EXERCISE 5.4

Assertiveness

Getting Your Point Across

Purpose

To practice different ways of communicating disagreement so that others will understand what you want, what you do not want, and why.

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35 to 40 minutes

In pairs, practice different styles for communicating disagreement. Then take time to understand which strategies are effective and why. In one-on-one coaching, the coach is the other person in the pair.

Outcomes

Audience

Facilitator Competencies image

Easy

Materials

Time Matrix

Activity Estimated Time
In pairs, practice different ways of disagreeing, taking time to reflect on the differences 15 minutes
As a group, discuss the learnings and apply to real-life situations 10–15 minutes
Individually write about a couple of challenges that require assertiveness and apply what was learned 10 minutes
Total Time 35 to 40 minutes

Instructions

1. Distribute the Getting Your Point Across Handout and review the “In Pairs” instructions.

2. Ask the group to form pairs and to complete the “In Pairs” section of the handout. Tell the pairs they will have approximately fifteen minutes to complete the role plays and pair discussions. Emphasize the need to follow the language patterns given in the models carefully.

3. After fifteen minutes, reconvene the entire group and discuss the questions in the Group Debriefing section of the handout.

4. After ten to fifteen minutes, conclude the group discussion and ask the participants to individually complete the Individual Activity section of the handout.

GETTING YOUR POINT ACROSS HANDOUT image

In Pairs

Exercise 1

Working in pairs, make direct eye contact with the other person. While Person A speaks, Person B will listen, then reverse roles. In each of these scenarios, the one speaking should talk about a matter on which he or she has an opinion and state that opinion in no uncertain terms. For example: “When it comes to cutting back eligibility for overtime, the union is going to go ballistic!” Be conscious of how you are using your posture (body language) to convey this message. If you are congruent, your muscles will be more tense, your posture more angular and stiff, and your gestures will be more emphatic.

After Person A has spoken, Person B will reply by folding his or her arms across his or her chest, using a similarly confrontational tonality, and saying, “No, I disagree with you; that is not how I see this.” Person B’s body language will tend to mirror Person A’s.

Notice how you feel, both when saying and receiving these messages. Record your observations; then switch roles and repeat. When you have each been in both roles, discuss the experience with your partner.

Exercise 2

Repeat Exercise 1, only this time Person B will stand in a comfortably relaxed posture, hands at sides, and briefly restate to the best of his or her ability what the other person has said. Then when you express your disagreement, begin with the word “and.” For example, “I know you think the cut in overtime is unfair to the people who make the least money, AND I really disagree about that [instead of “with you”]; I’m sure there is another way for us to look at this.”

Notice how you feel, both saying and receiving these messages. Record your observations; switch roles, and when you have both been in each position, discuss the experience with your partners.

Group Debriefing

Discuss how it felt to confront the other person.

Individual Activity

Write about the experience and list two situations in which you will practice your new skills. Who are the specific individuals you will be disagreeing with? Describe how you anticipate they will respond, and then describe how you will respond to their response.