SKILL 16
Happiness/Well-Being
We all think we know what happiness really is. But do we? The new EQ-i2.0 has changed the way happiness is presented; it is now separate from the fifteen subscales and incorporated with a new concept referred to as a Well-Being Indicator. As such, it doesn’t contribute to the Total EI score; rather it is presented as a composite picture together with self-regard, optimism, interpersonal relationships, and self-actualization. The report focuses on viewing happiness as a barometer of emotional health and well-being, which ties together well with the research by Bar-On.
Bar-On (2002, p. 18) says happiness is “the ability to feel satisfied with one’s life, to enjoy oneself and others, and to have fun.” He continues by saying that “happiness combines self-satisfaction, general contentment, and the ability to enjoy life.” Most importantly perhaps, Dr. Bar-On found in doing his extensive research that happiness is a “by-product and/or barometric indicator of one’s overall degree of emotional intelligence and emotional functioning.”
Notice that the definition indicates that our level of happiness is an indicator of all of our emotional intelligence. Certainly one of the most important words in the definition is satisfaction. Our level of satisfaction with present circumstances will greatly impact our ability to be happy and the whole range of our emotional intelligence.
Webster’s (1993) definition helps us notice the range in levels of happiness that are possible: “a state of well-being characterized by relative permanence, by dominantly agreeable emotion ranging in value from mere contentment to deep and intense joy in living, and by a natural desire for its continuation.”
Three types of happiness are discussed by Martin Seligman (2002) in Authentic Happiness—“the Pleasant Life, the Good Life, and the Meaningful Life.” Simple pleasures, often physical ones, dominate the Pleasant Life, a concept that is also identified with hedonism. This entails a focus on maximizing pleasures such as money, food, and clothes, while minimizing pain. American consumerism is a glaring exemplar of this strategy for happiness.
Getting what we desire is central to Seligman’s definition for the Good Life. This could be standard hedonism, like a great dessert, but it often goes further, such as a quest for knowledge and career advancement. Building your career may be so important to you that you are willing to endure substantial discomfort and even pain from working the long hours it takes in order to attain your goal.
Making the world a better place for others is central to the Meaningful Life. With this form of happiness we seek to give to others. It is about coming more alive through generosity.
WHY SHOULD WE CARE ABOUT HAPPINESS?
How often do we say we want to be more productive? Increased productivity means more successfully achieving our goals and fulfilling our desires. For some people these achievements are so closely identified with happiness that they become their only meaningful criteria. For others, happiness requires more abstract conditions, such as a healthy environment and inner peace.
The extensive amount of research on happiness has established the links between happiness and several factors, including health, truly rewarding career development, and being a useful and contributing member of an organization, community, and/or family. Your level of happiness affects the development and exercise of all your skills and relies on all the elements of your emotional intelligence.
GROW YOUR HAPPINESS
Would you rather be happy or would you rather be right?
Every day for a month notice whenever it seems like you have to be right in order to be happy. Choose to be happy and forego being right. See what happens.
Seligman (2002, p. 80) cites a traditional saying:
“If you want to be happy . . .
. . . for an hour, take a nap.
. . . for a day, go fishing.
. . . for a month, get married.
. . . for a year, get an inheritance.
. . . for a lifetime, help someone.”
What kind of happiness do you want? What is your purpose? It is interesting how core philosophical questions become so vital to our choosing the most effective strategies in building happiness. Basic strategies to grow happiness include:
- Getting good exercise and releasing endorphins
- Reflecting—either on your own, such as through journal writing, or with a colleague
- Paying attention to your “wanting.” How will you know when you have enough?
- Sharing what you have with others in need
In his book The Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama (1998, pp. 13–14, 20) asserts that “the purpose of life is to seek happiness. . . . [and] happiness can be achieved by training the mind. . . . [H]appiness is determined more by one’s state of mind than by external events.”
To experience the transformational benefits of expanding our happiness, we must pay attention to our self-talk. If we are both intentional about our quality of life and hopeful, the transformational benefits of happiness will have an expansive effect on our entire lives.
As we seek happiness, particularly when we center on the Meaningful Life, we slow down and open to our inherent compassion. This brings about a chain reaction; life unfolds with a natural flow, rather than with all the fits and starts so common to our enormously fast-paced lives. This relaxation of our self-importance helps us to connect being and doing.
With increased happiness you can also experience valuable changes in your physical well-being, being more at ease and more cheerful. Happy people live longer and more fully enjoy the time they are alive.
STAR PERFORMERDame Julia Elizabeth Andrews is a British film and stage actress, singer, and author. She is the recipient of numerous awards, including the Golden Globe, Emmy, Grammy, Screen Actors Guild, and Academy Awards. She is well known for musicals such as My Fair Lady and Camelot, and for appearing in musical films such as Mary Poppins, for which she won the Academy Award for Best Actress, and The Sound of Music, the roles for which she is still best-known. Through her brilliant, smiling performances, she has brought and continues to bring smiles to millions of people around the world, whether she’s flying on a broom in Mary Poppins or singing that the hills are alive in the Sound of Music.
REEL PERFORMERHappythankyoumoreplease is a warm and interesting movie where young adults dare to express their emotions, honestly connect with each other, and mature. It’s based on six New Yorkers juggling love, friendship, and the challenges of merging into adulthood.