Chapter 36

~Ax~

 

I open my eyes. I feel like shit.

I have to blink several times to clear my blurred vision.

“Ax! You’re awake!”

It’s Runner’s voice. I turn to see him, Smiter and Grit sitting to my right.

“What’s happening…where….?” I murmur, struggling to sit up.

I’m stopped by an IV in my arm. I grunt at the sharp pain that shoots through my wrist and my left arm for some reason. I glance down at myself to see my arm’s in a sling.

“Stop,” Smiter orders. “You won’t be able to move right now.”

“Fuck that,” I mutter.

“You got two broken ribs, Ax,” Runner tells me.

Argh! I growl and stay where I am. Smiter steps up to my bed and tells me, “You’re in Brockford General Hospital. Been out for a couple of hours now. Your left arm is shattered in several places from the impact of the crash. Got a broken nose from your fight with Broker, along with the ribs Runner mentioned, knuckles on both your hands are shredded. And you got God knows how many stitches in your fucking face too.”

“What? How you guys know what went down?”

“Ralph told us when we burst on in here raising hell and demanding to see you,” Runner says. “I’m your emergency contact, remember?”

“Right, yeah.”

In all the confusion and the high of the drugs I can feel running through my fucking veins, it takes it this long to hit me. “Fuck! Where’s she? Where’s Rox?”

“She’s down the hall. She’s okay,” Smiter answers.

I fight to get outta bed. “Gotta see her. Now.”

The three of ‘em all work to restrain me.

“Fuck off! Gotta see my girl! Now!” I bellow.

“Let him see her,” Smiter says.

“Yeah? He can’t walk. Doc said he needed to rest and heal up,” Runner argues.

“Go find that nurse you were hitting on earlier. Get us a wheelchair for him,” Grit suggests.

Runner nods. “Yeah, good idea.” Next thing I know, he’s bolting outta the room.

“Kid’s got mad persuasion skills over the bitches he meets,” Smiter says. “I swear, he could just snap his fingers and they’d have their panties off for him.”

Grit laughs, but I’m too anxious ‘bout Rox to do anything but focus on that damn door opening again and Runner coming back in with my way of getting to her.

It seems like a goddamn eternity before he finally comes back in, a wheelchair with him.

The three of ‘em help me into the chair, ignoring my grumbling at having to be treated like a damn invalid.

As Smiter pushes me towards Rox’s room with Grit and Runner following at the sides, my stomach lurches as I see Dealer striding down the hall. For once he don’t look his usual angry self. He looks completely stricken.

But as soon as he sees me, that anger’s right back.

He storms up to us, roaring, “Told you to stay the fuck away from her, Ax!”

“What the fucking hell?” Runner exclaims. “Is this…real?”

“Dealer’s alive?” Grit gasps.

“You knew?” Smiter asks me, putting two and two together, given Dealer’s angry statement ‘bout giving me a warning with Rox.

“Long story. Later.”

Dealer gets in my face and snarls, “This is your fault! My daughter’s in here cuz of you!”

Grit shoves him back. “Hey, take it down!”

Dealer gestures wildly at me, before sucking in a breath and scrubbing his hand over his face. “This shit ain’t never gonna stop happening. She’s always gonna be in danger if you’re with her! She don’t belong in this life! I went to extremes to keep her outta it all this time. And then you pulled her into it! Next time, and we all know there’s always a next time, she’s gonna die, you fuck! You love her like you say? Then you gotta walk.” He takes a breath and then says, his voice pained and broken, “Guys like us, we made a choice living the life we live with the club. And cuz of that, girls like her, they ain’t for us, Ax. A guy like you can’t just leave neither. You been neck deep in this shit for too many years and cuz of who your old man is, you’re deeper than most. Your connections and enemies will follow you. This is what you are now. I should know. Tried to shake it to be with Kim. Failed. Over and over. And now she’s dead. And that’s on me. You want Rox’s death to be on you? You gotta walk, Ax.”

Fuck me. I squeeze my eyes shut, his words ripping right through me, like he’s twisted a knife in my goddamn heart. Cuz he’s right. I can’t speak. All I manage is a nod.

“Thank you,” he says, sadly. “I’m sorry, Ax. Really am.”

Smiter pats my shoulder.

The door opens to our left and Ralph peers outside. He takes in the scene. He nods to himself, clearly picking up on the tense shit that just went down out here. His eyes fall on me. “She’s in here, Ax.”

“Where’s the doctor?” I ask as Smiter wheels me inside with the guys and Dealer following us in.

“He’ll be along in a little while.”

“But she’s okay?” I ask anxiously, grimacing as I take in the sight of her asleep in the hospital bed. Her face is swollen, bruised and cut. There’s bandages and stitches on both her arms, ‘round her head, and her wrist is wrapped.

“Yeah, she’s gonna be fine,” Ralph answers. “Her left wrist was fractured. Some nasty bruising from the crash and she’s had stitches on several cuts to her face and arms. She’s also got a concussion, so they’re keeping her asleep for a bit to help her heal.”

I nod, taking in his words, as Smiter pushes me right up to her bedside. As I take her hand gently in mine, I look up at Ralph. I swallow hard as I ask, “And…our kid?”

He grimaces and shakes his head slowly. “I’m sorry, man. Didn’t make it.”

And that’s the final straw.

I can’t keep it together no more. I can’t hold back the emotion welling in my eyes. I bring my hand to my face. The boys can’t see me like this.

“Out,” I tell the lot of ‘em.

I hear Smiter ushering ‘em out the door.

And then I break down, burying my face in my bandaged hands and resting my head against hers.

“I’m so sorry, babe. I’m sorry,” I sob, into the covers. I clutch at her hand and bring it to my lips. “Fucking hell. Our kid….”

I don’t move. Not for a long while. I just keep holding her and kissing her hand.

It takes me a long time before I manage to pull myself together.

When I do, I gaze at her, taking every inch of her in, memorizing all of her.

I reach out as much as I can with my damn injuries and stroke her hair.

I don’t care what nobody else says. I’m staying here with her through the night.

Cuz I know…this is the last time we’ll ever be together.