SKILL 2

Self-Actualization

WHAT IS IT?

Bar-On presents the following definition: “Self-actualization is the process of striving to actualize one’s potential capacity, abilities, and talents. It requires the ability and drive to set and achieve goals. It is characterized by being involved in and feeling committed to various interests and pursuits. Self-actualization is a life-long effort leading to the enrichment of life” (2001, p. 89).

Psychologist Abraham Maslow was probably the first to identify the skill of self-actualization. Remember his hierarchy of needs? Writing in the middle of the 20th century, Maslow (1970) identified a hierarchy of core needs, each of which must be adequately addressed before the next step can be fully taken. The hierarchy proceeds from physiological (food, shelter, water) to safety (security, order, law) to belongingness and love needs (giving and receiving affection) to esteem needs (self-respect and the esteem of others) and finally to self-actualization.

Maslow emphasized that we must live up to our potential or we will feel dissatisfied. Self-actualization is the process of being true to our own nature and fully committed to developing our capabilities. It includes the concepts of growth, motivation, and meeting our “being” needs. Maslow later redefined self-actualization as a function of peak experiences, and it is from this aspect of the definition that some people associate self-actualization with mystical experiences. While those fortunate ones who do have mystical experiences surely are on the track of self-actualization, there are many other more common expressions of this skill to be found in daily life.

In accord with Maslow, Bar-On (2001) writes that self-actualization “is most likely the next and ultimate step after EI in the complex process of personal development. While emotional intelligence relates to being effective, self-actualization relates to doing the best you can possibly do. Or, put another way, when we are self-actualized, we have gone beyond EI to achieve a higher level of human effectiveness” (p. 85).

In this 2001 article, Bar-On reports that “the best predictors of self-actualization are the following eight EI factors, listed in order of importance:

Happiness

Optimism

Self-regard

Independence

Problem solving

Social responsibility

Assertiveness

Emotional self-awareness” (p. 92)

What a profound example of the importance of building all parts of our emotional intelligence! Self-actualization reflects how successful we feel at achieving the goals that make life meaningful for us individually. This ability to construct meaning from the challenging and even violent aspects of human experience demonstrate the amazing resilience of the human spirit. Inspiring stories of people who were able to demonstrate this skill under the very worst of conditions can be found in Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.

In this work, we are focusing on the aspects of self-motivation, which, when combined with strengths in happiness and optimism as well as the other six skills, helps us live an energized and fully engaged life. Self-actualization is a journey, not a destination. It is the place where our “doing” and our “being” modes can be joined.

Thus the key questions are

WHY SHOULD WE CARE ABOUT SELF-ACTUALIZATION?

We all have a deep inner calling to be all that we can be. For some of us this is a loud and insistent holler, while for others it may be a quiet whisper. Our current state of happiness, optimism, and the other six factors that are the underpinnings of self-actualization will influence our desire to grow this skill and our sense that it is possible. If we are inclined to be pessimistic, we limit our sense of possibility and miss many opportunities. Perhaps even the pessimist can say to him- or herself, “Well, IF it were possible, I would like to be. . . . ” This is the path to actualizing our dreams, what makes our lives meaningful—one day at a time.

Self-actualization is critical for today’s successful businesses. Millions of dollars are spent annually in working with teams and in developing employees to help grow their motivation to be the best they can be. In this very practical sense, self-actualization is at the heart of organizational success. In fact, when Stein and Book (2011) wrote The EQ Edge, they conducted research using the EQ-i on nearly five thousand working people in many different occupations. They found that the first of the top five factors of overall success is self-actualization. Thus, it is one of the most important factors for organizations to highlight for employee development.

HOW CAN WE BUILD SELF-ACTUALIZATION?

image Remember that self-actualization is an evolutionary journey. Be motivated to be the best you can be today. Don’t get depressed that you haven’t accomplished everything by today, and watch success unfold!

Pay attention to your longings and the deep messages you give yourself. Are you longing to be an artist, but you’re a banker—or vice versa? This EI skill builds on eight other skills, so it’s not an area of solo perfection. It’s an integrated part of who one is. Use the exercises in Part Three of this book to identify your own or your client’s capacities in the eight identified skill areas. It is important to notice which skills support us the most and which can be improved to help increase our self-actualization.

Pace yourself and teach your client(s) to do the same! This isn’t a race; it’s evolutionary. If you will intentionally move forward on a regular basis, one step at a time, keeping the vision as a possibility, you’ll be able to listen to the wisdom within and enjoy much more growth than if you are always feeling bad because you “should do more.” After all, the “should’s” are out—they went with the last century. This is the time of possibility.

TRANSFORMATIONAL BENEFITS

Are you kidding? This is it, baby! Self-actualization can rocket a person right off the planet! The potential as one grows this skill is unlimited. Welcome the surprises.

Individually, we are much more comfortable, resilient, and fun to be with when we know we are on the right path. For most organizations, motivating employees is a key goal. Developing self-actualization is central to inspiring employees and helps everyone clarify which motivational strategies are most effective for him or her.

image STAR PERFORMER

Viktor Frankl, M.D., Ph.D., the author of Man’s Search for Meaning (2000) was a highly inspirational psychiatrist and a professor of neurology and psychiatry at the University of Vienna Medical School. He was interned for three years at Auschwitz, Dachau, and other concentration camps. During that time he began his study of what guides us as humans. He noticed that the same horrendous conditions affected all the prisoners in the camps, yet a few were able to survive. His answer to why that occurred focused on people’s individual attitudes. His teachings that no one else can ever control one’s attitude, and that this is a great personal resource, have been recited across the world to inspire people in all walks of life.

image REEL PERFORMER

In It’s a Wonderful Life, George Bailey (Jimmy Stewart) struggles with wondering whether his hardworking life in Bedford Falls has been worth anything. He gave up travel and other personal desires to save the small town from being taken over by a rich skinflint, Mr. Potter. But his work looks like a failure when his uncle loses $8,000 on Christmas Eve, resulting in Bailey thinking he’ll lose the business and go to jail. When wondering whether suicide is a good option, prayers and an angel help him realize how valuable he is to so many. George is able to appreciate the value of his life and his many contributions.