INTRODUCTION |
Lifelong Creativity |
The phrase “creativity for life” means three quite different things. First, it means that creativity can permeate one’s life, that a person can be creative in the way she handles her job, solves problems around the house, plans menus for dinner parties, or takes in a sunset. She manifests the qualities of a creative person, like imagination, resourcefulness, self-direction, and so on, and shines them like a beacon on whatever she thinks about or tackles. Our shorthand, in this book, will be that she is “everyday creative” or engaged in “artful living.”
Second, it means that people who love things like art, music, literature, science, and, more broadly, gorgeous, thought-provoking, evocative things, want them in their lives. They want a life full of foreign movies, intellectual puzzles, and natural beauty. They love it that bookstores, museums, and concert halls exist, and they love it that they can fill their living space and their spare time with art. Our shorthand for this is an “art-filled life” or “art-filled living.” In this sense, having “creativity for life” means filling all your days with art and the joy that art brings.
Third, it means that a person can spend a lifetime creating in a particular domain, a domain to which she decides to devote herself. She can be creative as a violinist and devote herself to music. She can be creative as a writer and devote herself to writing novels. She can be creative as a research biologist and devote herself to scientific inquiry. Our shorthand for this is an “art-committed life” or “identifying as an artist.” This third avenue is the main focus of this book.
When you use a phrase like “creativity for life,” you likely mean all three things: that you want to be generally creative, because that is the way you manifest your potential, make meaning, and feel alive; that you want art in your life, you want to experience the joy of reading a novel or listening to music; and that you want to be creative in a particular area, because you feel love there, because you want to express yourself there, and perhaps because you consider it your most important meaning-making avenue. You want to be everyday creative and surrounded by art, but you also want to be an actor, say, or a screenwriter, and a successful one, at that.
An artful life, an art-filled life, and an art-committed life are not mutually exclusive ideas or ways of being. But they do present different challenges. This book focuses on the challenges that arise for the person who decides to identify as an artist (in the broad sense) and commit to a life in the arts. A different version of this book first appeared in 1992 as Staying Sane in the Arts, and a few years later it was updated in paperback as A Life in the Arts. Those titles describe my focus in this new expanded and updated edition. I also want to present core ideas about how you can manifest your creative potential in everything you do: that is, how to live an artful, as well as an art-committed, life.
As soon as you decide to be creative in a particular domain and that you mean to live as a novelist, biochemist, actor, or sculptor, you introduce a set of profound challenges that you would not have confronted if you had “settled” for artful living and an art-filled life. It is one thing to make an interesting pumpkin soup; it quite another to dream about becoming a chef and to live out that dream in the trenches. It is one thing to decorate your apartment with found objects that tickle your fancy; it is quite another to set your mind on becoming a “found object” artist. When you decide to devote yourself to creativity in a specific area, you raise the stakes tremendously, you organize your life around that dream, and you find that your emotions rise and fall with your successes and failures.
If, for example, you decide to be creative in a scientific specialty and you want to advance that specialty through your creative efforts, then suddenly it vitally matters that you get to study with the preeminent practitioners in your field, get funding for your lab, keep abreast of breakthroughs, avoid dead-end alleys (and theories) that waste years of your time, and so on. Because you want to be creative here, suddenly all that appears. If you don’t really care and decide not even to try, then the challenges evaporate. But if you do care, then each challenge is magnified in direct proportion to your hopes for yourself in that domain.
That is the subject of this book. When you commit to a life in the arts or to any field that demands your full creative involvement and your largest meaning investment — whether as a research physicist, inventor, poet, activist, investigative reporter, or country-western singer — then you have made a deal with yourself that you will spend years, decades, even a whole lifetime in the pursuit of real results, excellence, and success, however you might define or measure these. You have said to yourself, “I am authentically involved in this. This matters to me.” You have made a move at the level of meaning and identity; next come the repercussions.
Let’s ground these ideas by looking at the challenges that arise as soon as you identify yourself as, say, a classical musician. Perhaps you have trained on the oboe and would love to play the oboe as your life’s work. In our culture, this means that you will need to make money from playing the oboe, marry someone who will support you as you play the oboe, have the good sense to be born into wealth, or somehow cobble a life of settling customer complaints at your day job and keeping your quartet afloat in the evenings. That is, you will have to deal with the real, pressing, and persistent challenges that arise as a consequence of wanting to play the oboe as your life’s work.
As someone in this position, you will find yourself confronted by the following challenges:
• Getting it right. You will want and need to hit the right notes as you play. This alone is difficult. You will need to produce a pleasant sound. Anyone who has ever tried playing the oboe knows that this too can be difficult. You will need to come in on time when the music calls for your entry — every single time. If you are setting your sights high and want to make music, rather than “just” play the notes right, then you will need to rise to a level of practice, expertise, care, imagination, and personality management that taxes your resources and will sometimes seem quite beyond you.
• Getting it right in public. Because of your choice, you have made a pact with yourself to put yourself on the line in front of audiences, where everything about you and your playing can and will be scrutinized. You may find yourself a victim of performance anxiety, which may accompany you as an unwanted lifelong companion. You will certainly fall victim to subtle criticism (like a lukewarm round of applause at the end of a concert) and overt and sometimes hostile criticism (at the hands of reviewers, a caustic parent, an envious peer, a former teacher), and so your choice has made you a public figure, with all that entails.
• Having sufficient talent. You will need to deal with aspects of your being that amount to the thing we call “talent,” factors as diverse as the distance your fingers can reach, your lung capacity, your passion, your intuitive musical understanding, your healthy narcissism, and so on. Whatever the word talent means for you, it is a concept that will never be far from your mind and that will likely plague you. You may feel that you have an insufficient amount of it (“I’m just not that talented”), or maybe that you possess it but are failing to manifest it (“I have all this raw talent but I just can’t seem to harness it”).
• Accessing your internal resources. To play your instrument with feeling, you will need to feel, which is a stretch for many people. For reasons having to do with familial injunctions and cultural imperatives, as well as with individual personality differences, many people remain walled off from their feelings and operate in a superficial, matter-of-fact, literal way that, as it pertains to their music-making, causes them to play mechanically, without richness or depth. As our oboist, a challenge that you may never recognize, and so may never adequately address, is the fact that the quality of your music-making is related as much to your beating heart (and your internal psychological landscape) as it is to your moving fingers.
• Having some successes and feeling successful. For you to feel good about your journey, you will need opportunities to play — and you will need the right opportunities. Playing in a quartet that performs during Sunday brunch in the lounge of a fancy restaurant may feel fine when you are twenty, but it is unlikely to feel fine when you are forty. You are apt to consider yourself a success if: you are part of a symphony orchestra; it is a good orchestra; you are the principal oboist; you also get to play personally resonant music with a chamber group or as a soloist; you are recorded; you are considered a “top oboist”; and so on. Conversely, it will not feel good to play “second fiddle” to other oboists, to languish in long-term obscurity, or to remain on the far fringes of the oboe world.
• Dealing with the repertoire. Because you have decided to play the oboe as your life’s work, you must learn the pieces that you will be playing, even if you don’t love some of them, even if you find some of them devilishly hard, and even if it bores you to repeatedly play the same passages thousands of time in practice and in performance. Wittingly or not, you have tied your life, your days, and your future to particular pieces of music, and if you have fallen in love with the sound of the oboe but not with the oboe literature, then you may find yourself in lifelong conflict as you play music that taxes you and that you do not love.
• Competing. To get what you want, you will need to compete. You may not want to compete, you may not feel that you are actively competing, and you may shy away from competing, but you are nevertheless embedded in a world that is simple in its Darwinian survival-of-the-fittest logic. There are only so many openings for symphony oboists; there are only so many slots for principal oboists; there are only so many classical recordings that sell; there are only so many venues for your quartet; there is only so big a pie. If you were playing mountain music with your neighbors in the backwoods of rural America, this issue would not exist. You would just pull up a chair and play. But because of your choice, which inevitably involves you in auditions, comparisons, interpersonal dynamics, and every aspect of competition, you must either successfully compete or fall by the wayside.
• Relinquishing control. If you were sitting at home writing oboe music, you would be in complete control of your creative life, in a manner of speaking. To be sure, real limitations and challenges will arise as you try to compose; and the second you want your oboe piece publicly performed, you will lose all illusion of control and find yourself at the mercy of the marketplace. But there is still a real difference between the freedom and control a composer experiences and the lack of freedom and control felt by a performer. As a performer you must take direction; you must follow the music; you must play at a pace consistent with that of your fellow musicians; you must accept that you have tied your rope to this orchestra and now must travel with it to Berlin, or to Boise. You never really meant to relinquish control in this way, but your love of the oboe has led exactly to this dependency and to all these restrictions.
• Dealing with people like yourself. By virtue of your decision, you have also set yourself up to deal with people exactly like you, people who are ambitious, driven, competitive, sensitive, complex, eccentric, moody, self-absorbed, histrionic, and grandiose. Without intending it, you have landed yourself in a dramatic world of diva conductors, fanatic soloists, arch patrons, and other colorful — and difficult — characters. Will you land in bed, literally or figuratively, with a temperamental flautist or an anxious violinist? Quite likely — and with all the repercussions one would naturally expect.
As our oboist, what other challenges must you face? You must contend with the dead time between performances, the feelings that arise when you hear an oboist whom you consider better, the orchestra’s indifference as it plays a chestnut it has played too many times already, the fact that your salary does not quite make ends meet and your realization that you must somehow make more money, the criticism the woodwinds receive from the high-handed visiting conductor (criticism that, unfortunately, is justified), your lack of motivation to practice, and the nagging depression whose source you can’t quite identify though you know it has something to do with your choice to make a career in music. It isn’t that you can’t contend with these challenges and all the others that inevitably arise, but meeting them is anything but easy.
We will devote a lot of attention to the challenges of living an art-committed life and to the strategies you can employ to deal with those challenges. However, let’s spend at least a minute on the rewards! It doesn’t cheapen words like sacred or miraculous to say that creating a great symphony is miraculous and something like a sacred act, that penning a life-changing book is glorious for the writer and a boon to its readers, that curing a horrible disease is as good as good deeds get, that exposing high-level fraud by muckraking is as serious, worthy, and courageous an act as human beings are capable of performing. Because we have genuine meaning-making needs that can’t be minimized and because enterprises like medical research, novel writing, and documentary filmmaking, to name just three of many artistic pursuits, are substantial places to make meaning, we naturally gravitate toward these enterprises as lifelong loves. And it is a good thing that someone does!
Having outlined the challenges that are the subject of this book, I would like to make an important point at this early juncture: whether your goal is artful living, an art-filled life, or an art-committed life, the two keys to success are attention and practice. We tend to do an amazingly poor job of paying attention to our realities; we seem genetically programmed to repeat our days without improving our circumstances or deepening our awareness. Nor do we tend to commit to the lifelong, patient apprenticeship required of anyone who wants to translate her love of an art form into mastery and a body of work. In other words, we pay too little attention, and we don’t practice enough.
A novelist works too little on her novel, leaving the writing after a few minutes because she isn’t sure what comes next. The next day the same thing happens. Every day for a year she writes too little, until the time comes when, depressed and defeated, she throws in the towel and abandons the novel. Why didn’t a loud alarm go off that first day? Why didn’t she say, “Writing for two minutes, bad-mouthing myself, and then running off can’t be the way”? Why did the scales tip in favor of defensiveness and avoidance rather than self-encouragement, self-awareness, and the courage to continue?
I think that the image of a tipping scale provides us with an important clue. We live in a precarious balance between truly caring about our art-making and not caring about anything, between feeling real desire and feeling empty and dull, between trusting our abilities and not trusting them at all. We live in a precarious balance between acknowledging that we must make mistakes and messes if we are to venture into the unknown and refusing to acknowledge that mistakes and messes come with the territory. We stand poised between paying attention and not paying attention, and between committing to lifelong practice and refusing to make that commitment. Every day the scales tip one way or the other, but usually in the direction of avoidance.
It is an act of courage to maintain awareness. If you are feeling courageous, I invite you to engage in the guided writing program presented in part 4. More simply, I invite you to tell yourself the truth. If your truth is that writing a novel feels scary, admit that, rather than telling yourself things like “I have no imagination” or “It’s too late to start.” If your truth is that your life is out of control and creativity is just one of the many things that you aren’t attending to, stand up and admit that to yourself, even if it means that you must change everything. Nor can you do this truth telling just once or twice: you need to do it today, tomorrow, and forever.
Pay attention. And practice. You will feel more positive, motivated, and on track if you commit to a daily practice that connects to your creative discipline. This means, if you are a writer, writing every day, turning to your work even when you don’t feel equal to it, refusing to get up from your writing even when you feel anxious or uncertain, eliminating the dodges that you customarily employ to avoid writing, accepting the trials that come with attempting to write well, attempting to write often, attempting to get published, and so on. In part 4 I describe the elements of a creativity practice. The challenges that we face as art-committed human beings are so great that unless we commit to lifelong practice, we have little chance of handling them. I hope that you will start your creativity practice very, very soon.
My goal with this book is to help the working artist in the real world (and the would-be artist who hasn’t yet taken the plunge). That artist is often uncertain about his talent, wants to do art his own way but must also do business and factor in the demands of the marketplace, is hard-pressed to make a living from his art, possesses a personality that sometimes does not serve him well, frequently suffers from bouts of depression, and in general faces as tough an uphill battle as one can imagine.
In this context, I define as successful the self-aware, resourceful artist who understands her personality, her chosen life, and the world so well that she can maintain her spirits, her relationships, and her creativity even as she wrestles with the day-to-day challenges confronting her. While she is not without anxieties and eccentricities, black spells, periods of inactivity, and crises of faith, she weathers these and returns to champion her art.
There’s no such thing beneath the heavens as conditions favorable to art. Art must crash through or perish.
— SYLVIA ASHTON-WARNER
I did not write this book as a dirge to accompany the artist’s life. Rather, it is a celebration of the artist’s heroism. A participant in one of my workshops, a poet and small-press editor, felt reminded by day’s end of the importance of honoring the hard and courageous work she did as an artist. She said, “I leave here feeling stronger and more joyous about the choices I’ve made, the work I’ve done, and more confident about the work I’ll continue to do.” I hope that you will feel that way, too, as you meet the material in this book head-on.
As society’s visionaries and rebels, artists often remain unthanked and unheard. I hope that as you read this book you will feel recognized and, in some small measure, rewarded for committing to the artist’s life. I also firmly believe that you will have greater success as an artist and will simply feel better if you take the time to carefully process the material presented here. There are many ways to do this — by discussing the issues with your peers, by bringing them up in therapy, by using your medium as a tool of exploration, and especially by committing to the self-awareness and creativity practices outlined in part 4.
I am guessing that you want to manifest your creative nature in the three ways mentioned above: that you are interested in artful living, in an art-filled life, and in an art-committed life. You want to use your brain every day for real stretches of time and not just on the occasional Thursday for twenty minutes. You want to go deep into yourself and into the nature of reality. You want to feel proud of your meaning-making efforts. If we understand the word to include everything that we’ve been discussing, you want to be an artist. Anything less feels like a waste of your potential and a violation of your understanding of what life’s about. Good, then! Let’s plot your course in the direction of lifelong creativity.