A lthough I am bleeding, I have no choice but to run and bump the Cheshire again. This time, I close my eyes briefly and try to remember what Jack Diamonds told me about the art of None Fu. He said that only if I believe in the power of nonsense can I acquire it. The world is mad, after all. The only thing that stands up to mad is nonsense. All I have to do is any one of those kung fu ninja moves I see in the movies. It's not the move, he said. It's how much you believe it. It's ridiculous, but I have no choice but to try it. I run and imagine myself jumping in the air and kicking the Cheshire in the stomach.
Here I come with my None Fu powers.
I end up bumping into the Cheshire and falling again. None of what Jack promised me worked. I must be doing something wrong. Suddenly, I wonder why Jack's help doesn't appear to work. I mean, I'd go on a date with him now to save Constance.
"You really think you can try to stop me?" The Cheshire woman seems insulted by my attempt. She bends over me while I am on the floor, Constance choking in her grip. "Can't you see you're not the Real Alice?" she says. "I have to admit, the Pillar had me fooled into believing it was you when you saved Constance in the Great Hall. This is why I invited you here, to see if you're the Real Alice. But you're not. You have none of her strength. The Real Alice is dead!"
The Cheshire keeps bending over me and grinning. I stretch my arm, hoping to find a stone to throw at him. I have succeeded in stalling him, but I have no idea what to do next. My hand comes across that useless umbrella again. I pull it near, knowing that it's not good enough to hit the Cheshire. All I do is point it at him to keep the distance. I do it as if I am holding a gun. Wouldn't it be frabjous if this umbrella turned out to be a sword, like the one the White Queen had?
I accidentally push the umbrella's button, and it springs open, separating me from the Cheshire, who has already stretched back to suck Constance's soul. It all happens so fast, but the umbrella doesn't really block the view. It's rather transparent on my side, in the craziest way. I see coordinates and measurements all over it as if it's a soldier's navigator.
Through the umbrella, I watch the Cheshire open Constance's mouth and start to inhale from it.
Suddenly, I realize there is a small trigger on my side of the umbrella. This little thing turns out to be one nonsensical gun. In a flash, I adjust the target on the Cheshire and pull the trigger.
If I were in my sane mind, I'd contemplate and try to find a meaning to all of this. But this is the mad world I am living in. I watch as a surge of rainbow lightning hits the Cheshire, like an electric current. The old woman falls on her knees. Not dead, but she lets Constance go and meows in pain.
I look at the umbrella in my hand in wonder. This is the silliest, most provocative weapon ever. I mean, it's even better than the Pillar's hookah.
The light gets the activists' attention. Seeing their tribal leader in pain, they let go of the Pillar and turn to me, all claws, all fangs, all mad.
I stand up and take Constance by the hand, running to the door leading down the stairs. The activists block the door and purr at me. I am a weakened human in Catland.
"If the umbrella is a gun, it must do other things too," the Pillar shouts. He is nodding at the cloistered windows while he's whipping at the activists with his hookah. I am not sure it's a good idea, but there is no way out, and the Cheshire will be back on his feet soon. "Go on, Alice. I'll take care of these silly cats," the Pillar says.
I take a deep breath and run with Constance toward the window. No one stops me because there is nowhere for me to go. I stand on the edge and pull Constance up with me.
"What are you going to do, Alice?" Constance asks with horrified eyes, looking down at the massacre. It's too far below.
"You trust me, right?" I squeeze her hand. My other hand is holding the umbrella.
Constance nods and squeezes my hand back. "Are we going to jump?"
"Yes." My heart is racing. There is no other way out.
"You're like Mary Poppins."
"I don't know who that is. I have spent too much time in an asylum," I say. "Now, you are a brave girl, and you will jump with me, right?"
She nods reluctantly.
"It's easy, Constance. All you have to do is believe."
"Believe in what, Alice?"
"Madness." I pull her tighter and jump.