Oh D, there are times I just can’t keep up.
It’s a good thing I have you. I don’t want to be a snitch.
What to do?
This is yet another time when it would be really nice if you could talk.
~M
“I refuse to go, Mum! You cannot make me!” I yelled across the house and slammed the door to my bedroom.
She stomped up the stairs and came in without knocking. I hated when she did that.
“For the last time, you don’t have a choice. They are like family to us. You’ve known Jaxson your whole life! I can’t help it if you aren’t speaking to him right now. Maybe it’s time to get over yourself and give the poor guy a break. He’s nearly beaten that door down trying to figure out how to win back your friendship.”
“Because his mother made him!” I yelled. “At school, we steer clear of each other. The only time we’ve spoken in a year is when you made me go to his stupid birthday party last year. If that’s what you call beating my door down, yeah, he’s really going full-throttle.”
I didn’t tell her he had thrown rocks at my window throughout that first year we weren’t speaking, seeing if I’d come down and talk. His mom had probably made him do that too. Before, anytime he really wanted to see me, he climbed up to my window. He was relieved to be done with me—I knew it in my heart of hearts.
“I shouldn’t be put through the torture of being around him any longer,” I said quietly. “Please don’t make me go.”
“I don’t make you go over there regularly, but it’s Christmas…please, Mirabelle. Gemma will be there. Things are good with her, aren’t they? I remember you talking with her at the party last year.”
“Yeah, Gemma is on my side,” I told her.
When Gemma saw me standing in the corner at Jaxson’s birthday party last year and asked why I was there and not in the thick of things, she’d assessed the situation without me having to say a word. She’d stood by me the rest of the night, making wisecracks about all the girls tripping over themselves to get attention from Jaxson.
“He’s an idiot if he doesn’t see what he has with you,” she’d said.
By that time, I’d built a shell around my heart so thick that I almost didn’t feel what she said, but somewhere down deep, what she said penetrated. Yes, he was an idiot of the supreme kind.
“Why is there a side? I wish you’d just tell me what happened,” Mum snapped. “It’s been two years. Get over it already!”
My eyes filled with tears. “Why can’t you just have my back?”
She put her arms around me and hugged me close. “I do. I have your back, I promise. I just wish, for both your sakes, you could work things out. You’ve been miserable without one another. Anne says he’s not the same without you.”
“The two of you are seeing what you want to see, and I’m sorry, but it’s not happening—you’re not going to get your little fairy tale with us. He’s moved on and so have I; we’re different people now.”
“If you’d moved on, it wouldn’t bother you so much to see him.” She took my face in her hands and studied me. “Sweetheart, for this one day, don’t you think you could set things aside and simply wish him well for the upcoming year?”
When she put it like that, it did sound appealing. More than wishing him well, I wanted to stop thinking about him, period. In a dream world, I wouldn’t be in turmoil over Jaxson Marshall for another second, but I didn’t know how to stop. I’d loved him much longer than I’d hated him.
I put my hand on my mother’s and held it tighter against my face for a moment longer. “Okay, I’ll go. It’ll be good to see Gemma. But can I bring Tyra?”
She crinkled her nose. “Not tonight, okay? Let’s just have it be us tonight.”
I didn’t like it, but I agreed. I needed someone besides Jaxson’s sister, just in case she hated me by now. Derek and Jaxson were together so much that after everything changed with Jaxson, it meant I didn’t really see Derek anymore either. He smiled when he saw me in the hall, but as far as having an ally at the party, I didn’t think I could turn to him. My mother would forget me once she got to Jaxson’s house. She and Anne were still like kids when they got together, giggling over nothing and in their own little bubble. I didn’t begrudge my mum’s time with her best friend—being a single parent was hard and I didn’t want or need all of her attention on me, so most of the time I was glad of Anne’s distraction.
Once Mum left my room, I FaceTimed Tyra. She answered and was on her treadmill, sweating like she’d been at it a while.
“Guess where I’m going tonight?” I pulled a long face and whispered the next bit into the phone. “Mum is making me go to Jaxson’s.”
She rolled her eyes and toweled off her forehead. “Well, go in there looking good and like you know you look good. You’re so much better than all of them, Mira. Never, ever forget that.”
“I wish I had your self-confidence. Someday I’ll catch up with you.”
She laughed. “My confidence is off the chain. I dare you to catch up.”
“I love you,” I said, still laughing. “I’m gonna go obey you now and look as hot as possible.”
“That’s my girl. Love you. Merry Christmas!”
“Merry Christmas.” We’d celebrated the day before, but I still wished she could be with me tonight.
We hung up and I smiled while I walked to my closet. Tyra had a way of making everything better, always. She didn’t care what anyone else thought and lived life exactly the way she wanted. It was impossible to wallow for very long around her.
I picked out some of the outfits she’d given me. Since working out every day and joining track, her clothes swam on her, so I had a new wardrobe with far better choices than my mum’s closet. I settled on jeans and a nice shirt. It probably wouldn’t be as dressy as everyone else, but I squared my shoulders and tried to channel some of Tyra’s sass.
Thanks to YouTube tutorials, I could safely say I’d mastered makeup and hair. I still wasn’t up to California standards—I couldn’t seem to give up the junk food and the last thing I wanted to do was physical activity, but give me a curling iron or a new makeup palette and I could put the most perfect waves in anyone’s hair, mine included. And I could make my face look flawless. After that makeup debacle two years ago with Tyra’s heavy hand, I decided to teach myself how to do it.
Act like you know you look good, I reminded myself on my way out the door.
“You look lovely, Mira,” my mum said as we walked to the Marshalls’ house.
“Thanks, Mum. You do too.”
The party was underway already when we got there, the beach behind Jaxson’s house full of kids playing volleyball and standing by the fire pit. I got mad all over again that Mum hadn’t let me bring Tyra since all of these other people were here. It wasn’t just our families like she’d made it sound like it would be. I went inside to get a drink before going out there and watched through the window. Jaxson’s long arms shot up and he got the volleyball over the net, the other team missing the shot. He looked happy. I wondered what it would be like to be on the inside of his life again.
I stood there longer than I should’ve, the only non-adult in the house, but something kept me rooted to that spot. From this height, I had a better vantage point. I didn’t see Heather right away. Normally, she was within a few feet of Jaxson at all times, but she wasn’t in the game and she wasn’t on the sidelines. I kept looking for her but didn’t spot her anywhere.
“We’re ready for dessert. Come on out, Mira,” Anne said, waving for me to follow her.
“I need to use the restroom and then I’ll be right out,” I promised.
“Excellent. I want Jaxson to know you’re here.” She smiled and gathered things to carry outside.
Jaxson’s nana followed Anne and winked at me on the way out. “You need to weasel your way in between Jaxson and all these dimwits,” she said under her breath. “You have more depth to you than most of these girls have in their big toe!”
I laughed. “Thanks, Nana. I don’t know—guys seem to like the dimwits.”
She cackled and went out the door.
Someone was in the downstairs bathroom, so I went to the second floor and heard someone in there. I waited for a few moments and then went completely still. Oh god. Heat flooded to my face and I looked around, wondering if anyone else was hearing this. Someone was having sex in the bathroom! There was no mistaking that—I’d managed to catch the peak moment, so to speak. A hissed, “Shhh!” and a muffled groan followed. I rolled my eyes. Too late. When it got completely quiet and I heard the sound of a toilet flushing and the sink turning off and on, I realized I was going to get caught if I didn’t move quickly. I was backing away just as the door opened.
Derek walked out first and quickly stopped, staring wide-eyed as he saw me standing there. He turned to prevent the girl from coming out, but it was too late. Heather walked out and there was no hiding for any of us.