EXERCISE 3.3
Emotional Self-Awareness
It Just Bubbles Up
Purpose
To connect with the emotions that drive unproductive behavior.
Thumbnail
35 to 50 minutes
Team members (or individuals) identify situations in which they regret the way they acted. They pinpoint the unproductive behaviors and recall what was going on physiologically at that point in the process.
Outcomes
- Be more in touch with changing emotions
- Build understanding of how emotions drive behaviors
- Recognize cues that emotions have changed
Audience
- Intact team
- Unaffiliated group
- Individual working with a coach
Facilitator Competencies 
Easy to Moderate
Materials
- It Just Bubbles Up Handout
- Flip charts and markers
- Pens
Time Matrix
| Activity | Estimated Time |
| Identify situations, feelings, and responses | 15 minutes |
| Discuss physical reactions | 15 minutes |
| Debrief | 5–20 minutes |
| Total | 35 to 50 minutes |
Instructions
1. Distribute handouts and pens to the participants.
2. Ask the team members (or individuals) to recall a significant situation (as recent as possible) in which they regret acting the way they did. Then ask them to write a brief description of what they regret specifically.
3. Ask them to write down in Steps 2 and 3 of the handout how they felt in the above situation, such as fearful, anxious, defensive, happy, embarrassed, and why they felt that way—for example, because they felt publicly insulted. Handout Steps 2 and 3 complete this model:
“I felt ________________________ because _______________________.”
For example, “I felt foolish because no one volunteered when I asked.”
4. In Steps 4 and 5 of the handout, have them write how they responded to those feelings.
5. Ask them to write about how they would have felt if it had gone perfectly, in accordance with Step 6 of the handout.
6. Have your participants look back and do their best to assess how others around them were feeling at the time. Did others know how they were feeling? What evidence did participants rely on to come to their conclusions? Upon reflection, do they feel they assessed the situation correctly? Did they do sufficient reality testing? Record their answers on a flip chart.
7. Ask them to evaluate their decision making from as objective a point of view as possible and record their thoughts on a flip chart. Did they feel as if they were under pressure? Could they have supplemented their emotional self-awareness with better impulse control in this situation? How?
8. Debrief the participants. Have them discuss what they are most often paying attention to instead of the sensory cues from their bodies. Write their answers on a flip chart. Most of the time at work we are preoccupied with intellectual, symbolic, verbal issues. Increasing our sensitivity to our body’s internal states requires that we “shift brains,” slow down, and pay conscious attention to the sensory input we generally tend to process subconsciously. Ask whether anyone wants to share his or her insights with the group, but don’t push anyone to share.
1. Have you recently been in a situation in which you wished you had not acted or responded in a particular way? Describe the situation.
2. What were you feeling in the above situation?
____ Fearful
____ Defensive
____ Anxious
____ Happy
____ Embarrassed in a positive way—for instance, someone paid you a compliment and you were glad he or she did and felt it was appropriately done
____ Embarrassed in a negative way—for example, you were publicly insulted
____ Other
3. Why did you feel that way?
4. How did you respond to those feelings listed in Step 2?
____ Withdrew completely from the situation
____ Stayed in the situation but tried to steer the interaction in a different direction
____ Stayed in the situation and pretended you were in agreement
____ Became verbally or physically abusive
____ Disparaged the other person or people
____ Tried to out-talk the other person or people
____ Other
5. How was your body responding while you were feeling in the way you indicated
____ Folded arms
____ Clenched jaw
____ Sweat—lip, brow, under arms, scalp, palms
____ Twitching
____ Tapping foot
____ Drumming fingers
____ Stomach clenched
____ Other
6. Identify how you will act differently in the future when you notice the reactions from Step 4 or your physical cues from Step 5.