No Longer Thirsty

Based on John 2

I heard the men whispering. My father-in-law was visibly upset.

I couldn’t imagine what could be wrong. We’d been celebrating my wedding for a perfect few days, and the party wasn’t over. I couldn’t wait to get settled into the business of starting our home and family, but I was savoring every second with our friends and family, dancing and eating and enjoying each other and all that Yahweh had done for us.

Across the crowd, my father-in-law and a small group of men began to pull in their wives, whispering and continually looking over at me. Their panic terrified me. I moved toward my mother. She was crying. When I got to her, she grabbed both of my hands, her eyes locked on mine. “There isn’t enough. The wine is gone.”

For months we’d been preparing for the biggest week of our lives. We knew it would be a stretch for our meager budget to provide for the many people who were traveling to celebrate with us. So many people loved and respected our families. We bought all that we could afford, and as families we prayed over the boxes of food and wine, begging, “God, please let it be enough.”

We’d been so eager to get married, and now our families would be facing our greatest shame. I couldn’t breathe. Our friends who’d come to celebrate us would begin to judge and shame us.

The first wave of the coming flood of embarrassment and guilt hit me.

I slipped away to a quiet place. I knelt on the dusty floor and begged our God once again, “Please spare us from this embarrassment.”

Before I stood, I heard the shouting, and then I heard the words, “The. Very. Best. Wine.”

Days later, the guests were gone, and we’d nearly finished cleaning up the remnants of the celebration. The enormous clay jars, normally reserved for ceremonial cleansing, still sat in our courtyard, mostly full of the finest wine any of us had ever drunk.

I noticed my father-in-law staring at them. It was obvious he was even more confused than I was. He called for the servants.

Two quickly darted around the corner, and he asked them to sit down. “Can you tell us what happened?”

They exchanged glances but neither spoke up. Finally one of them cleared his throat and said, “Sir, I don’t know. When the wine was running out, you know we were all panicked. Shortly after I came to you, the woman Mary called for me. Then her son Jesus simply asked me to fill the cleansing jars with water. I did it.”

I didn’t understand. What was he saying? We all had heard that Jesus and Mary had been part of gathering the wine. I was impatient. “But where did the wine come from?”

“All I know is that I filled the jars with water, and when I drew from the water, it was dark-red wine. That is what I brought to the master of the feast.”

We all stared at the dusty floor.

We had been rescued by our friend. We were spared embarrassment. We were grateful.

But water to wine. It’s just not possible. I had often wandered into the vineyards near my childhood home to be alone and think and steal a grape or two. The workers in the field were sweaty as they pruned back dead branches and tried their best to not disturb the grapes. After a year of waiting, the ripe grapes were gently picked. Then they were cleaned and smashed and their juice poured into jars that would often sit untouched for years to produce the very best wine. I could think of no harder work, no more patient labor than winemaking. The sweat, the work, the resolve, the patience; I was familiar with all it took to create fine wine.

And yet Jesus spoke and water became fine wine? Who is this man? Who with a word could do what takes dozens of men with an abundance of resources many years?

My father-in-law finally spoke. He looked at the servant and said, “Bring me some more of that wine.”

We all laughed, but I wasn’t settled. Jesus. I hoped He and His men would visit again. I wanted to thank Him for saving our wedding. But even more, I longed to understand who He was.

The Stream of Fulfillment

The sun was setting as Cassie made her way toward the man in full dress uniform, eager to become his wife. Zac and I had been a part of Cassie’s life since she was in high school. She’d been a fixture in our lives, someone our kids had long looked up to. We all had watched her grow from an insecure darling girl to a mature godly leader who had finally met her match in Geoff. My youngest daughter, Caroline, distributed flowers ahead of Cassie. Zac stood behind Geoff, delighted to perform the ceremony. And Kate, my oldest daughter, sat beside me, watching this dream of a wedding unfold. The perfect weather seemed to be God smiling down on two of His favorites.

Afterward, when we got in the car, twelve-year-old Kate looked at me and said, “Mom, I want a wedding just like Cassie’s. And her dress? I loved her dress!” And just like that, I flashed back to my own twelve-year-old self, legs draped over Dad’s recliner as we dreamed and hoped and pretended we knew something about the future.

I was keenly aware that this conversation could go on to shape Kate’s hopes and dreams for her life. It also could define how she perceived our expectations for her.

I work in an office full of phenomenal single women, most of whom hope to be married one day. To a great extent, the answer to that desire is out of their control. Many of the things we think we need to be happy are just beyond our grasp. I wanted Kate to know, even at twelve, that no man and no dreamy wedding is necessary to complete her, to fulfill her.

So after the lighthearted dreaming based on the Pinterest wedding we’d just attended, I glanced over at her at a stoplight and said, “Kate, if God wills, I pray you marry a man who loves Jesus and helps you to love Him more. But if you do not ever meet that man and marry, I believe you are one hundred percent complete as a leader, as a friend, as a daughter, as a woman, as a Christ follower. God has tremendous plans for you, and those plans may include a husband and children. But even if that’s not the case, you will contribute beautiful chapters to God’s story here.”

Kate smiled. The light turned green. I wondered what she would say next. I wondered if she would push back. Had she somehow picked up the subtle lie that she needed a husband to be valuable? Did she just assume she would meet the dream guy and get married?

Her next words: “Mom, of course I know that. I have big dreams either way.”

Tears welled up at her confidence and assurance in who God had made her to be, with or without a partner. I prayed and still pray that the enemy would never steal the truth that she is enough with Jesus, even if she has nothing else on earth.

A THIRST FOR SATISFACTION

Marriage and family have become idols in our culture, especially in the church. In addition to these supposed must-haves of mature faith, to prove yourself a committed follower of Jesus you apparently also need to have a stable job in the right field, be registered for the proper political party, have the appropriate friends, and maintain a modest savings account. Unless, of course, you forsake it all and move to a third-world country on mission.

God forgive us for deciding what it should look like to follow Him, for suggesting that fulfillment comes more from the life we build here than in the life that waits for us with Him.

We are utterly sick from self-absorption. We’ve bought into the lie that the more we consume, the more satisfied we will be. Yet consuming more of this world only makes us thirstier.

Everyone is looking for excitement and a recipe to a full, rich life. We have a deep, built-in yearning for satisfaction. Somehow we miss that the most exciting, fulfilling rush of an experience comes in following the Spirit of God.

Following Jesus…

doesn’t mean you have the prescribed 2.5 healthy children.

doesn’t mean you won’t live paycheck to paycheck.

doesn’t mean you will get your dream job.

doesn’t mean you will meet the person of your dreams.

But it does mean, even promise, you will be fulfilled. Jesus promises complete fulfillment. It just isn’t found in the things the world prizes.

I believe you and I crave the beauty and joy and freedom that come from receiving our lives rather than consuming them. But we don’t know how to make the shift. So we try to appease our craving by chasing mirages in the desert, reaching for illusions of water rather than water itself.

When I looked up the word joy, I was surprised by all of its synonyms: wonder, delight, elation, satisfaction, fun, happiness. I hate to say it, but these are not words I would use to describe you and me most of the time. Here is my fear: we have somehow come to believe that it is wrong to be happy. Maybe it’s because we’re too aware of the suffering of friends nearby or the suffering all over the world. Maybe it’s because we’re carrying the pressures of work and life. Maybe it seems that fun is an escape from responsibility rather than an attribute of people who know God.

I flash back to the urgency to please and obey God I had for several years and see now that it had strangled much of the wonder, delight, elation, satisfaction, and just plain fun out of my life. With life feeling more and more hectic and cluttered, my soul was so obviously unfulfilled. I had a lot of the things of God but not God Himself. The heaviness of my life began to cause me to miss the moments and people that are the best parts of my life. True fulfillment means we have the ability to live present in both positive and negative experiences and not miss either, yet I was bitterly aware that all of it seemed to be slipping through my hands.

Not only is God the creator of wonder, joy, satisfaction, and fun, but He also issues all of that with His sheer presence. But somehow as I surrendered to God, like a pendulum, I swung from “life is about my happiness” to “life is about suffering for Jesus.” Initially, when Zac and I prayed, Anything, God, wonder and joy exploded as God initiated and inspired new adventures. But somehow those miraculous, obedient story lines became wearisome and noble tasks we were supposed to execute for Him.

And so the question before us is:

Does God want us to live fulfilled and happy?

Jesus lived with quiet, peaceful joy rooted in a deep, settled fulfillment, and He issued those over and over to the people near Him. Jesus had His mind fully set on the next life. He came from heaven and knew what awaits all of us there.

However, with heaven in clear sight, Jesus lived fully in this life, creating opportunities for the people around Him to see more of God. Turning water to wine as guests celebrated a wedding, eating unforgettable long meals with strangers and friends, celebrating the extravagance of perfume being poured out for Him here. Jesus created moments that those He loved could never forget. And He chose to enjoy the people around Him and the work He had here.

As I approached Jesus’s life, I came with a heart wide open, seeking the answer to the question, Jesus, why am I so unsatisfied?

LET’S BEGIN WITH A PARTY

When I lean into the book of John to study Jesus’s life, the very first miracle finds Jesus at a wedding party. I get such a kick out of this. I picture God in eternity past making plans for Jesus’s time here on earth, and the Trinity decides, You know, let’s make Our first miracle creating wine at a wedding. I will say that when I approached this scripture, it was in faith that there was more to this story than God likes a good party. Because I don’t think that preaches very well or accurately. So what is it about this miracle? Why does Jesus start here?

Again and again Jesus showed up at everyday common occasions and turned them into symphonies. He didn’t just teach with words; He often illustrated His hopes for us through unexpected metaphors. In this case He attends a wedding and explodes extravagance into an ordinary event. Water to unending incredible wine. This was a strategic message, not just a party trick.

Wine in the Bible is often used as a metaphor. In fact, it’s used as one of the most significant metaphors for the most important event in history. Near the end of Jesus’s life, at the final supper with His disciples, He poured wine and said of it, This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in My blood. When you drink of it, remember Me. Every time you drink or eat, remember that My body was broken for you and My blood was spilled for you, all to fulfill a promise, to confirm a new covenant between God and you.¹

So what is the new covenant?

It is pretty awesome. The wine would be a symbol of the greatest news on earth.

For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel

after those days, declares the Lord:

I will put my laws into their minds,

and write them on their hearts,

and I will be their God,

and they shall be my people.

And they shall not teach, each one his neighbor

and each one his brother, saying, “Know the Lord,”

for they shall all know me,

from the least of them to the greatest.

For I will be merciful toward their iniquities,

and I will remember their sins no more.

In speaking of a new covenant, he makes the first one obsolete. And what is becoming obsolete and growing old is ready to vanish away.²

The death of Christ, remembered with wine, promises the opportunity to be near to our God, to be in relationship with Him, to know Him, and to receive His grace.

Forever the new wine would mean:

The end of our sin.

The end of measuring up.

The end of proving ourselves.

The beginning of what we were made for: nearness to God.

For generations humans had been trying to cleanse their lives and mistakes and dirt and sin. The fact that, at the wedding in Cana, Jesus had the servants fill the huge ceremonial cleansing jars with water highlights the ultimate goal of His life and death and resurrection: He would replace the inadequate religious rituals with the flowing promise of nearness to God.

The old cheap wine of measuring up and stale religion is gone. But the new wine answers our deepest craving—and it never runs out.

The nearness of Jesus is enough to infuse joy in the midst of everyday experiences. But why don’t we live as if we believe that? Instead of hovering as near to Him as possible, we often chase the mirage of joy and then are surprised that we still feel empty. Jesus not only delivered wine; He delivered the best wine. I think often we go to Jesus for salvation but daily miss that Jesus is offering us the extravagant rich blessing of presence with Him. We walk past Him, settling for cheap boxed wine.

THE CHEAP WINE OF ENTERTAINMENT

We have gallons and gallons of the best wine, yet we keep drinking cheap wine. Joy is defined as “the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying.” By contrast, the definition of entertainment is an “agreeable occupation for the mind; diversion; amusement.”³

We were made for wonder, but we’ve settled for entertainment. God built us to crave true, fulfilling joy. But for many of us, that God-given craving for heart satisfaction has driven us past God Himself, who was meant to be the fulfillment of those desires, toward a drug that dulls the ache of dissatisfaction and disappointment but never truly fulfills us.

I have a new purse that still makes me a little happy when I look at it. It is okay if I spend some money on a purse—and I did spend a bit too much on it. But it’s not necessarily a sin to spend too much on a new purse.

The sin is that I think it is going to satisfy some craving in me, apart from Jesus.

We’ve traded the wonder and satisfaction of a deep relationship with our Creator for Netflix, social media, and a new purse.

My friend Aaron Ivey, who leads worship at our church, writes incredible worship songs that move me. One of my favorites is called “Jesus Is Better.” I want you to pause for a minute and think about that line:

Jesus is better.

Better than every single other pleasure on this earth.

Better than being in love.

Better than the comfort of a beautiful home.

Better than a month-long vacation on the beach.

Better than the most incredible meal.

Better than Nordstrom.

Better than being liked.

Better than your dream job.

Better than sex.

The psalmist says, one day with You, God, “is better than a thousand elsewhere.”⁴

If you’re truly honest with yourself, do you really believe that Jesus is better than anything else in the world? I think I want to believe that. I know I’m supposed to believe that. But on a daily basis I do not believe it, or at least I do not act like I believe this. I usually settle for a Starbucks run and scrolling through Facebook rather than time with Jesus. If I didn’t believe the lie that these shallow, empty pursuits would satisfy me, I guarantee you I wouldn’t keep exchanging mirages for Jesus.

So then I must believe there is joy in this life apart from Jesus. Oh, how I hate to admit it, but the evidence of that belief is that I keep getting surprised when this world and everything I run to in it does not satisfy me.

Do not be deceived or confused. Our joy, or our lack of it, is a direct result of where we most spend our time and thoughts and energy. And Jesus works completely backward from the world and the lies in it.

Your soul is most fulfilled in the small, quiet moments on bedroom floors where you pray or in comfy chairs where you read your Bible or in your car where you worship God with Hillsong turned up so loud you can’t hear yourself singing. Your soul is more fulfilled by giving of yourself than by consuming. Jesus knows this, and He calls us to a backward way that happens to give us all we were hoping for.

Time with Jesus actually helps our wild souls be still and remember the incredible story we are part of. Time with Jesus causes us to feel secure in our identities. By listening to His voice, we recognize the lies that promise fulfillment elsewhere.

Do you want to know what you truly believe will satisfy you? Look at where you spend the most time.

The danger for us is not that we would enjoy the cheap wine on earth but that we would grow addicted to it. I fear many of our distractions are becoming flat-out addictions. We as a generation are addicted to entertainment, amusement, agreeable diversions, Netflix, social media, shopping, alcohol, food, careers, vacations, even relationships. For me at this very moment, it is The West Wing, as in seven seasons. Count them. Seven! Before that, Gilmore Girls.

What if abundant joy, bliss, wonder, pleasure are ours, and we just kept missing them for fleeting entertainment?

Jesus offers all we crave and more. He says to us, You know your cheap wine runs out every single time, doesn’t it? Have you noticed this? It keeps running out and it doesn’t even taste good and yet you keep drinking it. I’ll tell you what. You’re tired. You’re weary. I’m going to give you something that will never run out, that will never quit satisfying you. In fact, in comparison to the cheap wine you’ve been drinking, it will be the greatest thing you have ever tasted. Do you want that?

Yes. Every one of us says yes. But do we want it bad enough to turn from immediate amusing diversions and be in the quiet alone with Jesus?

There are no spiritual helicopters out of the desert, just the old, common, gorgeous, lingering roads paved by our forefathers in faith and designed by God.

Knees on the ground.

Words formed to God in prayer.

Bibles marked up and worn out.

Hours spent with the only One who satisfies and delights our souls.

We want to do things for God without spending time with God. It is an epidemic in the church, and we wonder why we are so empty and unhappy. God built us for Himself, and all our attempts to manage life apart from intimacy with Him only further expose our ache for Him.

Jesus began His public ministry with an image of where it would end: His blood poured out for us.

Wine means joy.

Wine means satisfaction.

Wine means I will measure up for you.

Wine means I am enough for you.

Wine means that you no longer have to be addicted to the empty diversions of this world.

Wine means you are free.

So what does it look like in our everyday lives?

Jesus was pretty clear what to do with anything that causes us to sin: Cut it off; cut it out.⁵

Cancel Netflix.

Cut up your credit card.

Put down your phone.

Be with your people.

Pick up your Bible.

Get on your knees.

Don’t miss the better wine. Linger with the only One who fills your weary, empty soul.

DO WE WANT TO WANT GOD MORE?

A few weeks ago out of conviction of all the ways I have chosen cheap wine instead of Jesus, I turned off my phone for twenty-four hours. I made sure the school had a good number in case of an emergency. I let work know I would be offline for a day, and after all that, I settled into it. Sort of.

At first it felt freeing to have nothing vying for my attention. But it wasn’t even an hour before I noticed myself reaching for my phone. Similar to the alcoholic who reaches for a drink, I subconsciously reached for my addiction.

But when I would remember and set it back down, every time I felt His peace flood me. My mind felt clearer. I thought, You know what? I get to be present. I get to enjoy this day and the wonder of just being still with Jesus. No Instagramming it, no assembling notes for my next talk, no brilliant observations. Just Jesus and me and time. My soul filled up and my view of my life moved from duty to the wonder of seeing mundane moments from Jesus’s perspective.

The discipline and gift of fasting is that it reveals where our affections have become entangled. When you reach for the thing you have become addicted to and it’s not there, you remember, God, You’re better. Jesus, You are better.

In this past year, Zac and I have been trying to cut back on all the things we tend to reach for to satisfy our longings, things like Netflix and sleep and food. Don’t worry; we do eat! But for nourishment rather than comfort. I do sleep, but most mornings I am up very early.

Let me tell you what has happened as I have chosen God over this world: He is so much better and more dear to me. The apathy and numbness that for months had lulled me into a place where I craved comfort more than a massive movement of His Spirit; it shifted. Now I find myself waking up and craving God again. I feel compassion for my neighbors instead of the characters of Parenthood. Now, don’t hear me say those things are evil! Dang it, I will eat cheeseburgers and watch all the new episodes of Gilmore Girls. Don’t you worry.

But I’ve learned that freedom comes in fasting from the things we have accidentally started to put our hope in.

Because here’s the thing: I want to want God more. I want to reach for Him in prayer as soon as my eyes open each morning, instead of picking up my phone. When I face disappointment, I want to crave His comfort rather than Cookies ’n Cream Blue Bell. I want to enjoy His love for me rather than trying to get it from people who can never satisfy me.

This world’s cheap wine always runs dry. Always leaves us unsatisfied.

We search for a miraculous answer to the ache we can’t shake. But we already have it. We already have Him.

Close your eyes. He is real and alive and with you right now, the One who with His Word pours extravagant, rich, unending floods of wonder into the voids of your soul.

From Him flows everything you crave. Do you believe it?

Now I should be clear on this one important point. You are going to ache; you are going to groan for more.⁶ Scripture says this is true, especially for those of us who have gotten a taste of God. We won’t be completely, everlastingly full until we are home in the place we were made for, in heaven with God. The meal that the wine and bread point to is the one we’ll enjoy when we are finally with our God, eating at the marriage supper of the Lamb. That is when all your senses will be satisfied and all your cravings will be fulfilled.

We need to stop trying to make earth be heaven. C. S. Lewis wrote, “If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.”⁷ We were. In the meantime, Jesus gives us a taste of the ultimate fulfillment to come. May that taste compel us to draw daily nearer to the only One who will ever fulfill our souls.

One way we taste and see more of Him is through intentionally living as Jesus did, creating experiences to drink Him in and enjoy Him more. In the midst of distracting cheap diversions, intentional experiences help facilitate time with Him.

There is a war. We have to fight to help each other remember that there is joy in laying down what the world says is going to give us life. The goal of this book isn’t to create new experiences; this is an exercise in finding Jesus and learning what it means for Him to be our enough. The point is to know God more and to give Him away.

Experiences are not the goal, just the means to the above ends.

Nothing shifts our perspective more than meditating and dwelling on God’s Word. For each chapter I’ve included a passage for you to spend time with. Let it soak in, live with it, do not move quickly past it.

STEP INTO THE STREAM

When you look at your life and how you spend your time, what is the most tempting addiction for you? Name your cheap wine. How is Jesus better?

WADE IN DEEPER

Plan one hour and be with Jesus in a new way.

• Arrange time to be alone.

• Pick a new, unique, inspiring location.

• Take your Bible and journal and a pen.

• Turn off your phone.

• Be.

QUENCH YOUR THIRST

Take a Technology Fast. I know this may feel painful, but this Sunday turn it all off. Zero screens. Come up with some creative ways to use the time.

I find it most helpful to make a plan for the day, to intentionally schedule activities that will help me enjoy the time and recharge. You can plan time with friends, get outside, enjoy church, be with Jesus, take a nap, enjoy your family.

THE OVERFLOW

Right now, pick up your phone and text one friend a passage of Scripture she needs to be filled up.