August stepped out the door behind Leila and once again had the sensation of finding himself in a different time and place. That dining table at the edge of the terrace—the one that had been set for their family dinner—was where he and Leila had sat together for countless candlelit meals.
Underneath the white globe lights that hung from trellises strewn around the stone patio, they would talk and laugh and sneak kisses when no one else was looking. In the months before he’d left for college, he’d told her that although he might be going off to school, he would never leave her. He’d told her he’d never love anyone else, which happened to be the only promise he’d kept.
When they’d sat out here together, when he’d said those things to her, he’d had no idea his future would change, that the very foundation of his life would be taken away from him, that everything would fall apart.
“Are you ready for this?” Leila had paused to wait for him so they could walk to the table together. Her grandmother and grandfather were already seated, and a server had started to pour the wine. “Because you don’t look ready.” She nudged him lightly in the ribs. “You look serious and…worried.”
August smiled past the ache in his chest. “I’m not worried.” But this whole assignment had already started to feel different from the roles he played back in California. These were people he’d cared about once. These were people he’d spent a fair amount of his life with. These were people who’d cared about him. They had known him more than anyone else ever had. How was he supposed to pretend in front of them?
“Remember, I’ll do most of the talking.” Leila grabbed his hand and prodded him onward, her grip too tight and desperate to be tender. “Follow my lead, and everything will be fine.”
“There you are!” Nonna and Poppa both stood as they approached the table.
“Pleasure to have you back at Valentino Bellas.” Poppa caught August’s hand in a firm shake.
“Glad to be back.” August leaned in to hug Nonna next. “Thank you for having me to dinner. Mom and Toby and Jane couldn’t make it, I’m afraid.”
Nonna waved off the apology. “That’s understandable with this being so last minute.” She settled back into her chair. “We’ll simply have to plan another dinner as soon as it works with everyone’s schedules.”
“That would be nice.” He focused on pulling a chair out for Leila so they wouldn’t see the hesitation in his eyes. His hand grazed his pretend fiancée’s bare shoulder, skimming the edge of the tank top, and he wasn’t sure if it was her familiar citrus scent or being here where they’d shared so many intimate moments that had his equilibrium off.
He remembered how Leila’s eyes sparkled when she’d look across the table into his, over the flickering candlelight. How the light had danced across her face while she’d smiled and held up her hand to admire the simple ring he’d given her as a promise. I’ll wait, she’d told him. I would wait forever to be with you. He’d never forgotten those words, how she’d said them with such conviction.
August sat next to Leila, his eyes on her. How long had she waited for him to come back? He didn’t know, and she might never tell him.
“We found a bottle of sémillon from our first harvest that we’d hidden away.” Nonna raised her glass. “We were saving it for a special occasion.”
“We always knew you’d come back when you were ready.” Poppa held his glass in the air. “And we couldn’t be more thrilled for the two of you. Cheers to a long and happy future together.”
“Cheers.” Leila clinked her glass with her grandparents’ and nudged August again. With the way his thinking stalled out in her presence, she might have to nudge him often over the next few months.
“Yes, cheers.” He completed the ritual, fighting to hold on to his smile. “Thank you both. You have always been so hospitable.”
Nonna set down her glass and shook out her cloth napkin before draping it over her lap. “We love this place, and we couldn’t be happier that the two of you will build a life together here the same way we have.”
Leila looked around, obviously deflecting the statement. “I thought Sam would join us?”
“He texted to tell me he has to make some preparations for harvest.” Poppa shook his head with a grunt. “That boy lives and breathes wine.”
Or, Leila’s brother didn’t want to sit across from August for a full evening. That was a definite possibility. According to Wes, Sam had had it out for him since Leila hadn’t heard from him a few months after the funeral.
“He lives and breathes wine kind of like someone else I know,” Nonna murmured with a good-natured chuckle. “That’s our family curse,” she told August, passing him the bread basket. “All of the Valentinos live and breathe their work. It’s not only a job for us. It’s a passion.”
“Following your passion is really the only way to live.” It seemed like the right thing to say, but he wasn’t speaking from experience. August sipped the delicate white wine, which happened to hold impressive crisp flavors, considering how young their vines were.
“I’m glad you feel that way.” Poppa shared a long, adoring look with Nonna. “Because now that you’re planning to get married, we want to give up our house. For you two. Since we spend so much of the year in Italy anyway—”
“No!” Leila blurted, setting down her glass so abruptly that wine sloshed onto the table. “You don’t need to give up your house. I’m fine in my cottage, and August is staying at the ranch for the next few months.”
Nonna swirled a line of olive oil onto her appetizer plate and dipped in a piece of the fresh homemade bread August had always loved. “That’s silly. We’re not as old-fashioned as you might think. He doesn’t have to stay at the ranch when you’re engaged. You should be together.”
This time, Leila kicked him under the table.
“I do have to stay at the ranch, actually,” he said quickly. “I…um…have to stay at the ranch because…” He snuck a quick, stalling look at Leila. “My mom and Jane need help with—” Damn. What would they need his help with?
“With the barn,” Leila finished. “They’re re-siding it.” She nodded in his direction as though prompting him to agree.
“Right The work on the barn.” He eased out a breath and poured olive oil on his plate before dipping his bread. That was close. He’d best stick to eating and let her do the talking, like they’d agreed.
“Re-siding a barn won’t take more than a few weeks,” Nonna insisted, using a pair of silver tongs to give them each a helping of the restaurant’s hearty Italian salad. It was still the best he’d ever tasted, with the salami and mozzarella and house-made Italian dressing. “Just know the house is yours to have together as soon as you’re ready.”
“Well, we’re not going to get married for a long time.” Leila wasn’t eating much. She simply stirred the lettuce around on her plate. “A really long time. Like a year. That’s what people are doing these days. They’re having yearlong engagements because it takes so much time and effort to plan a wedding.”
“That’s ridiculous.” Poppa dabbed at his mouth with a napkin. “There’s no reason to wait a year when you’ve already waited so long to be together.” He slipped his arm around his wife’s shoulders, and the two of them looked into each other’s eyes, sharing a smile that could only belong to people who had stuck it out for more than fifty years together.
“You don’t want to waste one more minute.” Nonna kissed her husband’s cheek. “If these last several months have taught us anything, it’s that life is too short to wait for what you truly desire.”
August slid his gaze to Leila. A tear rolled down the curve of her cheek, and she stared at her plate as though she didn’t know what to say.
Seeing her sad—at a loss for words—made instinct take over. “You’re right. We don’t want to waste one minute.”
Leila peered at him with wide eyes, but he shot her a reassuring wink. He had this.
“We plan to savor every minute of our long engagement.” He slipped his arm around her but made sure not to bring her in too close. “That’s exactly why we don’t want to rush down the aisle. That’s why we don’t want to move in together right now.” He gave her shoulder a slight squeeze so she’d stop gaping at him like he’d grown another eyeball and smile instead. This was their best chance to buy some space.
“We want to take time to anticipate the wedding, to plan the ceremony and reception in a way that represents us and our journey.” It was a relief to know he was still good with words, even when he was wading through so many reminders of the past. “We want to spend time looking forward to the day we’ll stand in front of everyone and make that commitment. It’s not something we’re going to take lightly.”
Leila blinked a few times before finally bobbing her head in a stuttering nod. “Mmm-hmm,” she murmured. “Exactly.”
“Glad to hear it, son.” Poppa set down his fork. “Because I do have to admit…when Nonnie told me the news, I was more than a little shocked to hear you were suddenly back, after the way you left all those years ago.”
“Poppa…” Leila’s grandmother gave the man another coded look. “Let’s not ruin our evening with talk about the past.”
“No, it’s okay.” August removed his arm from Leila’s shoulders and sat straighter. This conversation had to happen eventually. If Lei wouldn’t let him explain things to her or apologize when they were alone, he would definitely take the opportunity now. “I don’t mind answering for my mistakes.” He held Poppa’s stare but felt no judgment from the man.
“All I want to know is, why didn’t you come back?”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” Leila murmured, slightly breathless. “It’s not important anymore.”
It was important, though. He couldn’t expect to come back here—to sit with these people who’d once been such a big part of his life—and pretend he hadn’t disappeared.
“I’m not trying to be rude.” Leila’s grandfather had always been too soft-spoken to ever sound rude. “I’m sure you two have talked about what happened, but Lei…” The man looked tenderly at his granddaughter. “You were devastated. For years. So I think we have a right to know what happened too.”
Before answering the question, August took his time looking at the woman sitting next to him, his heart cracking in half. He hadn’t meant to devastate her.
Leila stared straight ahead, her cheeks flushed.
“You do have a right to know what happened.” This might be his only chance to explain himself to her—when other people were around. When she couldn’t interrupt him or stop him from telling her what he should’ve told her a long time ago. It wouldn’t change anything now, and it didn’t excuse his abrupt departure from her life, but at least she would know why. “I was in a bad place after my father died.” He spoke more to her than to her grandparents.
“Of course you were.” Nonna reached across the table to pat his hand. “It’s unimaginable what you went through.”
“It was a tough loss,” Poppa agreed. “For all of us. Your father was one hell of a man.”
“He was.” August couldn’t seem to hold his glass steady. He sipped the wine, tempted to change the subject or speak the same meaningless words he’d used before when he’d talked about his grief in those days. I’m fine. I made it through. If those words were true, his hands wouldn’t be shaking so hard now. “He was the person I looked up to the most.” And yet, once August had left for school in California, he’d acted like his parents hadn’t even existed. He’d been too busy partying and studying and enjoying his independence to use the phone much. If only he’d returned his father’s call the night before he’d died. But there’d been a big football game. He’d missed his last chance to tell his father he loved him.
Leila and her grandparents waited patiently for him to continue.
“After I lost him, everything fell apart.” This wasn’t another script he was reading as some phony character. In fact, this might be the most honest he’d been with anyone in years. “I didn’t know who I was anymore. Where I belonged. I only knew I couldn’t come back here. Not without him around. It was selfish, I know that. I regret walking away. But I wasn’t thinking straight.” In those days after the funeral, he’d become someone he didn’t recognize, someone he didn’t even like.
“Then I met Forrest, and he offered me a job. He helped me finish my degree. He gave me a place to belong when I didn’t feel strong enough to create a place for myself.” He stopped there. That was enough. He couldn’t tell them about the depression, about how long it had taken for him to feel some sense of purpose and hope. He couldn’t tell them he feared that if he weren’t careful, he could go back to that place again someday. “I’m sorry. I know that’s not enough, but that’s all I can say.”
Leila still wouldn’t look at him, but Nonna dabbed at the corners of her eyes with the red-and-white checkered napkin. “We understand,” she assured him. “It takes a while to work out the grief when you lose someone you love so suddenly.” The woman’s sad gray eyes seemed to spotlight Leila.
Before coming back, he’d never realized that Lei must have grieved for him, too, for what she’d lost when he disappeared from her life. Helplessness gripped him. There was nothing he could do about the past now. It was too late.
“Okay, since that’s out of the way, we should eat.” Leila briskly dished August a helping of lasagna and then took a much smaller one for herself. “We don’t want Nonna’s lasagna to get cold.”
“Still the best lasagna in the world, even cold.” Poppa took two pieces for himself, seeming to honor his granddaughter’s request to let the earlier line of conversation drop.
“I would agree with that.” August tried to shake off the heaviness of his past transgressions to bring levity back to the table. Leila clearly wasn’t comfortable with his honesty, so he changed the subject, entertaining them all with anecdotes about his early days of learning how to tend the vines.
“You two should go walking in the vineyards before dessert,” Nonna said when their plates were cleaned and the conversation lulled. “Like you used to.”
Memories simmered again, brimming over. Back then, they hadn’t done much walking in the vineyards. There’d been kissing and laughing and talking late into the night. And when they’d gotten older…more. Desire shivered through him. The moments were still vivid, almost like they’d happened last week.
“I don’t know about walking.” Leila started to stack the plates. “I’m pretty tired.”
“Nonsense.” Nonna snatched the plates out of her hands. “You’re savoring every moment, remember? The sun has just set, and the love of your life is here. You two should go enjoy the evening.”
August caught his pretend fiancée’s audible sigh, but Nonna and Poppa apparently missed it.
“Take an hour or so,” her grandmother prodded. “By the time you get back, the tiramisu should be set up perfectly.”
“Sounds great.” August pushed out of his chair and offered his arm to Leila. She glared at him for a few seconds before taking it.
“Have a wonderful time,” Nonna called as they walked away. Luckily, Leila’s grandmother couldn’t see the tight frown on her granddaughter’s face.
They cleared the patio and stepped into the soft grass that grew between the vines. The low-sitting sun softened the sharpness in her eyes.
“That was a great performance at dinner,” she said after a moment.
“It wasn’t a performance. It was true. Every word.” He’d already decided he wouldn’t lie more than was necessary. Maybe his explanation hadn’t been the whole truth, but it was as much of the truth as he could offer her.
Leila stopped walking and faced him. “Why did you come back here?” Anger laced the words.
“I had to,” he said simply. He wasn’t standing here to bring her pain or to stir up the past for either one of them. “Forrest didn’t give me a choice.” This was supposed to have been an assignment like any other his employer had given him. But it wouldn’t be. He already knew that.
The outline of her dark eyes seemed even more distinct in the dusky light. “And if he had given you a choice, you wouldn’t be here?”
“I don’t know.” That was the most honest answer he could give her. He would’ve been tempted to come back if Forrest had offered him the option, but he might not have had the courage. “There’s a lot riding on this assignment for me,” he admitted. “But I want to help you too.” If they could improve operations and profitability, he’d be able to convince Forrest to let Leila manage the place. Maybe it was the guilt driving him. Maybe he was trying to make up for the past. Or maybe his intentions had more to do with the desire she still stirred in him.
Though he wanted to, he didn’t dare move a step closer. “This is what I do, Lei. I fix wineries that are broken. I make them profitable, and I can help you do that here. I know I can.”
He couldn’t guarantee what he did would be enough for Forrest to leave her alone, but he would buy them as much time as he could. “You don’t have to trust me.” He’d never expected to win her trust back. He knew better. She’d been hurt enough by people she’d loved. Not long after they’d started dating, she’d told him how abandoned she felt by her parents, who were so busy traveling the world and doing their own thing that they only bothered to visit her and Sam a few times a year. And then he’d gone and abandoned her too, returning to California right after his dad’s funeral and ignoring her calls and texts for months afterward. Now Leila would never trust him, not when he’d wounded her so deeply.
He looked directly into her eyes. “I want this place to succeed. I want you to succeed. That’s the goal.”
For once, he wasn’t as focused on the bottom line as Forrest was.
Leila regarded him for a few seconds, the low light shining in her eyes. “I’m glad I don’t have to trust you, because I can’t,” she finally said. Then she turned and walked away.
August kept his eyes on her until she disappeared around the corner. He’d never get used to that—watching her walk away from him. He’d never get used to battling the rush of longing he couldn’t act on. If only things were different. If only he could give her a reason to stay.