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December 22, 1810
Just after eight o’clock in the evening
Hope yawned as she preceded the duke up the stairs toward their room that night.
She and Brook had spent the day together—since the innkeeper and his staff thought them husband and wife anyway—and whether it was in the common room, a private dining room, or in the room they shared to play cards or talk about desultory things, it had been a refreshing change to passing the time in a post chaise.
The man had a latent sense of humor, and yes, she had to work to bring it to the forefront, but once he discovered it, was encouraged to use it or to even laugh, he was quite a lovely companion. Yet there were other times when their conversations lagged, and he lapsed into brooding silence where she could only assume he thought about his wife. Still, she enjoyed being with him, had even managed to best him at two hands of faro.
Did she wish to learn more about him? Absolutely, even if that meant she would need to return the favor and share her own pain. Perhaps that would help him to open up and work through some of the grief he held on to.
“Hope?”
“Hmm?” She frowned as she stared at the closed door to their shared room. When had they completed the trip up the stairs?
“Are you well? You have been looking at the door for the last several seconds but haven’t opened it.” Concern threaded through his voice.
She startled, for his breath warmed her nape. Having him so close sent awareness prickling over her skin. “Oh.” In some confusion she glanced at the panel and then over her shoulder at him. “I suppose I’m woolgathering.”
“Assembling those stories in your head, no doubt.” The duke reached around her, pressed the tarnished brass handle, and then pushed the door open. “After you, Mrs. Gerard.”
“Thank you.” It wasn’t her fiction writing that had apparently put maggots into her brain. Instead, she couldn’t banish Brook from her thoughts. Spending so much of her time with him, watching him as he’d talked to a few people in the common room, basking in the sound of his rare laughter had made her cognizant of one thing.
She wanted to experience real kisses for once in her life, and if they were with this man, even better. Though he hadn’t tried to steal one the night before nor had he acted untoward with her throughout the day, Hope couldn’t dislodge the thought. Was it too much to ask of the universe that she experience desire or even passion before she consigned her life to being a companion?
Click!
The sound of the door snicking closed yanked her from her musings. Hope focused her gaze on the duke as he set about lighting one of the candles. Then he sank onto the side of the bed and removed his boots. Both of them fell to the worn hardwood floor with dual thuds.
How often would she see him since the elderly woman was his aunt? Would a few shared kisses between them make a proper relationship difficult? Perhaps it didn’t matter. She would never trap him into marriage or even consent to become his mistress if he should ask.
“Are you certain you feel quite well?”
Once more, she startled. Shoving the thoughts quite firmly from her mind, Hope nodded. “I am fine. Please don’t concern yourself.”
He regarded her with speculation. “If you are certain?”
“I am.” She quickly nodded and gave him a smile. Would it set him at ease?
“Very well.” Brook removed his jacket then tossed it to the foot of the bed. “Let us hope the water has had a chance to thaw. I would like to at least attempt a shave tonight else I’ll look a fright by the morning.”
“Oh, I don’t know. You look rather dashing right now.” What would it feel like to drag her lips along the side of his jaw where the stubble ended, and the smooth skin began?
“Ah.” A bit of a flush rose up his neck, visible when he removed his cravat. “I’m afraid I don’t know what to say.” His cuffs and collar followed the length of silk onto the end of the bed.
“Take the compliment.” She waved him off. “I shall wash up once you’re finished.”
He removed the waistcoat. It hit the bed and then slid silently to the floor. “Thank you.” After a few minutes of digging about his trunk, he took a small, rectangular-shaped, leather-bound box with him to the wash basin. While he was busy with ablutions that included shaving, washing his face, as well as brushing his teeth, Hope poked through the belongings in her own trunk. After a quick sniff of her traveling dress, she wrinkled her nose. Perhaps a dab or two of her precious violet perfume was in order. Once that was accomplished, she pulled out a small vanity set. Her hair could do with a good brushing, and each time she used the brush and mirror with the tortoiseshell handles, she remembered her mother, who’d given her the kit on her sixteenth birthday. By the time she’d gathered her supplies, the duke had finished with his nightly toilette. She nodded to him in passing and then ducked behind the privacy screen with a sigh of relief.
Good grief but the man was potent! Just being in the same cozy room with him had her heart pounding and her breath shallowing. His presence filled the space and practically demanded that she notice him. Well, how could she not? He was easily the most handsome man she’d seen in a long while, and he excited her on a level not even her fiancé had managed. That alone was cause for alarm, but she ignored the warning bells tolling in her head.
Tonight, she wouldn’t rest until she’d had a kiss from him. It would keep her heated during the cold night ahead, for the wind still blew with gusto and the snow continued to fall. Lighter than last night, but a nuisance anyway.
When she came out from behind the screen in her shift, the duke was preparing a pallet on the floor, using his greatcoat for a bed.
Hope frowned. “You slept on the floor last night. I won’t have you make that sacrifice again.” Gently but with purpose, she took his arm and drew him away. Then she returned the pillow to the bed. “It is much too cold.”
“But—”
“None of that, Your Grace.” When he narrowed his gaze on her, she giggled. “Brook.” With a giddy feeling of power and knowing he watched her, she made her way slowly around the bed. “Sharing is a necessity. Anything else is silly, and you are much too intelligent to act the nodcock.”
His eyes glittered in the light from the candle nub as she crawled beneath the bedclothes. “Perhaps you are right. My limbs were nearly ice last night.” Then he removed his shirt, and she stared, breathless at the expanse of his chest and its sprinkling of hair before he dropped the garment to the floor.
“I’m glad you have come to your senses.” She smiled to herself. Did this smack too much of manipulation? She wasn’t one of those fast women who wished to bed any man she came across merely to see who would become her next protector.
The bedclothes rustled and the bed depressed as the duke joined her. Oh, he smelled so good! Now was her chance. If she ever wanted to experience a kiss—and with a duke no less—there was no better time. Quickly scooting into the middle of the bed, Hope surged into him and pressed her lips to his. His warmth was addicting. He laid there in apparent shock as his eyes widened. The man did absolutely nothing to help the kiss along or even try to embrace her. Was he not interested, or had she truly surprised him?
“Oh, drat.” Her stomach muscles knotted with anxiety. “Pardon my forwardness.” The heat of mortification slapped her cheeks. She had made an unwanted advance toward a duke. Her reputation would be cut to ribbons if any of this were to find its way into the ton. With a half-stifled cry of embarrassment, Hope moved back to her side of the bed, and faced away from him, much as she’d done last night.
“What the devil is happening?” He cleared his throat. “Why did you do that?” Confusion was evident in his tone.
“Please forget that ever happened.” Even to her own ears, the words were pathetic.
Remarkably, he chuckled. “Forget that a lovely, clever, talented woman kissed me? I think not.”
Not even his praise could yank her out of the hole of awkwardness she’d fallen into. “Go to sleep, Your Grace.”
“How many times have I asked you to make use of my name?” he asked in a soft voice.
She wiped at an escaped tear in the corner of her eye. “Go to sleep, Brook.”
When he briefly touched her shoulder, she nearly vaulted off the bed at the charged energy that flowed through her. “Why did you kiss me, Hope?”
Obviously, he wouldn’t leave her alone unless she explained. “I merely wished for a return of the closeness we had last night. It made me feel...” How much should she confess? Then, deciding in for a penny in for a pound, she continued, “...made me feel as if I’m not a failure in everything a woman of quality is supposed to excel at.” Though the candor of the moment surprised her, a smidgeon of relief sailed down her spine.
At least the truth was finally out. Let him do with it what he would.
“If it is closeness you want, that can be had without kissing.”
Oh, what a dear, clueless man he was. Hope snorted, for it was a little bit funny. “What if I wanted the kissing?” Was that too shocking to admit as well?
For long moments, the duke didn’t respond, then he wrapped an arm about her waist, pulled her closer and encouraged her body to roll over until she faced him. “Why?” His intense blue gaze had the power to steal her breath. Could she drown in those eyes if she tried hard enough?
But he expected an answer. As best she could while lying on her left side, she shrugged. Heat burned in her cheeks. “I have never had the opportunity and I fear I never will now.” Being under the thumb of an exacting elderly peeress meant her social life—such as it was—would grind to a halt.
One of Brook’s blond eyebrows rose. “Your fiancé never kissed you?”
“Ha!” Though she wanted to laugh in self-derision, she frowned instead. It was difficult to concentrate with the duke so near and half naked. “Not in the way that put fire in my blood.” A tiny sigh escaped. This next bit would make her appear ever more pathetic. “I have only known proper gentlemen, and they have never done anything else to me. As evidenced from my unwed, unwanted, undesired state. With the exception of some fumbling touches with my fiancé before... everything broke.”
Oh, Hope, please stop talking!
Why did she tell him that? And apparently it wasn’t enough, for an urge deep inside encouraged her to confess everything else currently troubling her soul. “And even though I orally pleasured my fiancé...” Finally, she gained control over her rambles with a gasp as she stared at him in horror. “Please forget I said that. Oh, please, please, please pretend I didn’t,” she implored in a small voice.
Why couldn’t the bed crack in half and the floor swallow her up?
“Ah, Hope, you are such a refreshing breath of fresh air in this world.” When Brook chuckled, the rich sound reverberated in her chest. “I take no offense in either word or deed, though both give me a little more background on you.”
“Oh.”
“And there is nothing wrong with wanting to exchange pleasure with the man to whom you were engaged. If someone tries to shame you for that, it shows their characters, not yours.”
Another round of heat went through her cheeks. Never had she met a more understanding man. “I wanted to show him how I felt, give him something to remember me by when he returned to the field.” She huffed with frustration. “Not that it mattered, since he begged off the engagement not two weeks later.”
“Adding to what I have already said about the man, he was a nodcock.” The duke tucked a lock of her hair that had escaped her braid behind her ear. “I am quite certain if you wished to make a match, you could find someone within society.”
This time she did snort. “There won’t be much cause to circulate through Yorkshire society unless your aunt enjoys that side of life, but you said she is rather exacting...”
“That’s a nice way of putting it. I would say obnoxious.” He chuckled. “Let us not discuss my aunt right now.”
“All right.” When she would have rolled back over, he stayed her with a hand on her shoulder. “Was there something else?
“Yes.” Amusement twinkled in his eyes. “Truth be told, I am rather good at kissing, or so my wife always said.” That little crooked grin held her spellbound.
“Do you miss it?” There was so much she didn’t know about him.
“That closeness, that intimacy?” Emotions flit over his face she understood all too well. “I do, at times, and then I put those feelings away, go about my daily life. But they sneak back in, and the grief hits me again. At times, it’s an endless loop without escape.”
Tears again prickled the backs of her eyelids. “I know how you feel.” Her chin quivered the longer she looked at him. “I miss my parents fiercely. Grief is always there, lurking, waiting to catch us unawares.”
“Then the only answer is to learn to make room for it? Though I don’t wish to lose those memories, I don’t want to be held prisoner by them.”
Hope nodded. “Making room is a good explanation. Those memories do not deserve to be forgotten, not by either of us, but they are in the past and we cannot live there. Whatever it holds, the future is where we might find happiness again.”
“Sometimes I wonder if happiness is even possible for me after everything.” For long moments, he peered into her eyes. “We have gotten rather off the topic of kissing, don’t you think?”
“Perhaps.” She gave him a small smile. “Your Grace—Brook—you have my promise I will not manipulate the situation or demand you marry me.” It was important for him to understand that. She wanted nothing from him outside of this night. “I know where my life is headed. And we both understand it won’t be as the wife of a titled gentleman. That was never my fate to begin with.”
“I see.” He stared at her as the guttering flame of the candle sent weird shapes dancing along the walls, the look in his eyes enigmatic. “Perhaps we can work within those parameters, then.” Watching her the whole time, Brook slipped a hand around her nape and another on her hip. He pulled her close to his body, and then equally as slowly, even as she trembled, he claimed her lips with his.
Merciful heavens, I am being properly kissed by a duke!
It was as lovely as she’d hoped it would be.
His lips cradled hers as gently as his hand cradled the back of her head. For long moments, he moved his mouth over hers, allowing her to become acquainted with him, giving an introduction, telling her without words who he was and what sort of man she could expect.
Sensation shuddered down her spine, for in that one kiss there was a hidden promise. Of what she didn’t know, wouldn’t dare to think, but it was wonderful to see it glimmering there in the far recesses of her mind. Almost timidly, she mimicked what he did until she’d gotten the gist of how to not act like a cold fish. Then she slipped her hands up from where they rested on his bare chest to loop about the breadth of his shoulders. The duke moved slightly to settle her more comfortably in his embrace, and the strength of his arms around her was quite thrilling.
Then the pattern shifted, almost indiscernibly. Brook nibbled at the corners of her mouth, and then he lightly nipped at her bottom lip. Unexpected pleasure speared through her, zipped from her breasts to between her thighs.
“Ooh!” She stilled in an effort to make sense of the addition, and when he chuckled, a sea of sensation washed over her.
“If you are not comfortable with this, I shall beg off.”
“Please, continue. It is... different.” Hope pulled away just enough to peer into his eyes. “I had thought, stupidly, that kissing was merely the press of lips against each other.” He had opened the door to so many other possibilities she didn’t know what to do first.
“Oh, it is so much more than that.” One of his eyebrows arched in question, and when she gave him a shy nod, he claimed her lips again.
This time the introductions were finished, and the mood of the embrace changed. The duke drew the tip of his tongue across the expanse of her bottom lip. Tingles went through her lower belly, for it was both naughty and sweet at the same time. He kissed her with such leisure, as if he had all the time in the world, that she was easily lost and did her best to return those kisses. Not that it was a chore, for she’d become addicted to the press of his body against hers, the slight taste of mint on his mouth, the softness of his hair as it glided through her fingers at his nape.
Then he encouraged her lips to part, and as confusion beset her, he touched the tip of his tongue to hers, and her world tilted again. Satin slid against silk, forcing her to learn a whole new style of kissing, but this was so much more erotic than she could ever dream.
Hope clung to him as she became unmoored from reality. The thrill of dueling with his tongue was a new experience for her. Excitement shivered up her spine, and with it came a longing for something she didn’t quite understand.
Once more, the mood of the embrace shifted, and he returned to kissing her gently and leisurely without the deepness they’d just shared. She didn’t care, for it was just as wonderful, and she couldn’t wait to go through the whole gambit again. True to his word, the duke didn’t push for anything beyond the joy of kissing even as the hard evidence of his desire pressed insistently against her hip.
For a long time, she was lost to exploring his lips, to dragging her lips beneath the sharp cut of his jaw, to letting her fingers drift down the length of his back. Brook did the same, and each pass, every feather-weighted kiss and nip under her jaw or tiny little lick he gave beneath her earlobe or on the side of her neck sent her tumbling toward a shimmering edge, of what she couldn’t fathom.
Yet time and time again, she returned to his lips, and when the candle nub finally guttered out and the scent of smoke filled the air, Hope pulled away with a sigh of pure contentment.
“That was amazing,” she whispered and was glad for the darkness crowding through the room, for her cheeks blazed with heat and her nipples ached with arousal, begging for his touch, and with it came a longing to fulfil her in ways a kiss never could.
“I am glad I could at least give you this.”
“Did you enjoy it as well?”
“Surprisingly, yes, so thank you for that escape.” He released her, and a bit of his warmth faded. “Goodnight, Hope. Sleep well.”
“Goodnight, Brook.” With a smile, she turned onto her other side and faced away from him. Minutes later, a wave of exhaustion fell over her. I can become incredibly used to having the attentions of a man for no other reason than he wanted to kiss me. For the first time in a long while, she didn’t wrestle with worry over her future, and sleep wasn’t elusive.
