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They slammed their car doors and took a moment to stare at the Nguyen residence.
The drapes were drawn on every window, and the brick looked darker that it once had been. Obviously it hadn’t been pressure washed in years, and the white aluminum awnings over the windows were deeply yellowed and rusted. The grass hadn’t been mowed in a long time, and the hedges by all of the windows were in a desperate need of a trim.
Chase couldn’t believe it.
“Yea, it got bad,” Carolyn said with her hands on her hips, tilting on the ball of her left foot. “You didn’t know?”
Chase shook his head, a cool breeze whipping through his hair.
“After his death I stopped coming this way at all. I couldn’t see his house. I would lose it. I would just fall apart. So I never went past the school and then once we left Proctor, I stayed in the Stadium District, downtown, and Sixth Ave.
“But going near the school or Stevens? Nope.”
“Me either,” Amanda said, her arms folded across her chest.
She was dressed in a chambray shirt which was tucked into tight denim jeans, her pale mane pulled back from her face in a loose clip.
Chase looked over at Aaron and saw the way his eyes were fixed on Bailey’s house, and the way he hugged himself and rubbed his arm, and for a moment, Chase feared that Aaron would hurt himself.
He’s stronger than me. I have to stop doing that to him. Even if I don’t say it. Jumping to that every time is really fucked.
“You okay?” Chase asked him.
Aaron turned and looked at him. He smiled and Chase couldn’t help but feel like he was melting—becoming mush inside.
“Yeah,” Aaron nodded. “I can do this.”
They all looked at each other, gathered in a sloppy half-circle and nodded. They all took a deep breath and Carolyn led the way to her grandmother’s front door. The air was cool and damp, and there was a veil of mist in the air as they walked up the concrete path to the house.
In contrast to Bailey’s, Carolyn’s grandmother’s house was nice and neat with well-tended green grass and clean pale blue siding with white trim and decorative shutters. The large windows were all open, even on this gray day, as if inviting them in from the street.
Carolyn walked up to the white front door and gave the handle a turn, pushing it wide open. Immediately they had been greeted by the tiny barks of numerous dogs.
“Hi, babies!” Carolyn said to the dogs.
Chase and Aaron looked at each other, and Aaron had the type of smile on his face that Chase had never seen on him before. It was joy. An absolute, pure and consuming joy, and all it took were some dogs to do it.
“Oh, my God, they’re so cute!” Tammy exclaimed, looking down at the six tiny dogs barking and wagging their tails at their feet.
There were two Chihuahuas, one blond male and the other, a little white female with a pink nose. They were named Taco and Gordita. The other four were white piles of fur who were poodle/bichon mixes named Baby, Lady, Bubba, and a short-legged one with big eyes named Stumpy.
“They have the cutest names!” Amanda said, rubbing the face of the one named Baby, who was setting her paws on Amanda’s knee.
Carolyn picked up the tiny pink-nosed Gordita and held her tight against her chest.
“Oh, thanks.”
“Carolyn, is that you?” an elderly woman with a raspy voice shouted from somewhere in the house.
“Hi, Grandma!” she answered back. “I have some friends with me.”
They all made their way up a set of wide stone steps which led to the main part of the house. Straight ahead of the stairs was a large, bright kitchen, and on their right was the large living room with white walls, a large mid-century brick fireplace, also painted white, and a large picture window that looked out on the front of the house.
The house was light and airy with high ceilings, and the views from the large dining room window looked out on a good-sized backyard. In a recliner with a crochet multi-colored blanket covering her lap was Carolyn’s grandmother.
“A lot of friends,” her grandmother commented.
“Yeah, I know. Everyone, this is my grandma, Mary; and Grandma this is Aaron, Chase, Tammy, and Amanda.”
She pointed to each one while naming them off and in response, each person lifted their hands in a wave.
“What are you doing?” Carolyn asked her.
Her grandmother sat with a cigarette burning in an ash tray, and next to it was an opened can of caffeine-free Diet Coke. Chase smirked at the sight of it, not being able to recall the last time he had ever seen it in the grocery store.
She was scribbling on a yellow legal pad, her small wizened eyes looking at them from the other side of her glasses, and the gray daylight reflected off of her white-blonde hair.
“Plotting,” Mary Carter said to her granddaughter.
Carolyn nodded and looked at them.
“My grandmother is a pretty successful romance author. She writes under a pen name, though.”
They all looked visibly stunned at the revelation.
“Wow, that’s so freaking cool! Really?” Tammy asked her.
“I get by,” Mary said with a laugh. “Your mom’s at work and Travis is still at school... possibly. You never know with him.”
Carolyn and her grandmother laughed while the dogs, with the exception of Gordita who was still in Carolyn’s arms, resumed their place on the large sofa in front of the window.
“Of course,” Carolyn said.
“You haven’t been here for almost four years; I’m surprised,” Mary said to her granddaughter.
Carolyn gave a slow, agreeing nod.
“Yeah, I know. Ironically, the reason I’m here is the same reason I haven’t been back....”
Mary sighed and put her notepad down on the brass TV tray in front of her and picked up her cigarette and gave a drag, the bluish smoke curling to the ceiling and she shook her head as she blew it out.
“Goddamn it, Care—”
“What?” Carolyn asked her grandmother, her tone beginning to rise with the stern woman in front of them.
“You have to let this Nguyen boy go. Is this for your degree? Are you doing a paper on juvenile psychopaths or something?”
They all stood their silently, shifting their weight from one foot to the next and staring awkwardly at Carolyn.
“No, Grandma.”
“Then why in the hell would you want to come back to all of that? Especially with his poor mother over there!”
Carolyn shrugged and tucked her red hair behind her ears.
“How is she? Pamela?”
Mary Carter shook her head and took another drag from her cigarette and a sip from her gold can.
“Not any better than she was when he died. Not any better than when you left, and not any better than she was last year. Honestly, she’s probably worse.”
“Have you seen her?” Carolyn asked.
Chase, Amanda, and Aaron continued to look at each other, all of them thinking about the house next door and the woman inside. Aaron had never seen Bailey’s parents, and so had no point of reference beyond what he had learned at dinner two nights before, but Amanda and Chase were obviously thinking of their last encounter with the grieving and broken mother.
“Oh, here and there. Maybe five times or so. She’s usually just walking through her house, sitting in the boy’s room. She doesn’t wave.
“You two used to get along so well.”
Chase could see the pain on Carolyn’s face. He had never known that Bailey and Carolyn had been so entwined with one another before middle school, and now he was getting another glimpse—another aspect into his dead friend’s life that Bailey had always kept him and Amanda out of.
“His death hit her hard,” Carolyn finally said with a sigh.
“It hit you hard too,” Mary said to her. “But maybe it was relief, and guilt for that relief.”
Carolyn shrugged. “Maybe.”
“So, why bring all your friends?” Mary asked. She took another drag and reached for her pad and pen, picking it up and drawing it back into her lap.
“Um, well, Aaron, Chase, and Amanda knew Bailey too.”
“Proctor kids,” Mary surmised. “I’m so sorry for all of you. Such a dark time. And that boy... the other one... the one in the bathroom with him.... such a tragedy.”
Chase folded his arms across his chest and glanced over at Aaron, who had stuffed his hands into his front pockets and was looking at him nervously from the floor.
“Yeah, I bet he’s doing pretty amazing for himself, all things considered,” Chase added.
Mary shook her head.
“I used to see that boy from my window. He lived around here. Bailey was always around him. Antagonizing him. You could tell they weren’t friends. Bailey was a little too infatuated with that boy, if you ask me.
“I never liked it.”
Tammy moved over to the sofa with the dogs and took a seat, letting them begin to crawl over her and lick her excitedly.
“Why?” she asked Carolyn’s grandmother, her amber eyes and her golden curls reflecting the dreary light.
Mary looked at her and took another drag from her cigarette.
“Bailey Nguyen liked to possess things. He liked to be in control of every situation and dictate what people did. He liked pushing limits and making people uncomfortable.
“At first, when he and Carolyn were little, we thought Bailey had a crush on Carolyn, but it was more like he wanted to consume her time and attention—for as long as it entertained him—then when he was bored he just walked away. Even ignored her. I think that’s how you and Pamela started spending time together....”
Carolyn nodded.
“But that little boy.... I had stopped seeing Bailey out. He would usually get on his bike and ride around with this blond boy and girl, and be gone for hours, but that summer before your last year... he started riding around the neighborhood as if waiting for something.
“Like an animal on the National Geographic or something... this whole area—Twenty-Ninth Street—it was like his hunting ground and there was one prey he wanted, and it was that boy.
“I know he was the same boy who was in that bathroom with him. I can’t imagine that boy is all right. I hope he is, but I can’t see how.”
Chase wanted to speak up. He wanted to take Aaron’s hand and tell Carolyn’s grandmother that this was the boy and he was doing better than any one of them could have ever thought.
Now wasn’t the time for that though. There had been too many revelations in the past forty-eight hours and there was still so much more to come.
They all looked at each other and then to Aaron, and they could all tell by the look on his face, the way he hung his head and shuffled nervously in place, that he wasn’t comfortable with her knowing.
He wanted to be myth.
It was easier than revealing the truth and having to explain what happened without actually revealing anything.
It was exhausting. It had been for all of them, but no more so than Aaron, and it always had to be his choice—his decision—about what was and wasn’t divulged.
“I’m going to show them my room,” Carolyn said.
Mary looked at all of them and then nodded, taking another sip of her soda and another drag from her cigarette before putting it out in the clear glass dish.
Carolyn cocked her head as she turned, and they all turned to follow her, Tammy setting down the little white one named Baby and rising from the sofa, casually wiping the hairs from her jeans.
They made their way down the hallway with white walls, and a large bedroom to their right. “This is my grandma’s room.” They took a left and there was a large sitting area with a black baby grand piano, and opposite that was the bathroom with its retro tile and muted light coming from the window with its frosted glass that looked out on the side of the house.
On their right was a white door with a brass handle, and when Carolyn pushed it open, they were met with rainbow-colored walls—each wall a different color—covered in movie posters such as Coyote Ugly, Spice World, and The Craft, along with posters of pop groups like Steps, S Club7, ABBA, and framed vinyl sleeves of Mama Cass and Stevie Nicks.
“Oh, my God, I love your room!” Tammy said to Carolyn, leaning over and kissing her on the cheek, and patting Gordita on the head as she pulled away.
“Serious time capsule!” Amanda added with a grin.
“Oh, thanks. Yeah, I’m actually glad they’ve kept it, even though I don’t know if I’ll ever sleep in it again,” Carolyn said with a bright smile.
Chase stood there watching Aaron, who was staring straight ahead at Bailey’s house on the other side of the window, his eyes fixed on that room. The blinds were down but the slats were open, giving a glimpse into the dark space.
“You weren’t joking when you said you guys faced each other,” Chase remarked. “And you would just find him standing there at night, staring at you?”
Carolyn nodded and walked towards him, closer to that window.
“Yeah, scary huh?”
Chase shook his head. “It’s crazy.”
Just then there was movement. Something rising and moving across those blinds, a shadowed silhouette that made Chase think of a ghost.
Aaron’s mouth fell open and he took a step back and turned his head towards Chase. It was the first time that he had looked away from the window since they had walked into Carolyn’s childhood room.
“Is it Pamela?” he asked.
Carolyn shrugged. “Probably.”
“I wonder if she’s aware. If she knows that we were looking at her?” Amanda whispered.
“I don’t know. I mean, probably not. I’m not really sure of what she is or isn’t aware of at this point.” Carolyn answered back, her eyes still locked on Bailey’s window.
“Should we head over?” Tammy asked.
They all looked at Aaron, giving him the deciding vote.
He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath and turned his back on the window completely, making his way back towards the door.
“It’s why we’re here.” He finally said.
“Babe, are you sure you’re ready to go over there?” Chase asked.
Aaron was deep in thought—lost inside of himself—and everything inside of him told Chase that Aaron needed space. A physical distance between him and everyone else. This was the belly of the beast. The place where his nightmares began all of those years ago, and however he processed it, Chase wanted to make sure that he was respectful of it.
“Okay, then, let’s go,” Chase finally said, looking at the others.
They all gave somber nods and began to make their way out of Carolyn’s room, closing the door behind them and making their way back towards the living room, all of them preparing themselves for the walk across the front lawn and to the Nguyen’s door.