EXERCISE 5.3
Assertiveness
Dial It Back
Purpose
Help aggressive people move from aggressive behavior to assertiveness. This requires them to reduce the size of their normal comfort zone by restraining aggressive behaviors.
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50 to 80 minutes and follow-up assignment
A coach works with a client to identify areas in which the individual needs to be assertive rather than aggressive. They select one specific situation in which to practice dialing back the aggressiveness. To practice the skill, they then role play until the client feels more comfortable. The follow-on assignment is for the client to practice being assertive rather than aggressive in two real-life situations and then to discuss them with the coach.
Outcomes
- Increased awareness of the value of being assertive rather than aggressive
- Learning to be more aware of the intensity of aggressive behavior and dial it back so it can be expressed through appropriate assertive behavior
Audience
Individual working with a coach
Facilitator Competencies 
Advanced
Materials
- Dial It Back Handout
- Paper and pen
Time Matrix
| Activity | Estimated Time—Individual |
| Discuss assertiveness | 10–15 minutes |
| Select areas and list barriers and possible remedies | 15–30 minutes |
| Role play | 15–20 minutes |
| Debriefing | 10–15 minutes |
| Total | 50 to 80 minutes |
Instructions
1. Discuss the concept of assertiveness. Zero in on situations in which the client is behaving aggressively and wants to dial it back to an appropriate level of assertiveness.
2. Give a copy of the Dial It Back Handout to your client and go through all of the steps.
3. With your help, ask the client to reenact one of the situations listed in Step 1 and role play being assertive instead of aggressive.
4. Calibrate the tipping point between being assertive and being aggressive and help your client move back and forth between assertiveness and aggressiveness until the client sees he or she can choose to behave assertively whenever he or she wants. The calibration is set by helping your client become aware of factors such as the different responses he or she receives when assertive rather than aggressive behavior is used.
5. Discuss how the client felt during the role play and which specific behaviors he or she had to change in order to accomplish the shift.
6. Give the client the following assignment: Over the next two weeks the client should commit to being more assertive rather than aggressive and practicing his or her new skills in two real-life situations.
7. Set a time for a follow-up meeting during which you and your client can discuss the results of the assignment.
1. In which specific situations in your personal or professional life have you been too aggressive? It might be helpful to think of times you regretted being overly forceful or times when people were obviously intimidated by you.
2. What do you do when you are being too aggressive? Do you raise your voice, use a condescending tone, or look angry and hostile?
3. How would you explain your aggressive behavior? Have you been angry? Do you want to win at all costs?
4. Explain what the barriers are to being assertive rather than aggressive. Do you lack the skills to effectively express what you were thinking or feeling? Are you afraid of appearing to be weak?
5. Describe how these barriers can be overcome. Do you need to enhance your communication skills, calm down, or practice being more assertive and less aggressive in a safe environment?