EXERCISE 15.1

Optimism

Optimistic Self-Talk and Behavior

Purpose

To increase optimism through coordinating self talk with optimistic behaviors.

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40 minutes

What many people do not recognize or acknowledge about optimism is that it is not so much a gift that one is born with as it is an attitudinal commitment that is nurtured and developed. This exercise provides instructions for a practice that will help participants develop a more optimistic attitude and more effective emotional results.

Outcomes

Audience

Facilitator Competencies image

Moderate

Materials

Time Matrix

Activity Estimated Time
Discuss points from first part of handout 10 minutes
Review the four steps and discuss 10 minutes
Implement the four steps, with Step 3 being conducted in pairs 10 minutes
Debrief as a whole group 10 minutes
Total Time 40 minutes

Instructions

1. Distribute the Optimistic Self-Talk and Behavior Handout and sticky notes for later use. Read the handout either directly with the participants or ask them to read it and then discuss it as a group. Stop at the point where the four-step practice begins.

2. Ask participants to review the four steps of the optimism practice and carefully consider implementing this strategy and then invite questions.

3. Guide your participants to follow the four-step process. Ask each person to choose two active, positive emotional energies that he or she wants to be able to feel on a regular basis and to write notes as directed in Step 3.

4. Then ask participants to form pairs, choose one of their energies, and take turns fully expressing it as called for in Step 3.

5. Finally, they should write their sticky notes as called for in Step 4.

6. Bring everyone together and debrief their experience, using questions like:

OPTIMISTIC SELF-TALK AND BEHAVIOR HANDOUT image

The collective unconscious of humanity is filled with every kind of thought and attitude imaginable, from murder and mayhem to the most devoted altruism. If we wander out into all that commotion without setting our intentions for the quality of day we want to have, we can find our feelings resonating with the craziest kinds of thoughts and thinking that they’re really ours!

In fact it is pretty difficult to start one’s day without some kind of desire structure informing it. Most people unconsciously go with something from the generic set: “I will succeed by getting important things done.” “I will do better than everyone else.” “I will stay safe.” “I will get what I want.” “I will receive friendly, approving responses from others.”

Here’s the problem. While we are asserting these kinds of thoughts at one level, at another level we are actually seeking to counter our fears that we won’t get important things done, that others may do better than we do, that we won’t be safe, or get what we want, or be accepted. And there are thousands of other people out there whose fears are aligning with ours, and they will scare us plenty if we mistakenly identify with them.

Here’s a way to bypass most of that kind of internal conflict. Start the day with some choices about what kind of person you want to be, not what kind of results you would like but haven’t achieved yet. The second approach entails looking for effects in the world outside of ourselves rather than “being the change we want to see in the world” (to echo a popular observation by Mahatma Gandhi).

But how do we “be” that? First, choose the feelings you want to feel inside yourself, for instance, excited, alert, persistent, strong, flexible, assertive, relaxed, grateful, confident, resourceful, happy, playful, or committed. Believe it or not, we have the internal ability to generate these emotions regardless of what’s going on in the environment. We do it by remembering a specific time when we felt excited or grateful or confident, and so on, in great detail.

While you are remembering, notice your physiology in that situation. What is your posture? How are you standing or sitting? How are you breathing? How focused are your eyes? How does your face look? What are you saying to yourself? These are the keys that unlock your access to the kinds of energy you need to be able to generate intentionally to succeed in the social world.

This exercise is designed to help you feel optimistic that you can generate the kinds of emotional states and energies you need throughout the day, but it is a practice not a realization! It’s not like, “Oh I get it. That’s why emotionally intelligent communication makes teams work together more efficiently.” Rather, it’s like, “Well, I’ve written a good speech here, so now I’m going to present it in front of the mirror and videotape myself at a podium and record my voice on a CD I can listen to it in the car. I’m going to try it in front of a few friends and absorb all the feedback I can. I’ll experiment with different timing and different emphasis until I know I’m going to nail it!”

With this background, now we will work with the four-step process.

Stop reading at this point and wait for further instructions.

Four-Step Practice

Step One

To design your own optimism practice, choose two active, positive emotional energies that you want to be able to feel on a regular basis. Yes, we often need tolerance, patience, forbearance, and so forth, but for this exercise pick something more active and generative (and fun!). Choose the kind of energy that you can intentionally radiate into the environment, like commitment, playfulness, excitement, gratitude, or confidence.

Step Two

Write down several details from two or more specific situations in which you clearly recall experiencing each of these emotional energies. (This will help you remember and re-access them.) Pick whichever emotional energy you want to start with, then vividly replay the first situation in which you felt it, seeing how everything looked, hearing the sounds and/or voices that were present, feeling all the physical sensations and emotions you felt at the time. After you have reabsorbed the energy from this situation, do the same for your second emotional energy.

Step Three

Now BREATHE that energy while you’re moving purposefully—jog in your living room, climb a flight or two of stairs, walk briskly down the sidewalk or through a hallway thinking “Confidence!” while you inhale, perhaps even speaking softly as you exhale. You are imbibing the energy of confidence from the strength of your intention. Visualize yourself standing confidently, speaking confidently. Hear how your voice sounds internally, then speak that way out loud! The extra oxygen will give you more physical energy; the dramatic behavior will definitely get your subconscious mind’s attention—“Hey! What’s going on? This must be really important! S/he must need me—I’d better get in the game and see what’s cooking!” Bringing your subconscious mind online is one of the most powerful support systems you can engage when you need to feel optimistic.

Step Four

Now get three sticky notes and write on them something like this:

I’m Optimistic I can feel more playful and committed from this practice! (Fill in the blanks with the two words that you have chosen.)

Put one sticky note on your bathroom mirror, one on the dashboard of your car (or somewhere you will see it en route to work), and the third in your workspace on the job. The one on the mirror will help you set your intentions for the day early and remind you to start by enjoying the energetic feeling states you want to access. It will also help you revisit those positive feelings just before bed. (This timing helps a great deal in engaging your subconscious mind’s cooperation.) The note on your dashboard will remind you to practice on the way to work and on the way home (where you also want to have these positive emotional energies available!). And the note at work will remind you to energize as many situations as you can with your optimism and positive emotions. Use the Goldilocks approach (not too much, not too little), and you’ll be surprised at how the other people in interaction with you will appreciate your contributions.

Do this for a week and you will definitely increase your ability to access the emotional energies that you have chosen. Do it for two weeks and your positive responses will start to become automatic. Do it for four weeks and you will not only have programmed an automatically resourceful response, you will have developed a new habit of rehearsing positive feelings throughout the day and you will be able to plug in new emotional resources that you want to develop until you master them as well!