“What Doesn’t Kill You”
Episode 301
#2M5901
Written By Janet Tamaro
Directed By Michael Katleman
| PRODUCTION DRAFT | |
| February 28, 2012 | |
| BLUE FULL REVISED | |
| March 4, 2012 | |
| PINK PAGES REVISED | |
| March 7, 2012 | |
| P. 5, 15, 22, 23, 33, 33A, 41, 41A | YELLOW PAGES REVISED |
| March 11, 2012 |
All rights reserved. © 2012 Warner Horizon Television Inc. This script is the property of Horizon Scripted Television Inc. No portion of this script may be performed, reproduced or used by any means, or disclosed to, quoted or published in any medium without the prior written consent of Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc.
R&I 301
24 INT. MEDICAL EXAMINER’S OFFICE - MAURA’S OFFICE - DAY 2
Maura packs up a few files as Jane enters.
JANE
You’re back …
MAURA
Did you ever return my book, Soothing Paint Choices for the Home?
JANE
Yeah, a long time ago. So … you are back …
MAURA
(ignores question, looks)
How odd. I can’t seem to find it …
JANE
Did you give me back my “Guns of the World Digest”?
MAURA
(… unlike other people)
I always return things that I borrow.
Jane looks at Maura’s shelf suspiciously.
JANE
You sure?
MAURA
Of course I’m sure. Maybe you lost it. You do lose things.
(inspects chair)
Has Dr. Pike been sitting in my chair?
JANE
(sarcastic)
Could be. Is it broken? Hey, want me to find out if he’s been sleeping in your bed, too?
Pike enters after hearing his name.
PIKE
Were you looking for me?
JANE
And what about your food? Dr. Pike, have you been eating Maura’s porridge?
PIKE
Of course not.
MAURA
I’m glad you think you’re so funny.
JANE
Better to be funny than Poindexter, The Know-It-All.
MAURA
Better to be Poindexter The Know-It-All than the hoi polloi.
JANE
Good one, Maura.
MAURA
You don’t even know what it means.
PIKE
(helpfully)
It means common. Literal translation is, “the great unwashed.”
JANE
(heated)
Classy, Maura. Hide your insults in Latin.
MAURA
(equally heated)
It’s Greek.
Pike realizes this is getting serious. He dials his cell.
| JANE | PIKE |
| A geek who knows Greek. You realize how ridiculous you sound? You know, people laugh at you behind your back. | (to phone) I have a rapidly escalating assault and battery in the morgue … |
| Really? And people call you a bitch behind yours. | What’s the weapon? Uh … their mouths! |
Pike has a light-bulb realization: the job he wants is within his grasp. As he turns on the phone’s video camera –
PIKE
… yes, I’m maintaining a safe distance … Excuse me. Have to put you on speaker—
JANE
At least my father doesn’t stab people with ice picks when he’s pissed off!
As Cavanaugh BURSTS in –
MAURA
At least my father didn’t move to Florida to sleep with some floozie he met in a pizza parlor.
CAVANAUGH
(grabs iPhone from Pike)
Gimme that.
MAURA
Or was it a massage parlor?
JANE
Oh, look at you: going all trailer-trash-Snookie—
MAURA
I watched that show once! Once! It was ethnographic research!
Cavanaugh puts two fingers in his mouth, WHISTLES.
CAVANAUGH
Hey! Break it up, ladies!
Jane and Maura STOP in their tracks just as Capt. Connors enters, too.
CONNORS
What the hell is happening in your house, Lieutenant?
CAVANAUGH
I’ve got it under control.
CONNORS
I can see that: a homicide detective and a medical examiner having a cat fight that requires police intervention.
JANE
Cat fight? Did you just call a disagreement between female colleagues a cat fight?
MAURA
Actually, aggression between felines typically involves—
JANE
Oh for the love of Pete, stop.
CONNORS
I want Detective Rizzoli placed on leave.
CAVANAUGH
I’ll go one step better. Rizzoli, I’m transferring you out of Homicide.
JANE MAURA
What? What?
CAVANAUGH (CONT’D)
You got 30 seconds to get your ass over to Evidence Management.
JANE
Place me on leave! Don’t send me there –
CAVANAUGH
Go. Now!
Jane throws a furious look at Maura before she heads out.
PIKE
What about Dr. Isles? She was in the cat fight, too.
Maura pulls an envelope out of her bag and hands it to Pike.
MAURA
You’re in charge now.
PIKE
I am?
CAVANAUGH
What’s in that envelope?
MAURA
My resignation.
END OF ACT FOUR