That saying about hindsight...it’s haunting me now.
I am terrified of loving another person ever again.
Heather’s horror smoothed over as she took a breath and worked on conjuring up a smile. She stepped toward me, and my eyes narrowed. When I put my hand on my hip, she stopped walking, and I could clearly see the fear in her eyes.
“This isn’t what it looks like,” she whispered. “I don’t know what you’re thinking you heard or saw, but you know nothing. I love Jax and nothing you tell him will change the way he feels about me.”
Derek looked equal parts hurt and ashamed.
“Something tells me that if you can have sex in Jaxson’s bathroom during a Christmas party, you’re being all kinds of careless. I doubt I’ll have to say a word.” I shrugged. “I also doubt I’m the only one who’ll find out. You’re both idiots and Jaxson is smart—it might take a while, but he’ll figure out that the two of you are lying snakes.” I pointed at Heather. “Can’t say I’m surprised about you…”
The vein on Heather’s forehead popped out as she grew redder. She didn’t enjoy being called out, but I didn’t really care.
“You though…I really thought you were better than this,” I said to Derek.
When I looked at Derek, he swallowed hard and put his fist over his mouth. “Mira, please…” he said.
I turned and went down the steps, with them on my heels.
“Jaxson!” I called out, as I rounded the corner and came face to face with him.
He looked startled and I knew it wasn’t just from not expecting to see someone coming straight for him, but because I hadn’t spoken to him in so long.
“Hi, Mira,” he said softly. “I’m glad…” He looked at Heather and Derek and seemed puzzled to see us together. “Thanks for coming,” he told me.
“Can we talk for a moment?” I didn’t know where I was going with this, but it was out of my mouth before I could stop it. Heather gripped my arm and squeezed. Hard.
I glared at her and she dropped her hand, smiling. I rubbed where her hand had been and looked at Jaxson.
“What’s going on?” he asked, looking back and forth between all of us.
“Alone?” I said.
“Jax, Derek and I have been working on your surprise and it’s ready n—”
“Surprise,” I scoffed, and they all looked at me. I shook my head and laughed. “Yeah, it’s a surprise all right.”
Jaxson frowned and I felt sorry for him. He didn’t deserve this. No matter how hurt I’d felt by him, he didn’t deserve this.
“Heather and D—” I started, but Heather cut me off.
“Really, Jax, come on. We’ve been working so hard on it. Jeez, Mira, I know you’ve got a crush on Derek, but not now,” Heather said, tossing her hair and smiling at Jaxson like can you believe this girl?
“What?” I sputtered.
“Heather,” Derek snapped. “Shut up.”
Heather smirked and Jaxson looked so confused. He shook his head.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
“God, you’re all so serious. I was just joking. Now, can we go get your present already?” Heather put her arm around his waist and he moved along with her, giving me an apologetic look over his shoulder.
“I’ll talk to you later, Mira? Okay?”
“Merry Christmas, Jaxson. That’s really all I wanted to say tonight. And I wish the best for you this year.” There, I’d said it. And it felt good, liberating. The rest would work itself out. I didn’t need to be the bearer of bad news—especially not today. He’d resent me for it forever.
He moved Heather’s hand, which was still gripping his arm tightly, and moved back toward me. “Thank you, Bells. That means a lot.”
I think he meant it. I didn’t stop to question if he did or not. I nodded, found my mother to tell her I was leaving, and walked home.
I woke up to noise outside and got up, heart pounding. It had been so long since Jaxson had reached out to me. I missed it…I missed him. Desperately. I could only admit that to myself in the dark.
Instead, when I looked out the window, it wasn’t Jaxson at all. It was someone slim—it looked like a girl with a hoodie on, holding a can of spray paint in each hand. I grabbed my robe and threw it on, running down the stairs as fast as I could. I flung the door open and ran out. By the time I got outside, she was gone. It was no use anyway: I was too late.
The word pathetic was written over and over on our house in red spray paint. Even our car had pathetic covering it in huge block letters. I sobbed as I tried to scrub it off of the car and house, frantically running back and forth. It didn’t make a difference; in fact, with every smear I made, it only made it more chilling. I felt the word in my bones. I agreed with the word…I’d thought it about myself before, so this only solidified it. I am pathetic rang out in my mind like a noon church bell.
I lost track of time out there, and when I came in, the sun was rising. Exhausted, I barely heard my mum before I bumped into her. Coffee sloshed from her mug and she set it down, taking me by the shoulders.
“Mira? What’s going on? Are you bleeding?” Her voice rose with concern and she sat me down on a barstool while she looked me over.
I couldn’t catch my breath to tell her, as the tears kept coming down. Just then the phone rang, and she was about to ignore it but saw who it was and held up her phone.
“It’s Charles. I’m sorry—I should take this. It might be about our meeting this morning…”
I didn’t say anything, and when she heard what he had to say, she looked more distressed. She glanced at me and rushed outside.
“Oh my god,” I heard her say over and over.
Someone else—Charles, I could tell as I walked to the door—was out there too.
“I didn’t know if you’d seen it yet,” he said. “I was on my way to the gym and couldn’t believe…who the hell would do this?”
They both stared at me when I walked out.
“Do you have any idea who did this?” Charles asked me.
I shook my head. Of course I did, but there was no way to prove it. This was a warning. What would Heather do if I said it was her and no one believed me?
Mum started crying and took my hand.
“I’ll send someone over to take care of this right away,” Charles said. “Don’t worry about a thing, okay? You know our crew at the rental properties will be happy to do this for you. I’d like to install cameras too…make sure this doesn’t happen again.”
“I can’t let you do all that,” Mum said. “It’s too much…”
“Consider it part of your raise,” he said. “You closed on that massive property for me just this week—this will be an addition to your compensation. How’s that?”
She nodded and smiled, wiping her eyes. “Thank you, Charles.”
“We take care of our family.” He looked at me again. “We haven’t seen as much of you as we’d like lately, Mira, but you know Anne and I are always here for you, right?”
I nodded. “I do know that. Thank you.”
I didn’t want to embarrass myself by sobbing in front of him any longer, so I went inside and got in the shower. It was a weekend. Most of the kids from school would be sleeping late from holiday break, especially after Jaxson’s party. I didn’t know how long it would take for it to be painted over, but maybe no one I knew would see it.
If I’d known how small the whole thing was in comparison to what else would happen that weekend, I wouldn’t have shed a single tear over Heather. I would’ve rushed to Tyra’s house and made sure we didn’t leave the comfort of her family room for the rest of the weekend. We would’ve painted nails and watched movies all day long.
But, too caught up in my own drama, I didn’t talk to Tyra all day. A crew of painters came, and between feeding them and doing what I could to be helpful outside, I didn’t talk to her the next day either. Sunday night, around six p.m., after the house was finished and the car had been towed away for a new paint job, Charles and Anne came to the door. I thought their faces were somber because of everything that had happened, but the way Anne wept when she hugged me, I knew something else was wrong.
“Mira, I’m so sorry,” she cried, “there’s been a car accident. Tyra and her parents…”
I felt myself falling back and Charles held me up. I heard the words they didn’t make it from somewhere far away, but I couldn’t hold onto what that could possibly mean. Tyra had more life in her than anyone I’d ever known. There was no way she could be gone.