They’d arranged to meet at 7pm but he was late, and Eve sat at a corner table sipping a glass of wine, trying not to look as if she’d been stood up. She had made an effort before she came out tonight, straightening her hair and putting on eyeshadow and lipstick. For the life of her, she didn’t know why she’d bothered. Bloody man; it was so typical he was keeping her waiting like this.
‘Sorry, sorry,’ he said, striding up to the table and shrugging off his coat. ‘Awful traffic. I don’t usually come over to this side of the city after work.’
This side of the city. The way he said it made it sound as if she lived in a corrugated iron shack in a slum with open sewers. But just a few years ago, Bedminster had been his side of the city too.
‘Want another one of those?’ he asked, pointing to her glass, which was now nearly empty.
Eve watched him lean against the bar, pointing out the brand of bottled beer he wanted, reaching into his back pocket for his wallet. Even after all this time, something jolted, deep in the pit of her stomach, as she saw him smile and flirt with the barmaid.
She didn’t love Ben anymore – most of the time she didn’t even like him very much – but their shared history had left its mark on her. He was a good-looking man, that hadn’t changed. If anything, he looked more handsome now than he had done when they met ten years ago. There were tiny flecks of grey in his hair, and the laughter lines on either side of his eyes were deeper – but none of that made Ben, aged forty, less attractive than the younger version she had fallen in love with. Why was it that men didn’t need to care about the signs that their bodies were on the downhill straight, whereas women ran themselves ragged dying their roots, bleaching their facial hair and trying to disguise spider veins and stretch marks?
She looked down at her hands and ran her finger across a brown mark that was too large to be a freckle so might be officially classified as a liver spot. She half expected it to disappear as the skin settled back into place again, but it was still there, yelling old woman’s hands at her.
Ben was walking back, carrying a drink in each hand, with a packet of crisps between his teeth. From a certain angle he really did look a little bit like George Clooney: if you squinted and made everything slightly fuzzy.
‘Why are you doing that weird thing with your eyes?’ he asked, dropping the crisps onto the table and passing her a glass of wine. ‘God, what a day I’ve had. One boring meeting after another; didn’t get anything done. Then I had to find something constructive to do with two new interns. Two! I ask you, how come I’m the mug that gets two of them in his department? One would be bad enough. I know they need to be trained up, but it takes so bloody long to run through everything with them, it ends up taking twice as long as it would if you’d just got on and done the work yourself.’
Eve had been looking forward to this evening. Although they weren’t meeting for an ideal reason, she’d enjoyed the prospect that they were going out and it would be just the two of them. This hadn’t happened in such a long time; years in fact. The last time must have been when they finalised all the maintenance details after the separation. They’d met in a pub very like this one, sitting across the table from each other and making notes, agreeing that the whole thing was awkward, but congratulating themselves that they were handling everything like grown-ups.
But now she was sitting inches away from her former lover, she was remembering all the things about him which she didn’t like so much. There had always been an arrogance there; a self-centred obsession with his work and his own importance. Ben had been a young, nervous intern once; he would have been the one taking up the precious time of someone much more important, as he learnt on the job. But he wouldn’t thank her for reminding him about that. Any more than he’d take the time to ask how she was, or how her job was going. Or maybe tell her she looked nice, or that her new haircut suited her. He wasn’t being deliberately cruel or thoughtless; he just didn’t care.
‘So,’ he said. ‘What’s been going on with Daniel then? I know you said he’s still not settled. I just can’t understand it – this doesn’t sound like him. He’s such a relaxed, happy little chap when he’s with us.’
She bristled and bit the inside of her lip, reminding herself not to be oversensitive. ‘He’s the same when he’s at home with me,’ she said. ‘I’ve never seen him getting really wound up or angry. He’s high-spirited sometimes, but I don’t know a single six-year-old boy who isn’t.’
‘What exactly is he doing wrong?’ asked Ben, reaching forward and tearing open the packet of crisps.
‘It sounds like it’s mostly to do with one other boy, called Liam something or other. I can’t remember his surname. Mrs Russell said that Daniel has been fighting with him but I don’t really know any more than that. She said he’d been disruptive in the classroom as well and hadn’t calmed down when he was told off, but I don’t know if Liam was involved that time.’
‘You don’t sound like you know much about it,’ said Ben, pulling his phone from his pocket and scrolling through some messages as he put it on the table in front of him.
‘Well, of course I do! That’s ridiculous.’ Eve took a deep breath. Keep calm; don’t react. She mustn’t let him wind her up, they weren’t here to fight. ‘It’s just that Daniel won’t tell me what’s going on and Mrs Russell isn’t the easiest person to talk to. She’s a bit abrasive.’
‘Did you ask her what the school have done to try and sort it out?’
‘Yes, I did! Honestly, Ben, I’m not a total idiot. It’s just that she’s quite prickly and I don’t think she likes me very much – actually I don’t think she likes me at all. And it’s always awkward going in to see the teacher in those sorts of situations. You feel on the defensive and it’s only afterwards that you think about all the questions you could have asked. You know how it is.’
He didn’t; he hadn’t gone with her to any of these sessions where parents were grilled, roasted and hung out to dry by an antagonistic teacher. Eve was waiting for a response, but Ben’s phone pinged and he looked down and grinned as he read a text.
‘Anyway,’ she carried on. ‘It would have been helpful if you’d been there as well, because we ought to present a united front at the school. We need to show them that, just because we’re not together, it doesn’t mean we don’t both have Daniel’s best interests at heart.’
‘Well, of course we do! What a ridiculous thing to say,’ said Ben, finishing his beer. ‘I need another one. You okay with that?’ He didn’t wait for an answer and got up and walked back to the bar, waving at the pretty barmaid.
Eve sat back in her chair: this wasn’t going to plan – why were they bitching at each other already? This shouldn’t be about the two of them, it was about their son. But she did have the right to point out that Ben was less than supportive when it came to attending parents’ evenings – or anything else related to the school. He was never outside the gates waiting to pick up Daniel – even on Wednesdays when he had him overnight – and she could only remember him meeting the Reception teacher once during the whole of last year, and that had been at an end-of-term concert. She didn’t want to pick a fight, but it wasn’t fair that she was the one doing all the heavy lifting here.
‘Right,’ said Ben, sitting back down. ‘Let’s forget the detail and look at the bigger picture. The problem is that Daniel is clearly unhappy. I don’t think it’s about him being a bully or just behaving badly for the hell of it, because he’s not that kind of child.’
Eve nodded, that was true.
‘So, we need to find out why he’s miserable. The subject hasn’t come up when he’s been staying with us, we’ve never had any need to talk to him about it because he’s always a happy lad. If he hadn’t been, then either Lou or I would have made a point of sitting down with him and finding out what was going on.’
‘He’s happy with me, too,’ said Eve, hating the defensiveness in her own voice.
‘What I don’t get,’ he was saying, ‘is why you didn’t know about any of this? I mean, I can sort of understand that he’s always on good form when he stays with me and Lou, because he doesn’t see us all the time, so it’s exciting when he comes to our house – and a bit special. But he’s with you for most of the week, so I would have thought you’d see a wider range of behaviour?’
‘What are you suggesting – that he’s not as happy with me?’
‘I’m not saying that. But you’ll see him, warts and all, whereas we see a different side of him. And, of course, Keira’s there and he just adores her, so that keeps him cheerful. They spend a lot of time together playing and just hanging out, watching TV.’
Mention of Ben’s pretty, blonde daughter reminded Eve about what Daniel had said on Sunday. She had been trying not to think about it, which wasn’t easy because it seemed to be the only thing Daniel wanted to talk about. She’d snapped at him last night, when he’d been chatting – yet again – about his new brother.
‘I want him to be called Jack!’ he’d said. ‘Lou likes Jack as well but Daddy likes Oscar or Joshua. But they say we’ll all get to choose his name together when he’s born. We’ll wait to see what he looks like, and Lou says that when we see his face we’ll know if one of our names suits him more than the others.’
‘Okay, Daniel, that’s enough about the baby!’ she’d said, immediately feeling awful when she saw the look on his face. ‘Sweetheart, I’m sorry, I don’t mean that. I know you’re excited. We’re all excited! It’s such a wonderful thing to be happening. But it’s going to be a long time before the baby arrives and I’m sure you’ll all have thought of other names by then.’
Daniel had glared at her before turning back to the television and, in the set of his jaw, he had reminded her so much of his father. Now Ben was sitting opposite her at the table, glaring at her in a similar way.
‘The thing is, Eve, I’m just surprised you didn’t pick up on any of this. You’re his mother, you’re the one who sees him most of the time. Surely you should have noticed things weren’t right?’
‘Oh, that’s great, blame me–’
‘I’m not blaming you. I’m just saying that we don’t see as much of him, so we can’t be expected to pick up on signals in the same way.’
It was that bloody we again. She hated it. ‘Of course you should be able to notice when things aren’t right. He’s your son too, Ben. I would have thought you’d like to claim you know him just as well as I do.’
‘What’s that meant to mean? I’d like to claim…?’
‘You just can’t lay all of this on me,’ said Eve. ‘It’s not fair.’
‘Oh, grow up,’ said Ben. ‘Life’s not fair.’
‘Anyway, he’s sometimes quite unsettled when he comes back from yours. It must be really hard for him having to slot into two families. I try to keep things steady and consistent, to counteract whatever happens when he’s at yours.’
‘What the hell needs counteracting? He has a really good time when he’s with us. We give those kids everything they could want and we know he’s happy. We make sure he feels part of a secure family unit.’
That stung. She grasped the stem of her wine glass tightly, imagining herself throwing the contents at him and watching wine dribble down the side of his face.
‘Oh yes, speaking of which, I hear you’re expanding that lovely family unit. Congratulations – another son on the way! Goodness, you and Lou will have your hands full. I hope this isn’t going to mean your firstborn gets less of your attention, Ben. In fact, I wonder if that has occurred to him as well? It wouldn’t be surprising if Daniel is already worrying about being pushed out over the next few months – scared you’ll have less time for him and won’t be able to do as much with him. Or he may be worrying you won’t even want him around like you do now? You and Lou having another little boy isn’t going to help him feel any more secure and confident, is it?’
As the words came out of her mouth, she hated herself for saying them. None of it was even true: she knew Daniel’s six-year-old brain was thrilled at the prospect of having a brother. He hadn’t for one moment begun to wonder if his daddy would love him a little less.
‘God, when did you turn into such a mean bitch?’ said Ben. ‘I know you’re trying to put all of this on to me, but it’s just pathetic. You’re his mother, you’re the one who should have noticed something wasn’t right, and if you stopped feeling so hard done by for a minute, you’d start to realise that’s true. To be honest, it’s worrying me that you’re the one in sole charge of him for the majority of the time. You’re so wrapped up in yourself, you can’t even see what’s happening under your nose and how unhappy your son must be.’
‘That’s unfair,’ said Eve, her heart thumping so hard her voice quavered. ‘I’m not wrapped up in myself. God, I have no time at all to worry about my own life!’
‘It’s the truth, Eve,’ he said. ‘I don’t think Daniel is a priority for you anymore, and that concerns me.’
He picked up his phone and his wallet and stood up, pulling his coat off the back of the chair.
‘I’ve been thinking a lot about our move to Glasgow, and worrying whether we’re doing the right thing. I’ve been saying to Lou that maybe it’s not fair on Daniel to uproot him – and last week I even said to her that what we’re planning isn’t fair on you! God, it’s crazy but I’ve been fighting your corner, even though this should be about me and Lou – it’s our life and our future. Well, I can see now I’ve been an idiot. You’re not a fit mother and you’re not doing a great job of looking after our son, so maybe it’s a good thing he’s going to come and live with us. You don’t deserve to have him.’