EXERCISE 13.3
Flexibility
Yes, No, Maybe So
Purpose
To recognize the value of flexibility in responding to life’s endless challenges. To note how our choices relate to other emotional intelligence skills such as reality testing and stress tolerance.
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40 minutes
Participants discuss what it means to be flexible and recognize that judgment is required for effective application of this skill. They also discuss the rich connection to other emotional intelligence factors in determining the consequences of their flexibility.
Outcomes
- Gain awareness of the value of flexibility and of specific applications in our lives
- Recognize that using flexibility requires judgment; it is not a black-and-white world
Audience
- Intact team
- Unaffiliated group
- Individual working with a coach
Facilitator Competencies 
Easy to Moderate
Materials
- Yes, No, Maybe So Handout
- Flip chart and markers
- Range of Response Continuum (see Step 2 in instructions)
- Pens
Time Matrix
| Activity | Estimated Time |
| Discuss pros and cons of flexibility | 5 minutes |
| Review a range of responses to challenges | 5 minutes |
| Discuss scenarios | 20 minutes |
| Pull together with a list of key points | 10 minutes |
| Total Time | 40 minutes |
Instructions
1. Review the reasons why we tend to be inflexible. Notice that there are many personal differences. Some seem to go with the flow; others want it just so. Each can have strengths at different times. However, we know that our world is dramatically impacted by continuous changes and we can’t fight against too many of them and still survive. Note the need to pull in additional emotional intelligence elements in determining how to respond to many situations. Reality testing is often key: “Is this worth resisting?” Optimism can be critical: “Even though this seems like a setback, we know we can find a good solution. We just don’t know it yet.”
2. In order to gain perspective, instruct the individual you are coaching or your group to consider the following range of responses to opportunities to use their flexibility. (The following range should be on a flip chart to which you can point.)
3. Ask what pros and cons they see to the different responses. Then lead the group in a discussion of how to choose and how to be flexible in degrees. Can they say yes to aspects of a change and help find win/win answers? Record key strategic points they make in the discussion.
4. Distribute the Yes, No, Maybe So Handout and pens and ask participants to read through the scenarios. If you wish, supplement this list with examples of your own choosing or actual examples from participants’ experiences.
5. As a group, discuss a variety of responses, noting the ways to build flexibility. Help them grow to understand the value of flexibility in their lives and to recognize that it’s not about giving up values. Show them that there are times to say “Yes!” and times to say “No!” and times to say, “Maybe, let’s see.”
6. To conclude, have participants list the key points they have discovered. Then have each take a few minutes to think of a recent time in his or her life when he or she would have benefited by being more flexible.
1. Your assistant has just made a passionate presentation on the value of changing your computers from PCs to Mac’s. It’s the first thing he’s ever really advocated, and he spent a lot of time researching this proposal, although you had no idea he was working on such a plan. Your whole office uses PCs, and you’ve never touched a Mac.
2. Your boss wants you to give up flex hours. She says it’s just too confusing and reduces productivity to not have a five-day work week. Currently you work ten hours a day for four days. This fits your childcare needs perfectly.
3. You manage a section with fifty people and have four direct-report first-tier supervisors. They’re begging you to moderate your highly flexible strategy with the staff. You allow people to set their own hours and trust that they worked those hours if they accomplish their goals.
4. Your colleague keeps a messy office and seems to love it that way. He says he can find things and he loves to have lots going at once. You strongly prefer a neat, orderly office. Your files are put away at the end of the day. (His never are!) You work best on one project at a time. The two of you have started getting on one another’s nerves because you work in close quarters and share data. It’s becoming a stressor for everyone so you have both agreed to discuss your different styles and see whether you can find a way to reduce the tension.
5. Your daughter just took up drums and practices religiously for an hour, starting just when you get home from work and need quiet time.
6. You have been working diligently to get a favorite project done; however, every time you take it to the review committee, they ask for more changes.
7. The City just added a turn light at the intersection near your home. It seems like it takes forever to go through it and get home.
8. Getting through security at the airport takes three times as long as it used to, and you just don’t have that much time.