My hand stings.
The pain is worth it though.
Just when I’d sworn that Jax was no longer my problem, he became a bigger one. I should’ve ignored his rude comment and stayed with Grant. That would’ve pissed him off more.
He knew he’d gain a reaction from me.
Knew what he was doing.
And I played right into his ridiculous game.
And now, I’m standing in the back hallway of the bar, waving Frankie over and asking her to get Essie for me. No way in hell am I facing anyone out there. I’m sure there were plenty of people who caught Jax’s furious face, his angry strides, and the murderous glare on my face as I chased after him.
Essie rushes toward me and drags me into her arms, and I sob into her shoulder, feeling bad as my mascara smears her cashmere sweater.
“I promise, I will be doing more damage to my cousin than just a simple dunking.” She soothingly rubs her hand up and down my back.
When I lean back and rest against a wall, I ignore the Down Home employees eyeing us, but, hey, I’m the owner’s daughter. It’s not like they can kick me out.
If I want to have an emotional breakdown back here, let me.
Essie texts Ava, instructing her to grab my purse, get her car, and meet us in the back.
My stomach twists into a ball of nerves at the thought of returning to where I was and possibly facing Jax. But he’s one face. If I choose to exit through the main entrance, it’s more faces and more gossiping. All I have to do is not pay a glance to the staircase he just fucked me senseless on, and all will be good.
And that’s what I do.
I don’t steal a look to see if he’s there.
I slap my forehead when I squeeze into the passenger seat of Ava’s Honda while Essie takes the back.
How could I have been so dumb?
I’d love to slap my vagina, too, pissed at it for aching for Jax, but that would only cause my friends to think I’ve lost my mind more, and my lady regions are also sore from Jax’s hard thrusts.
Ava drives to Essie’s, where Callie and Mia meet us, and we enter Essie’s guesthouse, which resembles a cottage you’d find in a fairy tale. I’m shaking as I walk to the bathroom and clean myself up. Essie lends me a pair of silk pajamas while I profusely apologize for ruining her birthday.
Essie shakes her head and plops down next to me. “Girl, I’d much rather be in here, hanging out with you guys, than with my brother’s friends anyway.”
We watch movies, and then I trek to the guest room, remembering my and Jax’s last words.
“Was this your plan all along?”
“Maybe it was.”
Then, I silently cry myself to sleep.
The world hates me.
Swear to freaking God, it hates me.
As if a hangover and morning of regret aren’t enough, when I walk out of Essie’s for fresh air, I come face-to-face with Jax as he exits River’s. Oh, and my hair is a rat’s nest made in heaven.
What did I do in my past life to deserve this?
I halt in step, him doing the same, while I give him a once-over, taking in his vacant, tired eyes and solemn face. He’s changed, freshly showered, but even that can’t mask his internal misery that’s beginning to display externally.
“What are you doing here?”
“I slept in River’s guesthouse.” He rubs the back of his neck. “What are you doing here?”
“I slept at Essie’s.” I blink rapidly, urging my sleepy eyes to stay open.
He kicks his Chucks against the concrete. “Do you want a ride home?”
I’m quiet.
He might look as if he’s been through the wringer, but I don’t forget what he did last night.
For that, for not even giving me a simple apology, I will have limited sympathy for him.
“It’s on the way, Amelia.” He runs his hand through his hair before tugging on the collar of his black tee. “Get in my damn car, Amelia. It’s too early to go back and forth with you.”
Everyone in the house is asleep, so I’d have to either wake someone up or wait until they wake up on their own.
“Fine,” I say, feigning annoyance, as if he’s forcing me to leave with him. “Let me grab my purse.”
I pass Callie, who is stretched out on the couch, and Ava, who’s on the love seat next to her, and then I tiptoe past Essie’s bedroom, where she and Mia are sleeping. Embarrassingly, I stop in the bathroom for a quick check of my reflection. I run my hand through my hair—a failed attempt to tame its wildness—before stealing one of Essie’s hair ties. It’s when I’m shoving my hair up in a messy bun that I notice the bruise-like mark on my neck.
That motherfucker gave me a hickey.
Jax is standing outside Essie’s door, his hands shoved into his pockets.
“Why are you sleeping at River’s?” I ask as we creep up the paved walkway alongside each other, walking toward his Land Rover. “Essie said you’ve been crashing here.”
He lifts his shoulder in a half-shrug, offering me nothing.
Him opening my door, leaving me space to slide inside, and shutting it behind me surprise me.
When he joins me in the Land Rover, I can’t hold myself back from asking, “Why are we on this roller coaster, Jaxson?”
Hopefully, he’ll answer this question.
“I don’t know,” he grumbles, shifting the SUV into drive.
Jax isn’t putting us through hell for shits and giggles.
He’s not playing with my heart for fun.
The man is warring with himself, guilt eating at him.
And I’m the easiest person for him to push away and also the easiest person for him to lash out on.
The ride goes quiet, neither one of us giving the other any more explanations.
It isn’t until he’s edging onto the curb of my townhome and I’m unbuckling my seat belt that he says, “This has to stop.”
I nod in agreement, bowing my head. “This has to stop.” My throat burns. “Are you, uh … with someone?”
You should’ve asked that before riding his dick last night, dummy.
He jerks back, as if that’s the biggest insult I’ve ever given him. “That’d be a negative.”
“No way Jax Bridges has been celibate for that long.”
His eyes are red, and he rubs them with the lower part of his palm. “I haven’t touched or thought about another woman. So, no, there’s no one else because it’s always been you.”
Here it comes, this roller coaster starting again.
“Always been me?” I huff. “You’ve had your share of hookups for years.”
His gaze flicks to me, the grim expression on his face darkening. “I’m sorry, Amelia, but has it always been me for you?”
This time, it’s me jerking back at the insult.
“Did I date someone for years?” His voice suddenly reeks of repulsion. “Did I say yes to marrying someone else? Yes, I fucked a few girls here and there, but it was still always you. Can you say the same?”
“There you go,” I say, eyeing him warily. “Pushing me away more.”
He groans, dropping his head against the headrest. “We’ve always been this way, pushing each other away, since my balls dropped.”
“Don’t say things that will make me laugh.”
He lowers his head, meeting my eyes again, and my entire body trembles when he reaches out and caresses my neck. Using the pad of his thumb, he strokes small circles in a particular spot, over and over, and I relax into his touch. My breathing turns uneasy, and I’m not sure how long we sit there, parked, as he touches me for what feels like the last time.
“If only this could stay here forever, like you will in my heart,” he says, his voice as soothing as his touch, and he pulls away. “Good-bye, Amelia.”
I replace his hand with mine, realizing he was talking about my hickey. Without a response, I grip the door handle and step out of the car.
“And, Amelia?”
I cast a glance at him over my shoulder, not turning around.
“Were you lying about selling me your share of the brewery?”
I slowly shake my head.
“Be a woman of your word.”
There’s no need for me to reply, so I don’t.
But I swear, right before I shut the door, I hear him desperately say, “Please, don’t,” under his breath before I slam the door.