Austin hoped that by the time they solved this—if they did—he would have overcome his issues.
They had hit him full-on when he stared down at his father’s tombstone. It had taken all his willpower to hold himself together and not fall to his knees in anguish. The man shouldn’t have died. Austin had been there. He should have stopped the chain of events that led to the tragedy. Could he ever stop blaming himself?
Though he was still chafing at seeing his father’s grave, he kept his composure as he approached her.
Willow crouched close to a tombstone and ran her hands over the epitaph and name. Benjamin Haus. 1910–1989. What was she thinking about? She was obviously distracted today. His fault. He’d been the one to distract her with his dark mood. She’d always been hypersensitive to his disposition.
“I had hoped that by coming here we’d run across something to help us. At least that’s the way it always seemed to work for JT.”
“He trained you well, Willow. We’ll find something.” Austin hoped, for her sake, if nothing else. Willow couldn’t seem to recognize or accept that she had JT’s gift, his talent, in addition to all the experience and training he’d given her. Maybe by the time this was over she would see it well enough.
Her bright eyes lifted from the tombstone to peer up at him. Her long, shiny mane hung down just so. What a picture-perfect moment—for a genealogical magazine, that is.
She rose and dusted off her pants.
As they headed back to the Jeep, Austin scanned the area but no longer saw the suspicious vehicle. He almost felt silly. Except there was nothing wrong with being overly cautious if it made the difference in a life. If only he’d believed that before his father had been killed.
Without thinking, Austin took Willow’s hand as they walked. She didn’t resist, but Austin wasn’t sure why he’d done it. Old habits died hard, maybe. It was sure looking that way when it came to Willow. But she was much more than an old habit to him. She obviously meant far more to him than he had a right to feel.
Once they were in the car, they buckled their seat belts and Austin started the ignition.
“What about your brother?” Willow asked.
“What about him?”
“If you haven’t seen him in so long, then why not go there now? We’re close to Grayback, aren’t we?”
He dropped his hands from the steering wheel. Thought about it.
“What are you waiting for?” She peered at the mirror in the visor and pushed aside a few loose strands of hair. “People exit this earth, leaving issues behind. Death doesn’t wait for us to resolve our regrets. You need to reconcile broken relationships.”
She was right. “Don’t you think I know that?”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to intrude. It’s none of my business. But, Austin, I wasn’t ready for JT to die. He was so full of life, and if I’d had an inkling that would happen I would have done everything differently.”
He backed the Jeep out of the parking lot, still uncertain which direction he would head. “What would you have done differently?”
“I would have been in town for one thing. I’d been traveling too much. I was too busy working, albeit in business with him, but I wasn’t deliberate about spending quality time with him. I would have had breakfast with him. Spent the day looking at photo albums. Telling and showing him how much I loved him. And . . . and I wouldn’t have let him get on that bike that morning.”
Her words impacted him and he steered toward Grayback. “That’s just it. We can’t know when it’s our time.”
“So we have to live every day as if it’s our last. As if there’s no tomorrow.”
“Are you doing that now? Are you living this day as if there’s no tomorrow? Is this what you really want to be doing?”
He wished he hadn’t asked the questions. Because deep down, if this were his last day on earth, he’d want to be with Willow. He sure hoped she didn’t ask him the same kind of questions. He didn’t want to have to answer.
“Yes. I want to be doing good in the world. Doing what God called me to do. If that means helping a dying woman find her daughter so she can tell her that she loves her, then yes, I’m living to the fullest. But you’re missing the point.”
“No. I didn’t miss it. You’re trying to tell me I shouldn’t let more time go by without talking to my brothers. Heath is here. Liam is a DEA agent. He works undercover a lot. I don’t even know where he is.” Shame flooded him.
“But you can start with Heath here and now.”
Her voice was entirely too happy. That shouldn’t grate against his nerves, but Willow acted as if she were solving his problems. It wasn’t that simple.
“You know what?” He steered into the Elkhorn Convenience Store parking lot. He wondered if Jax and Addie still owned and operated it. “I need to call him first. I can’t just show up without calling. It wouldn’t be considerate.”
That wasn’t the whole of it. He couldn’t face his brother, talk to him for the first time with Willow looking on, especially since he’d gone to so much trouble to hide his past from her and lost her for it. At the time, they’d taken their relationship as far as they could. Willow couldn’t go deeper with him, a man who kept too many secrets, she’d said.
He regretted his inability to give her what she’d wanted. They’d spent a lifetime, he and his brothers, hiding their complete dysfunction as a family from the public eye. Another old habit he’d been unable to quit. He’d just kept on hiding.
“While you’re calling Heath, I should call Dana and then Katelyn to check in and give them an update. I just wish I had something good to report. We need a break.”
He understood all too well about needing a break—that one clue, that one piece of information that could change everything. He hoped this didn’t turn out to be a dead end and huge disappointment.
Austin got out of the Jeep, leaned against it, and got out his cell phone.
“I’m going inside to get us something to drink,” Willow said.
He nodded and watched the passing cars on the two-lane road between Jackson and Grayback near the Gros Ventre Range, still part of Bridger-Teton National Forest. Funny that he’d come this far but hadn’t made it the whole way. Not yet. He might go in and say hello if Jax or Addie was there, depending on how his phone call to Heath went. In the meantime, he watched the door to the store, guarding it from a distance.
He stared at his phone. Now he’d come to the moment he’d successfully avoided since Heath had contacted Emma, asking for Austin’s number. He was obviously waiting for Austin to make the next move. Ridiculous.
I’m not ready, Lord. I’m just not ready.
Too much time had already gone by. How much more time would he let go by before seeing his brothers, or at least one of them? They were the only family he had. Would it take another death, and this time the death of one of his brothers?
He missed them. Growing up, they’d been close and leaned on each other through the struggles with their alcoholic father. Their father’s brutality had forced them to toughen up in order to survive, and as soon as they’d gotten the chance, they’d each found a way to escape and gone their separate ways. Heath had dreamed of joining the army, but he’d been protective of Austin, the youngest of the three, and had waited until Austin had turned eighteen and gone off to basic training himself. Heath hadn’t wanted to leave Austin at home alone to bear the brunt of their father’s wrath. Liam, a year and a half younger than Heath and older than Austin, had left as soon as he could. Another McKade to join the ranks of military servicemen.
Heath had become a Green Beret, Austin an air force fighter pilot, and Liam had been navy.
Funny how long ago they couldn’t wait for the chance to get away. Now Heath was back, his feet anchored deep in the soil of his birthplace, and Austin had come back too, drawn by some invisible force. Only Austin had no plans to stay.
He’d returned once before since leaving home, and coming back had been the biggest mistake of his life. Somehow, Austin should have done something to prevent his father’s death. He knew it. His brothers knew it too. They blamed him. How could they not? Guilt lingered in the recesses of his heart and mind, ready to rush forward and paralyze him. He hadn’t wanted to look into Heath’s eyes and see the disappointment, the blame there, like he’d seen on the day it happened, and again at the funeral. He couldn’t bear to see that in his brother’s eyes, so he hadn’t come back.
But if he stood here and thought about it too long and hard, he would never call Heath.
If he’d learned anything while working with the Child Abduction Rapid Deployment team, it was that every second of every minute counted. He could apply that to life in general. He’d already wasted too much time. He stared at the number, then mustered the courage and hit the call button. As he waited for the call to connect, a cloud moved over the sun, leaving him in the shadows. Crows gathered on a nearby electrical line, cawing. A bunny dashed across the field next to the Elkhorn.
He glanced at the Elkhorn storefront—the posts made out of knobby lodgepole pine holding up the porch of the older-than-dirt store. Metal cowboy and western-life silhouettes graced the storefront.
Willow still hadn’t returned.
Maybe he should check on her, then call Heath back.
“Hello?” Heath answered.
Austin’s heart surged to his throat.
“Hello? Austin, that you?”
“It’s me,” he said. He had to find his voice. The words he planned to say. Except he didn’t have any.
“I’m glad you finally called me back. Glad it wasn’t an emergency or that I needed to get ahold of you.” Heath had an edge to his voice.
Here we go again. Of course Heath would have to jab at him about taking so long. Laying into him like he was a child. The black sheep of the family. He cringed inside, sagging against the vehicle. Heath sounded so much like Dad. It took Austin back to a place he didn’t want to go. He almost wished he hadn’t called. “Sorry. There’s been a lot that’s happened.”
“Listen.” Heath blew out a breath. Austin could picture him pinching his nose. Reconsidering his words. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to jump down your throat. I know I sounded just like him, didn’t I?” Heath released an incredulous laugh.
Austin didn’t know what to say. He paced the cracked parking lot long in need of repair. Kicked around a few pebbles.
“I swore I’d never be like him,” Heath finally said. “But all that aside, how are you, little brother?”
Now there was the Heath that Austin remembered. And loved. Relief swelled inside.
“I’m here in Wyoming. Stopped at the Elkhorn store.”
Now it was Heath’s turn to be speechless.
Austin offered a chuckle to dispel the awkward moment. “Surprise, surprise.”
Heath sputtered a laugh. “Surprise indeed. So what’s keeping you away? Come on home.”
Home? Austin didn’t want to think of it as home. The house and ranch belonged to Heath. Dad had left his oldest son everything, as if he’d lived in the Dark Ages.
“I have a matter to take care of first, then I’ll stop by. I’m not keeping you from anything, am I?”
“Nothing that can’t wait until later. Are you in Wyoming on business?”
Austin squinted up at the sky, then glanced once again at the store. “You could say that.”
He walked to the end of the vehicle. On the other side of the Elkhorn sat that same SUV he’d seen at the park and twice before.