SKILL 11
Reality Testing
Our reality testing determines how clearly we discern what is actually happening in the world around us. We have learned to interpret and color our objective experience with all sorts of desires, fears, and distortions. In order to avoid mistaking our overly negative or overly positive perceptions of experience for reality, we must develop reliable processes for confirming the objective correspondence of our feelings, perceptions, and thoughts with the immediate situation.
An important aspect of reality testing is that it must occur in the “now” moment. Stein and Book state that “reality testing involves ‘tuning in’ to the immediate situation. . . . it is the capacity to see things objectively, the way they are, rather than the way we wish or fear them to be. Testing this degree of correspondence involves the search for objective evidence to confirm, justify, and support feelings, perceptions, and thoughts” (2011, p. 159).
It is also important to remember that in one sense we can never see reality directly; we only see it through our own perceptions. Our perceptions are learned from our experience and our society, and they give us a map of our reality, but no matter how accurate that map may be, it is never the whole territory. Improving our reality testing means verifying how well our perceptions match those of others and adding detail to that map, but in order to be as accurate as possible, it must also always honor the mystery that lies beyond all we can ever perceive.
WHY SHOULD WE CARE ABOUT REALITY TESTING?
If there is an absolute reality out there, it is very likely that no human being knows it with perfect clarity, because we have all learned to see, experience, and construct our world out of a learned perceptual bias. Because we use only three of our five senses to construct the vast majority of our experience of reality, it is always very helpful to verify that what we see, hear, and feel/sense in the world around us is accurately perceived. Likewise, it is very helpful to periodically check out our reasoning processes to confirm that the conclusions we are drawing actually follow logically from all the information that is available to us.
When we fail to do this, we are not testing reality well enough to achieve consistently the results we desire. We may avoid reality testing either because we are reluctant to engage fully in the world or because we are conditioned to expect results that are consistently better or worse than objective reality shows them to be.
HOW CAN WE BUILD REALITY TESTING?
Be a little bit skeptical! Ask yourself:
- “What evidence am I relying on when I believe this is as it appears to be?”
- “Who wants me to believe this is reality? What are his or her motives?”
The best way to assess and develop our reality testing skills is by calling our perceptions and desires into question on a regular basis. This can be done effectively in several ways.
First, check in with your body at the sensory level—“How is my body feeling now? Hot? Warm? Cool? Centered? Upset? Out of balance?” What does that information tell you?
Then ask questions like: “What kinds of sounds am I hearing around me? Soothing? Abrasive? Scary? Angry? Seductive? Supportive? Challenging? How accurately am I seeing the situation in which I find myself? Do people really feel the way they appear to? Am I exaggerating the significance of what I perceive—either positively or negatively?”
Another way to check the quality of your reality testing is to figure out all who have a significant stake in the outcome of the situation at hand. Observe them and notice how they are responding. If it is appropriate to do so, tell them your take on the situation and ask whether they concur.
The benefits of developing good reality testing skills can be expressed very succinctly—these skills are what help us avoid the unexpected loss, disappointment, and bad luck that we can inadvertently cause for ourselves and others when we haven’t assessed a situation accurately. Moreover, they help us get on the same page with everyone who is involved and keep our efforts coordinated.
STAR PERFORMERGood reality testing is tempered by optimism; Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton is a champion at demonstrating the courage to take chances, to go for the gold while also tempering her hopes and dreams with the reality of the situation. She has demonstrated this skill in running for office as U.S. Senator from the state of New York—and winning—and again in her dramatic bid for President of the United States in 2008. She came quite close to winning and forged a new path for women in the United States. She continues bringing her skills in reality testing, optimism, courage, and brilliant dignity to her service as Secretary of State and responding to significant issues throughout the world.
REEL PERFORMERThe Hurt Locker is an intense movie depicting a real-life situation. During the conflict in Iraq, elite U.S. soldiers are engaged in one of the most dangerous jobs imaginable, disarming bombs in the heat of combat. Director Kathryn Bigelow won the Academy Award for this emotional movie where reality testing is required minute by minute due to the bombs as well as a dicey new sergeant.