Present: The Wonderland War, London
I ’m Alice’s bits and pieces of her long-gone shadow. I’m Alice’s forlorn puppy lover with Cupid’s dagger in her heart. I’m Alice, insane, confused, not looking for happiness as much as wanting the pain to go away.
Holding Constance still, I remember getting on the bus. I remember the time loop. I don’t quite remember the rest yet, but it seems plausible. Mr. Jay is Jack. How did I miss that?
Of course, I missed it because I love him. Because he always tried to save me. Because it doesn’t make any sense.
“Hit the road Jack, and don't you come back,” Malice sings like an annoying demon next to me. “No more, no more, no more.”
Constance kneels in front of me and dries my tears. “It’s going to be alright.”
“Nothing is going to be alright,” I hate myself sobbing. “Why is everything so blurred? Why can’t I simply tell good from bad?”
“Welcome to the real world, darling,” Malice says. “It’s all shades of grey upon shades of mud.”
“It’s going to be okay,” Constance pulls me in her tiny arms and promises me what I doubt she believes herself.
I grip my sword and pat her back then wipe my tears. “Well, I know who I want to kill now.”
Malice claps with hand-shaped vines next to me. “I told you. You’re as evil as I am.”
“I’m not,” I say. “I’m just doing my job.”
“Are you really going to kill Jack?” Constance asks.
“I killed him before, didn’t I?”
She nods in agreement. “Only you didn’t kill him with the Vorpal sword so his soul lived on.”
“I don’t really understand,“ I mutter. “How come he was with me and with the Queen of Hearts. Why did he save me? It all doesn’t make sense.”
“It’s the time loop, darling,” Malice says. “Every time you failed, you came back through the Looking Glass and lived the whole story again, except, every time the characters change.”
I can’t comprehend this and don’t want to.
“So what is in it for you, Malice, if I kill Jack?”
“I told you, I love to see you in pain,” she snickers. “Trust me, Alice, so many of the people around you want you in pain, even your dearest friends, only they will never tell you to your face. I’m your most authentic enemy.”
“But you support Black Chess. How would you benefit from killing the Jabberwocky?”
Malice descends and whispers in my ear, “Because you will fail. Jack is like the Pillar, they all played you, girl. You have an issue with men, darling.”
Her words cut through.
I stand up, gripping my sword harder. “I assume you know where Jack is?”
“I do, darling,” she muses. “He is talking to Spades, but he is nearby.”
“Who is Spades?”
“His version of Malice,” Constance explains.
“How do you know that?”
Constance looks confused. She stares into nowhere then says, “I’m not sure Alice. I just know.”
“I spilled things into her head when I kidnapped her,” Malice says. “Now follow me to kill Spades.”
“But if Jack is two people as well, who is the Jabberwocky?”
“Both, darling,” Malice says.
Constance says, “You have to hurry though, Alice. If Spades kills Diamonds, you’re facing the darker him, and it will be harder to kill him.”
I follow Malice, Constance beside me, not sure if I can kill Jack.