I think maybe I need to go live with the nuns and only eat small portions of meat and potatoes…maybe a Popsicle every now and then.
Somewhere shaded and quiet and drama/risk-free.
Sincerely, Sister Hart
With the wedding planning taking every spare moment between school and work, I’ve hardly seen Jaxson. Oh, and I’ve been avoiding him. So there’s that.
I’ve had a plan cooking in my mind for over a month now, and despite my mum and Dave and Liesl trying to talk me out of it, they’ve settled into supporting my decision. For now, anyway. The wedding has been the perfect distraction.
The week of the wedding, I’m off for winter break and just getting home from running an errand for Mum. I’m not even out of the car yet, when the hair on the back of my neck rises. Jaxson. I sigh. Will I always be this connected to him? It has to go away eventually, right?
I’ve felt his hurt emanating from every text and every phone call, but he’s accepted all the excuses I’ve fed him. He looks pissed now though. I shut my car door and lift a hand to wave.
“How much longer can you avoid me?” he says, stalking toward me.
“I’ve been busy,” I tell him.
“I could be helping you with wedding shit…or with Winston…why are you cutting me off?”
I walk toward the house and he follows me, opening the door and holding it for me while I set the bags down. Winston comes flying down the stairs to greet me and growls when he sees Jaxson.
“Yeah, I don’t really like you very much right now either,” Jaxson tells him.
I open the back door for Winston to go out, and Jaxson and I stand on the deck watching him run around the yard.
“Give me thirty minutes? There’s this new pie place I’ve been wanting to try,” Jaxson says, his brows relaxing as he tries to smile.
I feel guilty about the way I’ve avoided him, so I nod. “Okay.”
“Really?” He perks up. “Okay.”
Ten minutes later, we’re in Jaxson’s car. It’s a short drive, so he’s parking before our silence becomes too awkward.
The pies look delicious and the restaurant is bustling with customers. We sit in a corner booth and study the menu.
“I haven’t had peanut butter in a while,” I tell him. “And only in very small doses…like one night months and months ago.”
“Who are you?” he asks.
“I know. I have to fit into a goddess dress for this wedding, so I can’t believe I agreed to this. Look at this pie.” I point to a chocolate peanut butter pie and hum. “Yep, that’s what I’m getting.”
He orders a slice of Dutch apple pie and we wait, looking shyly at one another.
“Thanks for coming with me. You’ll be fine in the dress, I promise.”
I lift my eyebrows. “To God’s ears, as your nana would say.”
He smiles. “To God’s ears.”
Our pie comes and they’re both works of art. I’m tempted to take a picture but don’t want to be that girl. Not when Jaxson is watching me so intently.
We both take bites of our pie and sound orgasmic as we inhale them. He tries a bite of mine and I try a bite of his.
“Oh, yeah, you always order better than I do,” he says. “And I’m scared to even say it, but…finally, we can sort of check it off of our list…I mean, if we eat it every day starting today.” He grins. He points at what’s left of mine. “That’s going to be my new craving.”
I can hardly get the pie in my mouth fast enough. It’s the perfect explosion of flavors.
“I don’t even care if I don’t fit into the dress after this,” I say, scratching my neck. “This was such a good idea. Thank you. I’m glad you made me come.” I laugh and he does too, the air between us lighter with our sugar highs.
“So is everything pretty much ready for the wedding?” he asks.
“Yeah, the hard part is done, and the fun starts the day after tomorrow. We’re doing a spa day at the salon, the day after that the rehearsal dinner, and then the wedding!” I rub at my neck and scratch my arm.
His eyes widen when he looks at my neck. “Mira, are you okay? You’re…really…” He grabs my hand and holds my arm out. “What’s going on?”
I have little welts all over my skin. “Is this on my neck too?” I lift my shirt a little and look at my stomach. Hives are covering my skin.
“We should get you to the hospital. Are you allergic to peanut butter? How can that happen?” He sounds panicked and is already standing up and throwing money on the table.
By the time we pull into the hospital parking lot and Jaxson leaves the car with the valet, every part of my body itches. I’m swollen and miserable. My eyes are starting to feel weird and my mouth…
We go to the desk to check in and one of the nurses—Nan—takes me to an exam room right away, with Jaxson on our heels answering all the questions I don’t respond to fast enough. I clutch my chest.
“It feels tight,” I whisper.
Dr. Nigel comes into the room, looks at my chart, and goes on a tangent about a shot. I don’t really register her words. The grief on Jaxson’s face distracts me.
“I’m okay,” I tell him. “Don’t worry.”
He looks so sad I can’t stand it. Nan gives me an epinephrine shot and I can breathe a little easier, but the hives don’t go away. A while later, she gives me another shot and I feel more of an improvement with that one, but she still sets me up with an IV and runs antihistamines through it. Jaxson scoots up to the bed when Nan leaves the room to let Dr. Nigel know about my progress. He holds my hand, careful to only touch my palm and not the top of my hand that still has welts.
“Are you feeling any different?” he asks.
“It’s easing,” I say as Nan walks in. “I’m breathing better. Less itchy. But sleepy.”
“I should let your mum know—she’ll kill me that I haven’t already told her,” he says.
“We’re going to monitor you for a few more hours,” Nan says. “If we don’t see more improvement, we’ll keep you overnight.”
I nod, too sleepy to protest. I don’t have time to be in the hospital goes through my mind right before I fall asleep.
I wake up a few hours later. Jaxson is still sitting there and my mum is beside him.
“Oh, honey, are you okay?” Mum asks, hovering.
“I feel much better.”
“You look much better,” Jaxson says. “God, you scared me to death.”
“I’m fine. See? Good as new.” I hold up my arm and although there’s still a scattering of hives, there are far less.
He looks at my mother. “She didn’t see herself,” he says. He opens his phone and shows me a picture. My face is unrecognizable.
I gasp. “Do I still look like that?” I clutch my face, looking at my mum. “The wedding!”
“We are not going to worry about the wedding,” Mum says. “The swelling has gone down considerably, but if you don’t feel up to it on Saturday, we’ll push it back. No big deal.”
“Uh, no way. We have worked too hard on this wedding for it to be thwarted by a little allergic reaction.”
“You could’ve died, Bells,” Jaxson says.
“No…” I scoff at him. “It wasn’t that—”
“Yes, you could’ve,” he interrupts. “They gave you another shot while you were sleeping and are waiting for a room upstairs to open up to monitor you throughout the night.”
I groan. “I can’t miss our spa day!” I look tearfully at Mum, whose eyes are full too.
“I’m just so grateful Jaxson got you to the hospital on time,” she says, putting her arm around him and squeezing. “Thank you, love.”
She’s never called me “love” a day in my life, but she bestows it on him like she’s always said it. I restrain the eye roll and look on, smiling…because I’m grateful too that he acted so quickly. If it had been up to me, I’d have gone home and wondered why I couldn’t breathe very well…
“We’ll bring the spa to you if we have to,” she says to me.
I do stay the night, but I feel a thousand times better the next day. I think it was a waste of time, but I guess I was in worse shape than I realized when I came in. I feel bad for putting a damper on the wedding festivities.
I’m expecting my mother to pick me up and then I’m hoping we’ll go straight to the salon, but Jaxson is the one who walks in while the new nurse on duty is walking me through my release papers. He listens intently to her instructions.
“You’ll have to carry this everywhere.” She holds up an Epipen. “A reaction like yours…you’ll have to stay away from peanuts from now on. If you feel any tingling or get the beginnings of the hives like you had this time, use this and then come into the ER right away. Okay?”
“But I love peanut butter so much,” I lament.
“So many do, but it doesn’t love them back,” she says briskly.
She’s a size nothing, so I have a feeling she’s never loved peanut butter and doesn’t know what she’s missing. It’s a bitter thought, but one that I’m feeling with all my heart…no peanut butter?
“What could happen if she doesn’t have the Epipen or doesn’t do it in time?” he asks.
The nurse shrugs. “She could die,” she says to him. “It’s very imperative that you and everyone in your life take this seriously.” She points to me and starts gathering her things to leave.
Well, thank you for your charming bedside manner. I don’t speak because I’m afraid of what will come out.
Jaxson glares after her and takes me by the hand. “I’ve been researching this all night. We can figure out places to go…I’ve got a list of things you wouldn’t think of that have peanuts…all that. It’s going to be okay.”
His face is flushed as the words rush out of his mouth. God, I love him. Whoa. Hold up. No. Rewind.
“Did you even sleep?” I ask, looking everywhere but directly at him.
“No, but I can sleep when I’m dead, right?”
“I hate that saying.”
“I’m surprised you don’t hate me at this point,” he says quietly.
I turn to him. “What? Why?”
He reaches out and smooths the crease between my brows and swallows hard before answering. “I don’t know, Mira. I think it’s safe to say that I need to put the list to rest once and for all. Maybe you’re right. Maybe we should only be friends. I don’t want to put you at risk for any more disasters…” He attempts a smile, but it’s more of a grimace.
A lump grows in my throat and I nod, attempting a smile myself. It hurts way more than a smile should. “Friends.”