Taking Roddy with them, they rode as far as the edge of the woods that grew within reach of Tuft Castle, close enough to see the turrets in the distance. Roddy’s expertise regarding the dungeons would be invaluable, which is not to say that a value hadn’t been placed on it by Roddy, and paid in advance. They squatted in a circle round a patch of earth that was clear of grass, and Roddy used a stick to scratch out the dungeons’ layout in the dirt.
‘Between you and me and these four walls,’ said Roddy, ignoring the fact that there wasn’t a wall anywhere near them, ‘I scrimped a bit on the materials, so the bars at the entrance here –’ he pointed with his stick ‘– and on the windows, here, and on these cells, and, well, all over the place really, are a tad flimsy. Don’t get me wrong, usually I’m straighter than a cock in a brothel, pardon me, but that King Leo never pays his invoices on time, and to be frank, he’s a shit, mind my French.’
‘So I keep hearing,’ said Martha.
‘He visited my parents’ castle just after he was crowned, on his tour of intimidation of the region,’ said Elaine. ‘He has the charm of a toad, the kindness of a snake, and the wit of a dog who hasn’t figured out it has to dip its head to go underneath a low-hanging branch.’
‘Like I said, a shit. Far be it for me to suggest tactics when there’s a knight in the room,’ said Roddy, again overlooking the fact that they weren’t in a room, ‘but if it were me I’d arm myself to the teeth and just kick down the door and go in. Or snap off the bars. Same difference.’
‘What do you mean, “If it were me”?’ asked Humphrey. ‘You’re here, aren’t you?’
‘I’m not coming with you,’ said Roddy.
‘What do you mean, you’re not coming?’
‘You haven’t paid me nearly enough for that. I could get myself killed. Or lose an arm. These are craftsman’s hands.’ He held up his two immense paws.
‘Con man’s hands, more like it,’ Conrad muttered.
‘Fine,’ said Humphrey. ‘Roddy and his hands aren’t coming. They can wait with Elaine and keep her safe, or at least entertained. Or failing even that simple task, they can try to sell her things.’
‘All right with me,’ said Roddy.
‘You’re not leaving me behind,’ said Elaine.
‘Yes I am,’ said Humphrey.
‘No. You can’t make me stay. I know you all think that Queen Martha is in that mask, but it might be Sir Alistair. And if my fiancé needs rescuing, I’m going to be the one to do it.’
‘But it’s dangerous.’ Humphrey glanced meaningfully at Elaine’s belly, but she affected not to notice.
‘I’m coming,’ she said. ‘And you can’t stop me.’
The two of them locked eyes, both with expressions of implacable determination.
Humphrey caved in first. ‘Very well, if you insist. But it is entirely against my wishes and my best advice.’
‘I have no problem with that,’ said Elaine.
‘Right then,’ Humphrey resumed. ‘Elaine will do her best to get killed for no reason. Conrad, you’ll break the bars where Roddy’s indicated the weaknesses. I’ll cover you with the bow and arrow. Marcus, you –’
‘Me?’ interrupted Martha. ‘I don’t even know which hand I’m supposed to hold a sword in.’
‘You’ll be fine,’ said Humphrey, ‘I’m going to give Leila back to you, and she’ll do all the work.’
‘What?’ said Conrad. ‘You’re going to give him the magic sword he used to try to kill you?’
‘The sword wants to find the Queen, and she only cooperates with Marcus.’
‘He, she or it, it’s still sharp and it still wants your neck.’
‘We don’t know that.’
‘And giving it back to Marcus is the best way to find out?’
Humphrey looked at Martha. He saw a very young, very pale face with worried eyes. But behind that worry shone a fierce tenacity.
‘We need Marcus,’ Humphrey said. ‘And I trust him.’
‘Because you think he’s got blue blood?’
Elaine frowned as she looked from Martha to Humphrey and back. Roddy considered the previously unimportant boy in a whole new lucrative light. Martha’s mouth fell open, her heart pounding. ‘What? What do you mean, blue blood? Don’t be absurd. Humphrey, what did he mean?’
‘It’s got nothing to do with that,’ Humphrey said to Conrad. ‘Since that first day, he’s done nothing to make us doubt him.’ Nothing except run away in the woods. Nothing except try to steal Leila back from me. Humphrey knew that Conrad was right to be cautious, but his instincts told him to have faith in Marcus. That his instincts might be clouded with lust or greed was a possibility that he refused to consider. ‘Stop acting like a brat, Conrad. You’re the one who’s slowing us all down.’
Conrad got to his feet and crossed his enormous arms. ‘Fine. Do what you like. I’ve had enough. When we get back to Camelot I’m asking for a new knight. Marcus can be your squire, seeing as you’re so fond of him.’
‘You’re being childish,’ said Humphrey.
‘For the rest of this quest, I follow orders, but that’s it. You can keep your personal observations to yourself. I’m done pretending that we’re some kind of happy family. Consider this my notice.’
There was a long silence. Even Jemima looked embarrassed.
Then Roddy said, ‘Can I just make sure – I’m still not coming, right?’