Outside the Radcliffe Asylum
T he Queen of Hearts enjoyed taking pictures outside the asylum. All kinds of press and news channels focused on her. She even pulled out her phone and began taking selfies for Instagram. Some with the police officers, some with a few passersby, and the majority of herself alone, blowing kisses at the camera.
The Interpol officers were irked by her, but could not speak up. They prayed she wouldn’t stay for the remaining eight hours, because she seemed to be enjoying herself. She’d even begun to Snapchat.
“Was it you who discovered the terrorists’ plan, Your Majesty?” a reporter asked.
“Who else?” she said, chin up. “I can smell a terrorist’s fart a mile away.”
“Excuse me?”
“Me and Interpol have a codename for terrorists,” she joked, pulling a couple of the officers into the frame. She forcefully hugged them as if they were a team. “It’s an insider’s joke. We call them farts. Terrorists deserve it.”
“But why not catch them earlier?” another reporter asked. “Why didn’t we hear anything about it before?”
“I endorse discreet execution. I suggested we wait until they were all gathered, planning for a new terrorist attack. And here we are. We’re about to end terrorism in the world. Right boys?” she addressed the poor officers, bending low to fit into the camera’s frame and match her short height.
The Interpol officers nodded, faking smiles.
“But how come they meet in an asylum?” a reporter inquired. “What about the mental patients inside?”
“They’re all mad!” the Queen raised her voice. “Mad is another codename for terrorists. You’re either sane or a terrorist.”
“This doesn’t make sense, Your Majesty.”
“Does it not?” She leaned forward and whispered to the reporter. “Do you want me to call you mad right now?”
The reporter shrugged and backed away.
One last reporter stepped up and asked, “So what’s the plan? Are you really giving the terrorists eight hours? Why not barge in and kill them right away?”
The Queen’s eyes glazed upward. The idea seemed brilliant. “I think you’re right,” she said, then turned to the Interpol officers. “I think we should just break in and shoot them all dead. In fact, this is an order! Just bring me that Alice girl alive. I have a surprise called Jack for her.”