THE PAST: OXFORD STREETS
“W hat do you mean you don’t want to get on the bus?” Jack pulls me by my hand in the most enthusiastic way. “You’ve always wanted to take that ride. You said your life depended on it.”
“Stop.” I try to wriggle myself out of his embracing arms. “I thought you like Lorina?”
“Your sis?” Jack laughs. “I admit she keeps chasing me. But I only use her when I need her. Like a few minutes ago, I was betting on cards with stupid men and lost the game. She was a good escape with your mummy’s car.”
So that was it?
“Look.” He pulls out a handful of pounds. “I won that off the men.”
“What’s it for?”
“For us, Alice. Who else?” He keeps dragging me along the street.
“Us?”
“The trip, Alice. We’re getting on that bus. I know you’re worried about money, but once we’re there, I’ll take care of you.”
“Jack.” I finally stop. “Slow down, please.”
Jack’s face pales a little. “What is it? You changed your mind?”
“Changed my mind about what?”
“About us?”
Jack is only killing me — if I don’t kill him in a few, that is.
“I thought you realized how much I love you,” he says. “How can I explain this to you?”
“I — ”
“I know. I know. I’m a crook. A thief. I don’t even go to school. But I’ll be a good man, Alice. You can’t just let me go.”
It’s right now where I can stop it all. I just need to tell him I don’t love him. I can tell him to freakin’ walk away from me. Damn it. Why am I not saying it? It’s just a few words. I don’t love you. I don’t want to see you again. Why can’t I?
“Look.” Jack pulls me closer. “Only you know me. Only you.”
“And you don’t know anything about me.”
“I know enough. It’s not like you can turn out to be worse than me.”
“I am worse than you, Jack.”
“Nice one.” He flicks his nose against mine. “Now, don’t be silly. The bus is coming.”
And you’re never getting out of it, Jack, if I’m on it.
“It’s our time, Alice,” Jack insists. “We need to have fun together. A life. We need to get on that bus. Hell, I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t want to get on it.”
“I can’t.” The words slip out of me. “I just can’t.”
Jack gets the message this time. He realizes I’m not being bratty. He can read it in my eyes. “You’re not in love with that old douche, are you?”
“Old douche?”
“That professor. What’s his name?”
I stop myself from laughing. And though I can just tell him that I am, I can’t bring myself to break his heart.
“So, what’s the problem, Alice?” Jack says.
Thinking of an answer, I suddenly notice we’re near the bus station. It’s a few feet away. That’s it. And there, among the giggling girls waiting for the bus, the Reds stand everywhere, disguised as normal people. The Queen’s limousine waits at the curb. And a woman in a Red fur stands on the opposite side. My instinct tells me Black Chess is all around, to make sure I will get on the bus.
“Alice, look at me. Tell me what’s going on.” Jack holds me tighter. “I’d die for you, Alice. Just tell me what’s wrong.”
I’d die for you , Alice . The words cling to my soul. My darker soul, which is suddenly surfacing.
Why not? I find myself thinking.
I’ve been manipulating this stupid boy for so long. Why not? Let him get on the bus. Let him die with the others.
Hail Black Chess.
Now I’m back. The real me. The one you should fear the most.
I pull Jack toward the bus station, imagining a scary rabbit staring back at me from a mirror. “Welcome back, Alice,” the rabbit says.