer before in his life, that he didn’t like the taste either but his stepfather – a devout alcoholic – had always claimed it helped with anxiety. But the moment Lilah swallowed that pill – or so he thought – his mind went completely blank. He was shocked – and more than a little buzzed.
Lilah, in the meantime, was doing her best not to hyperventilate. What have I done? she fretted to herself, hot tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. What’s going to happen to me now? She leaned over the balcony, pretending to be engrossed in the concert so Jace couldn’t see the panic that was gripping her. The strobe lights blinked and pulsed against her dilated pupils, and she felt another wave of nausea threatening to overtake her. The music suddenly felt very far away, as though a long narrow tunnel separated her from the speakers. And as her pulse began to rise and her breaths began to quicken, the lights themselves appeared to slow. With every ragged breath, the entire venue – the walls, the stage, every person crammed onto its palpitating floor – became washed out in blinding white light; then, in what felt like an interminable moment later, everything faded to utter blackness, as though nothing and no one remained in that obsidian void. White to black, black to white, each transition was slower than the last.
Vomit burned at the back of Lilah’s throat as a soft groan escaped her lips. She tried to squeeze her eyes shut to block out the dizzying strobes, but her eyelids were stuck wide open. Her fingernails dug into the ledge of the balcony as every muscle in her arms and legs began to seize. Somewhere in the very back of her mind, she wondered what exactly was in that pill.
“Lilah?” someone asked. “Are you okay?”
She tried to answer, but her mouth wasn’t cooperating. Jace had begun to shout, his face intermittently light and dark, light and dark. Lilah could only watch with vacant eyes as something strange began to happen to him in between the interludes of darkness. Alone in the void, a single thought gripped the back of her mind: If I die here, Dad will be all alone…
As dazzling white light once more illuminated the room, Jace was gone; in his place stood a young boy with chin-length blond hair. His eyes were wide with alarm as he looked up at her, shouting frightened questions – questions she was unable to answer, unable to hear.
Blackness enveloped the venue once more, plunging the boy and the balcony into darkness. For everyone else at the concert, the eclipse only lasted a fraction of a second. But for Lilah, it stretched on for eternity.
Flash! Blinding strobe lights seared the edges of Lilah’s vision as a bearded man with glasses and a receding hairline stood before her. He, too, was shouting at Lilah frantically, unaware that he had been a boy of no more than eight a fraction of a moment ago.
Blackness. The only sounds Lilah could hear were her own ragged breaths, quick and shallow as a stream.
Flash! The little boy was back once more, even younger than before. Tears gathered in his round, blue eyes. Lilah wanted to comfort him, to say something – anything – but pain was ripping through her head, blocking her ability to speak. The boy let out a scream as the ground gave way beneath them, sending them both tumbling through the space where the floor used to be.
Blackness.
Then all was silent.