EXERCISE 16.3

Happiness/Well-Being

Pay It Forward with Gratitude

Purpose

To recognize that gratitude is contagious, feels good, and expands our resourcefulness.

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50 minutes (can be expanded or contracted)

After discussing the power of gratitude, individuals working with a coach and teams or groups working in pairs review five or more items for which they are grateful. They develop a commitment to pay it forward so when they receive a statement of gratefulness, they reach out to expand the attitude.

Outcomes

Audience

Facilitator Competencies image image

Easy to Moderate

Materials

Time Matrix

Activity Estimated Time
Discuss research on the power of gratitude 10 minutes
In pairs, take turns reviewing five things for which each person is grateful; the other listens attentively 15 minutes
As a whole group, discuss what they have recognized 10 minutes
Group discussion to increase awareness 10 minutes
Develop commitment to pay it forward 5 minutes
Total 50 minutes

Instructions

1. Discuss with the group, or the person you are coaching, that there is now research on the power of gratitude. Refer them to www.authentichappiness.com to take the gratitude questionnaire and learn more about how gratitude works in their lives. (Note: This can also be an assignment before the group or individual comes to this session. If so, have them print out and bring their results.)

2. Say to the group, “Fortunately, the benefits of gratitude are becoming well-recognized. The New York Times Sunday Magazine included Seligman’s ‘Gratitude Visit’ in its annual list of ‘100 Great Ideas.’ The strategy is described as follows:

“You think of a person in your life who has been kind to you but whom you’ve never properly thanked. You write a detailed ‘gratitude letter’ to that person, explaining in concrete terms why you’re grateful. Then you visit that person and read the testimony aloud. According to Seligman, the ritual is powerful. ‘Everyone cries when you do a gratitude visit,’ he says. ‘It’s very moving for both people.’” (Pink, 2004, pp. 2–3)

Ask your participants whether any have done a gratitude visit. Recommend that it can serve them well.

3. For this exercise, have each person pair with someone else and tell him or her five things for which he or she is grateful. If you are coaching, the individual will tell you. The coach/listener should listen attentively and then ask questions. Help the individual become clear about why he or she is grateful. Then switch and the coach/listener will identify about five items for which he or she is grateful and tell the partner, who will help to clarify why the person feels grateful.

4. As a group, or with your client, discuss what you experienced during this process. If you are working with a group, time permitting, ask for people to move and create new pairs and repeat the process. You can repeat this as often as fits your group and the time available.

5. Conclude with everyone discussing how they are feeling having just spent this time on gratitude. Apply this awareness to work. Ask:

6. Take gratitude a step further by building in a pay-it-forward commitment. The gratitude visit, Seligman believes, can be an effective way to “increase the intensity, duration, and frequency of positive memory” (p. 3). We can expand this benefit by returning gratitude every time someone expresses gratitude to us, but only if we truly received his or her gift first.

7. Ask the partners to commit to pay gratitude forward at least twice a day for one week. Then have the pairs agree to commit to a time when they will get together at the end of that week to revisit their commitment and discuss how it is working. Hopefully, they will agree to renew the commitment for another week. Emphasize that change happens only with practice; therefore, the amount of diligence they give this benefit will have a direct impact on their success.

REFERENCE

Pink, D. (2004, January 24). The AHC gratitude visits. New York Times Sunday magazine’s 100 great ideas. Authentic Happiness Coaching Newsletter, 2(1).