Past: Wonderland
F abiola’s journey from darkness to light was a messy one. Day after day, she came to wake up and understand. Every day she woke up and looked at the pictures Lewis had given her. The face of the girl called Constance still talked back to her, though it faded away slowly. It’s seemed like the magic Lewis used didn’t last so long. Why would it? Fabiola had seen the light and needed to act.
Each day, she would stare at the Pillar and see the real him. Behind the facade of happiness and fun existed an evil soul. How did she miss that?
Of course, she hadn’t been that alert all of the time. The mushrooms effect on her made her love him occasionally. The whole situation felt like trying to stop taking a certain drug. One that had run deep into her vein and hurt every organ. She was an addict, wanting to stop, but couldn’t.
There was also the matter of not showing the Pillar what she had learned, or who knew what he’d do to her. She began talking to people behind the bushes of the forest. She began communicating. Hearing stories. Horrible stories about the Pillar. The real Pillar. One day she met a young boy who’d been addicted to the Pillar’s mushrooms, and now that he’d spent all his family’s money, he had no way to pay him. The Pillar was cruel enough never to give him his fix. Instead, he would ask him to do terrible things for him as payment.
Then the White Queen figured out a way to leave the forest. She made up stories about wanting to buy dresses she liked from merchants in the heart of Wonderland. She’d earlier made up a story about visiting her sister, but she’d dearly suspected her sister had a hand in this conspiracy. She knew how the poor Queen of Hearts hated her.
Reluctantly, the Pillar allowed her to leave, for a few hours max. Not much time to ask for help. Not enough time to reach out to Lewis.
Another idea had crossed her mind: to reach out to the Hatter, but she was worried the Pillar and the Queen would hurt him if they knew about their meeting. She had no accurate recollections of her love for the Hatter in the past, but there was this tinge she could feel in her heart whenever she thought about him now.
Fabiola’s only solution was the words. In the scant time she had to herself away from the Pillar, she reached out to the Duchess. That ugly looking woman, living alone in the woods that were nearest to the forest. She had only met her once or twice before. In Fabiola’s mind, she thought the Duchess would sympathize with her, especially since she’d been a neglected individual in Wonderland.
“How can I help?” asked the Duchess, pouring some tea for her. Fabiola had entered a few minutes ago, and the lonely woman had welcomed her.
“I am embarrassed to ask,” Fabiola said. “It’s about the Pillar.”
The Duchess twitched. Apparently, she didn’t want to have anything to do with the Pillar. Fabiola could see how people feared him now.
“And the mushrooms,” Fabiola said.
For an hour, she told her what happened. The story from beginning to end. Fabiola was surprised by the Duchess’ lack of surprise.
“We’ve all known,” the Duchess said. “Though we weren’t sure about the mushroom that made you fall in love with him.”
“It’s hard to imagine that love can be induced by a drug,” Fabiola said.
“Love is a drug, darling,” the Duchess replied in her gruff voice. Fabiola noticed that she smoked all the time. The woman smoked her lonely life away. “But I can help you.”
“How so?”
“Magic.”
“What?”
“Dark magic, to be precise,” the Duchess said. “Let's face it. The Pillar owns you as a slave now. Even if you confront him, he will find a certain mushroom that will serve his purpose and stuff it in your guts.”
Fabiola shrugged with despair. “So what about the dark magic?”
“Fight fire with fire,” the Duchess said. “To counter the Pillar’s mushrooms, you will need to use a terrible magic.”
“How terrible?”
“It’s a spell. One that will hurt a lot.”
Fabiola leaned forward. “But will it help me?”
“It will.”
“Will I be free of the Pillar’s mushrooms?” Fabiola asked. “Will I be myself again?”
“Yes. And then you could maybe help out all the other poor Wonderlanders under his spell.”
“You mean the kids he sells drugs to?”
“I mean people like Lewis,” the Duchess said. “Can’t you see he hasn’t been himself lately?”
“I can,” Fabiola considered. “I saw him. The Pillar messed with him and gave him an evil mushroom.”
“You make me laugh, child,” the Duchess said. “There is no such thing as an evil mushroom. Only we are the evil ones.”
The Duchess struck Fabiola as a wise woman. She felt for her. Then she heard baby cries in the back of the house.
“You have a child?” Fabiola asked.
“A baby,” the Duchess said. “Just don’t tell anyone.”
“Why?”
“He is a bastard son,” she said. “I had him with a stranger traveling through Wonderland. A man I only saw once. I fear people would know that I have a baby and ask about his father. Let’s face it, no man would love me with my looks.”
Fabiola patted her. “Don’t worry; I will not tell anyone.”
“Now, are you ready for the dark magic?”
Fabiola hesitated. “How painful is it?”
The Duchess stood up and pulled out a glinting knife. A small one with a sharp, thin blade. “This painful,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“Here is the situation,” the Duchess said. “The Pillar has you under his spell. To unchain yourself you will have to cut yourself.”
“Cut myself?” Fabiola began sweating.
“There is no way around it,” the Duchess said. “Small cuts every day, all over your body. Make them look like tattoos and paint over the cuts, so the Pillar won't suspect you’re using dark magic.”
Fabiola hugged herself gently. She could taste the pain of the blade on her arms already. “But--”
“There is no other way,” the Duchess said. “Fight fire with fire.”
Fabiola took the blade and slowly cut herself in front of the Duchess. The first cut wasn’t the deepest though. It would take her months of pain, cutting through herself to rid herself of the Pillar’s spell. And the cuts would live with her like another layer of skin forever.