THE PAST: ALICE’S HOUSE IN OXFORD, A DAY BEFORE THE ACCIDENT
T he best thing about the past is that I’m not crippled. I wake up in a bed in a room I now remember well. The room on the second floor of the house where I’ve spent most of my adult life with my foster family.
The sun outside is shining brightly. There are no hints of the possibility of rain or greying skies. It looks like a beautiful day — unfortunately, the day I will kill my classmates.
I take a moment in front of the mirror, admiring my seventeen-year-old look. It boggles my mind how innocent I look. If I were the Bad Alice all this time, why don’t I feel like it in the past? Is it really the fact that the Pillar exposed me to the possibility of becoming a better person in the future? Do I really have a chance to rewrite my evil ways? To change the world?
I dress up for school and descend the stairs.
“Alice, darling,” my mother addresses me, fixing me sandwiches in the kitchen. Either I managed to fool her into thinking I’m innocent, or I really have the power to change. “I fixed you the tuna sandwich you love.”
“Thanks.” I take it and then slowly say, “Mum?”
She kisses me on the cheek. “Please forgive your sisters,” she says. “They’re horrible. One day they will know your worth.”
“Forgive them?”
“For what they did yesterday, locking you in the basement. Don’t you remember?”
“Ah, that.” I wonder if I should confront her with the knowledge that they’re not my sisters, and that she isn’t my mother. But what’s the point, really?
I need to ask practical questions. “Did you see Jack?” She must know him at this point — or doesn’t she know about my relationships at this time?
“What about Jack?” Lorina descends the stairs.
“I wonder where I can find him.”
“Why?” She snatches my sandwich and tucks it into her bag. “Tuna. Yuck!”
“Do you know where he is or not?”
“You better stay away from Jack, Alice.” Edith arrives.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Jack is mine,” Lorina says. “All mine.”
“And you’ve been looming for some time,” Edith says.
I thought we were a couple by now.
“It boggles my mind why you think he’d be interested in you,” Lorina says. “He is mine.”
“Not yet,” Edith reminds her.
“I always get what I want,” Lorina says, chin up.
I don’t have time for this nonsense.
“And what’s with the thinning hair?” Edith points at my withering hair. I guess it haunts me everywhere I travel in time. I think it has something to do with the time I have left alive.
I comb my head with hands. No time to be embarrassed about it. My mother has already disappeared somewhere.
“We shouldn’t lock her in the basement too often,” Lorina says. “It looks like rats are ripping out her hair.”
“Looks better that way,” Edith says. “She looks mad. To the point.”
The sisters giggle.
I need to know where to find Jack, couple, or no couple. Or should I just stay away from him? If we’re not a couple, why would he get on the bus with me later? I’m confused here.
“I know he’s yours,” I tell Lorina. “Can’t you just tell me where I can find him? I need to return a pen I borrowed.”
“A pen? Such a lame excuse.”
Why can’t I just be the Bad Alice and choke both of them right now?
“Tell you what,” Edith says. “I’m suggesting you forget about school today.”
“Yeah,” Lorina says. “I’m seducing Jack into kissing me today. Better find something else to do.”
“Like what?”
“Like your favorite mad professor at Oxford University.” Edith giggles. Lorina giggles back.
“Mad professor?”
“The one whom you trust over everyone else,” Lorina says. “The one you think understands you.”
“Aren’t you too young for him?” Edith laughs.
“Who are you talking about?”
“Don’t pretend you’re naive.” Lorina waves her hand, dismissing me. “Go to him. Professor Carter Pillar, who believes that Wonderland exists, like you do.”
I am speechless.
“Honestly, it’s a joke,” Edith says to Lorina. “You won’t believe how many young girls attend his free lectures, escaping school. Each one of them believes she is Alice.”
They both laugh and walk away.
In my mind, I think that finding the Pillar isn’t a bad idea. He always has a way out in these situations. I follow them out. Going to Oxford University wouldn’t be a problem.