Special Situations
WHAT YOU’LL LEARN
❖ Finding relief during pregnancy and after childbirth
❖ The art of baby massage
❖ Recovering from physical illness
❖ Quelling the symptoms of menopause
❖ Aging and the need for touch
❖ Giving yourself a massage
You already know that massage makes you feel great, and humans have known about the healing powers of touch for thousands of years. It makes sense, then, that massage can be used to get us through difficult physical or emotional times. This chapter will highlight some of the real benefits from a couple’s massage during those more trying times in your life. Whether it’s the birth of a new child, becoming menopausal, or recovering from illness, you can use couple’s massage to help you cope with and even conquer what ails you.
Your partner can be your best ally if you are suffering from any of the conditions I am about to discuss. Or you can be the caregiver, using the knowledge gained in this book to help those around you feel better.
Pregnancy is physically and emotionally straining for a pregnant woman. Not only is she carrying around the weight of her developing fetus, but she’s also gaining weight on other parts of her body, and probably feeling drained. Being pregnant is not a sickness; however, it takes a lot of energy to sustain a woman during the nine months of gestation. With all of the hormonal shifting and body changes, it can be a stressful ride for mom-to-be. She needs nurturing fingers on her flesh.
An interesting study by the Touch Research Institute found that fathers who learned to massage and relax their pregnant wives had lower anxiety and improved marital adjustment. [Victoria Latifses, Debra Bendell Estroff, Tiffany Field, Joseph P. Bush, "Fathers massaging and relaxing their pregnant wives lowered anxiety and facilitated marital adjustment," Journal of Bodywork and Movement Therapies 9 (2005): 277–82, doi:http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/j.jbmt.2005.02.004 . Full text available at http://spamovil.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/Fathers-massaging-and-relaxing-their-pregnant-wives-lowered-1.pdf ]
I’ve already told you that couple’s massage can relieve tension, stress, fatigue, and pain—all of which pregnant women usually experience. Many women who are pregnant also suffer from lower back pain from the added weight they’re carrying around. Plus, they experience breast swelling, which often provokes neck, shoulder, and upper backaches.
In addition, massage can help reduce morning sickness and can even help the growing fetus: Toxins get routed through the placenta to the developing fetus, but a good rub-a-dub-dubbing can help to drain the mother’s lymphatic system and reduce the chances of birth defects caused by harmful toxins. Even self-massage is a helpful relief from the aches and strains of pregnancy.
Follow your typical massage routine or the one described in chapters 6 and 7. However, instead of lying facedown, have mom-to-be lie on her side and support her belly with pillows.
Reread chapters 6 and 7 to choose what moves she feels will alleviate some of her distress. Ask her to tell you what she needs, where it hurts, and what feels good. This is no different from any other couple’s massage. Mommy-to-be is going to love you for anything you can do to make her body feel more rested, comforted, less tense, and soothed.
I do not recommend massaging the protruding region of a pregnant woman’s stomach and uterus.
For specific strokes on a pregnant woman, use roll it down the spine, knead it on the shoulders and neck, roll it on the legs, and knead it on the thighs, hips, and buttocks. You can add a scalp massage with roll it on the temples, and for the feet and hands, use roll it and knead it.
Any carrier oil is suitable for pregnancy, and so are rose, geranium, lavender, and chamomile essential oils. Use some or all of these in equal proportions, for a total of 30 drops in 2 tablespoons of carrier oil.
Couple’s massage is also a perfect antidote for those postpartum woes, such as depression, general body pain and exhaustion from just having popped a kiddo out of the body, and those common demons of constipation and hemorrhoids. The bottom line is that she’s going to feel more rested and experience less tension and better energy flow and circulation if you use couple’s massage.
Be sensitive. Don’t dig your fingers into those delicate or very sore body parts. Be careful, too, that if she had a C-section, her obstetrician has approved her receiving a massage.
The word is now out on massage on a baby—the crying and diapered kind, not your girlfriend “the babe.” Recent research shows that babies who are massaged by their moms go into sync with their mothers’ sleep patterns, thanks to the release of the hormone oxytocin. This natural wonder chemical helps to create bonding during breast-feeding and helps to propel the infant into this new sync-up with its mother. That’s enough reason to rub your newborn while you’re catching up on the morning news, isn’t it?
Put your baby down on a soft surface, such as your bed or the crib. Begin massaging the baby’s head and face, so that you can maintain eye contact. Make sure the room is warm enough and minimize noise distractions, just as you’d like to have it if you were getting a massage.
If you decide to oil up your little one, use a carrier oil such as almond oil. Place your fingertips on thumbs on areas too small for your whole hand. Keep all of your strokes slow and smooth, and watch for baby’s response to your touch. Baby will let you know if he likes it or not, by smiling, cooing, writhing, or jumping for joy.
Roll it in circles on the scalp, working over the whole head. Go up and down the arms and legs, rotate those tiny fingers (softly and gently now), and take a gander at using the “Sun and Moon” stroke I described in chapter 7 on that fat little belly. Using roll it up and down the back is always soothing and will make you feel really good, too, by inhaling that wonderful scent that’s oh-so baby!
A little rub-a-dubbing on your infant (clothed or not) may even put him to sleep. Now there’s something every parent needs!
If you’re looking for an additional guide to massaging your baby with specific techniques, my dear friend Dr. Elaine Fogel Schneider is the author of Massaging Your Baby: The Joy of Touch Time.
Chicken soup may help you feel better if you’re sick, but if that’s not your style, think about the benefits of touch. If you or your massage partner have just undergone surgery or are ill and in recovery, touch is essential. Of course, whether your honey just ran a marathon, was in a car accident, just had her bunions removed, or has the flu, she has to be handled with plenty of TLC—emphasis on the care.
How you touch someone who is sick or recovering is going to be determined by what happened to her or his body during that illness, injury, or surgical procedure. However, careful is your watchword, no matter what state he or she is in.
As noted previously, touch can help to improve circulation, oxygenate the blood, and remove those dratted toxins that cause disease later on. Some people even claim that it can reduce swelling and help to break down scar tissue. I don’t think that doing a gentle session of touch on your sweetie will erase any stretch marks, but the key here is to boost circulation and energy flow around the body. If you’re sick or recovering from surgery, even just the knowledge that someone cares enough to take the time to touch you will help you feel better and get better faster.
In recovery from recent surgery, there are some recommended protocols I want to mention. Don’t ever massage over sutures, wounds, or sites of intense pain. Although some experts may tell you that touching the sites of a wound, surgery, or any other invasion of the body is good for you, I recommend that you leave that up to the professionals.
If you are one of the millions of people who suffer from lack of sleep, or even if you’re just dreaming of that trip to Paris but are trembling with fear about the horrors of jet lag, you’re in luck. As noted in chapter 2, massage stimulates the release of hormones that help you catch your Zzzz’s.
Sleep is an important part of the healing process, so using a tender touch on your partner’s body after surgery or a long illness will not only feel good but, by helping him or her sleep, will further contribute to his or her recovery.
If you are a woman over age 50, you’ve probably already reached menopause. If you’re in your early 40s, the biological clock is probably still ticking, but the batteries are running low, meaning that you’re in that period called perimenopause . For you, hot flashes are not nights of unabashed passion, and days of stable moods are a fleeting memory.
Perimenopause —the months or years leading up to the actual onset of menopause, which is technically one year after your last menstrual period.
Many women who are perimenopausal suffer from just as many of the symptoms of body upheaval as those with premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Those symptoms include tension, aching in the groin and lower back, headaches, depression, mood swings, bloating, and breast tenderness. You name it, it’s probably something you can blame on either PMS or perimenopause, wrong or right. And despite all the best intentions of medicine to help you out during these phases (yes, there are hundreds of drugs and over-the-counter remedies now), one of the best ways to feel better is a little couple’s massage.
Combating stress, fatigue, aching muscles, tired bones, a worn-out nervous system, and lack of anything remotely like a desire to be intimate, a couple’s massage is a good way to find some relief.
If 80 million Americans have their way, no one will age in the 21st century. However, even with the billions of dollars spent on anti-aging products and cosmetic improvements, you can’t win this battle in the end. And although you can gracefully age, as many do today, with supplements, exercise, or spa retreats for lifelong rejuvenation, you are going to reach a point where the skin sags and that flesh that used to point straight forward as an arousal cue now points south on your compass. As people age, they might feel tender more often, tire more easily, and walk with a slower step. (If you do maintain a healthy lifestyle with exercise, diet, and a positive mental attitude, things will not deteriorate as quickly as they could.) When you get older, you can really benefit from touch.
Seniors don’t often think they have the right to touch or be touched. They may have lost their spouses or they might live in contained environments where, except for those enlightened few, the idea of an intimate union is all but forbidden.
Some progressive hospitals have started using massage as part of their treatment programs for patients with Alzheimer’s. One study showed that massaging the neck and shoulder areas reduced symptoms such as pacing, irritability, and restlessness.
Seniors need skin-to-skin touch as much as supple-skinned youth. Seniors often have chronic aches and pains, can be creaky and cranky, and go slowly. If you are massaging Granny or Great-Uncle Louie, you will want to go easy, slow down, and be gentle with those sore, tight places. Here are some tips for how to give massage to an elderly person, and how to maximize their comfort while they receive touch pleasure.
❖ You will need to add extra padding to the massage surface, such as a double comforter under the sheet or a foam pad under the bedding.
❖ You can always massage Gramps in a chair, having him sit facing the back and lean on it.
❖ A scalp massage or a rubbing all over the head will bring great relief.
❖ If your older friend is frail, his circulation may be poor. Use roll it up and down the back and especially on the limbs to get that blood flowing. Pay attention to the feet and hands, too.
❖ Older people may be shy about being touched. It’s not necessary to remove clothing, and focusing on the hands, head, and feet may be a lovely way to create comfort, both psychological and physical.
❖ I recommend using the roll-it and knead-it strokes for maximum pleasure on your older massage mate, especially on the back and shoulders, where everyone seems to hold tension, no matter how old.
❖ If you use oils, carrier oils such as evening primrose or sesame are best for older skin types. Sesame is also good for rheumatism and arthritis. Be sure to dilute either of these oils (at around 10 percent) with a lighter carrier oil such as grape seed.
Seniors can also help others and at the same time help themselves: Older folks who hold babies and touch them not only help the babies but also get from the experience a sense of purpose and worth. Integrating couple’s massage will increase your quality of life no matter how old you are!
Here’s a study to prove this theory. In the study, elderly retired volunteers gave massage to infants and were compared with those receiving massage themselves. After the first and last day sessions of giving massages, the elderly retired volunteers had less anxiety and depression and lower stress hormones. Over the three-week period of the study, depression and stress neurotransmitters decreased and lifestyle and health improved. [Tiffany Field, Maria Hernandez-Reif, Olga Quintino, Saul Schanberg, Cynthia Kuhn, Journal of Applied Gerontology 17, no. 2 (1998): 229–39, doi:10.1177/073346489801700210.]
If you don’t have a regular partner or if getting touched by another human being gives you the willies, then self-massage may be your best bet. Touching yourself may seem like an odd idea, especially with all this talk about back-rubs. But let’s face it, your body needs soothing touch as much as anyone’s does. Without a trusted massage buddy around, doing the solo thing can be a wonderful way to relax, feel more alive, promote self-healing, and ease those achy muscles.
Self-massage might sound difficult—so how do you reach around and ooze into those tight shoulders?—but it’s not really that hard. For a sufficient self-massage, allow plenty of time. Be sure to give yourself at least 15 minutes to nurture your whole body, front and back, bottom to top, with your favorite oils.
Follow the pattern I used for partner massage in chapters 6 and 7 as much as possible, starting from the feet to the head, then flip yourself over. Or use these easier-to-do-on-yourself guidelines:
❖ Lie faceup on your back, and focus on your head, scalp, face, and chest first. Use your favorite oils, just as with a partner, to create the mood you want. Of course, I am assuming that you’ve gussied up the place and done all the necessary steps to have an uninterrupted time at it, such as dimmed the lights, turned off your phone, set the temp control, and locked up the kids or pets.
❖ While lying faceup, continue to rub and caress yourself along the front of your torso, on the belly and abdomen. Don’t forget to massage your arms and hands. Spend a good amount of time on those paws, both the palms and tops, to soothe your tension.
❖ Now sit up and pay some attention to your legs, starting at the feet and toes, working your way up. Spend a lot of time on the feet. They are probably your most overworked body part.
❖ Stand up and stretch your arms around yourself. Touch and caress what you can of your back. Draw oils or lotions around your ribs and smoosh some on your lower back where you can reach. If you bend down, you can massage your buttocks and the backs of the legs. (Right about now you’ll be wishing you had practiced your stretches in yoga class a little more.)
A tennis or golf ball can be a self-massager’s best friend. Lie on the ball (or balls) wherever you feel tension, strain, or stress. I guarantee that you’ll feel more relaxed, calm, nurtured, and soothed after rolling around on a tennis ball for a while.
YOUR TOUCH NOTES
❖ Aches and pains associated with pregnancy can be alleviated using massage.
❖ A gentle massage can help you recover from illness and surgery.
❖ Menopausal symptoms may benefit from touch.
❖ As you age, don’t stop touching.
❖ With a little practice, self-massage can feel great.