EXERCISE 8.2

Empathy

Connect Feeling with Meaning

Purpose

To build empathy skills by recognizing the importance of listening and responding to what is actually being said.

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35 to 40 minutes

The participants will work in pairs to practice and gain understanding of applying empathic skills through a scripted reflective exercise. Individuals work with their coaches.

Outcome

Gain understanding of a specific reflective strategy that can build their connection with others and reduce conflict

Audience

• Intact team
• Unaffiliated group
• Individual working with a coach

Facilitator Competencies

Easy to Moderate

Materials

Prepared flip chart (see instructions, Step 3)

Time Matrix

Activity	Estimated Time
Summarize empathy and describe exercise	5–10 minutes
In pairs, one person at a time talks about an uncomfortable situation—the other person reflects using the model phrases, then reverse roles	10 minutes
Group debriefing	10 minutes
Second step optional: Repeat with pleasant situation	10 minutes
Total	35 to 40 minutes

Instructions

1. Describe the skill of empathy. Emphasize the importance of paying close attention to the other person. Many people think they are good at this, but are not. Such participants are likely to be lax in their efforts.

2. Ask group members to form pairs; the coach pairs up as the other partner when the exercise is used with an individual. In each pair, one person will tell the other about an uncomfortable situation at work in which he or she was involved. The person listening will help him or her explore and validate the experience by reflecting both the emotions the person is feeling and the reasons he or she is feeling them.

3. Instruct the respondent to use the basic “You feel _______________ because _______________” model (which you should display on a flip chart). Respondents can also adapt the model to provide variety and increased accuracy with remarks such as, “Wow, that must have felt _______________. It’s so _______________ when people behave that way.”

4. Explain that the goal of the respondent is to facilitate the speaker’s exploration of the situation by reflecting the feelings he or she experienced and what gave rise to them. The respondent should not attempt to solve the problem for the speaker! All the respondent is doing is providing the speaker with a mirror in which to see his or her behavior so he or she can gauge how to change it if a different result is desired.

5. Tell the pairs to begin.

6. After five minutes tell them to reverse roles.

7. Debrief the exercise with the group using questions such as:

• Which was harder to identify, how the person was feeling or why?
• How did your partner respond when your reflection was highly accurate for both the feeling and the meaning?

8. (Optional) Now repeat the same exercise, using a positive and happy situation (again preferably from the workplace).