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As the snow fell around her, Ziggy wondered what she would do with her time now that Lana was officially gone. It had been a couple of months since their fight, and she hadn't heard a word from the other woman. In fact, she wasn't even sure if she was still going to the same college. When she had gotten back from class the day after their argument, the other side of the dorm room was completely empty. There was no trace of Lana's belongings to be found, and it looked as if someone had actually cleaned the area.
Ziggy had thought about calling Lana after finding out that she had left, but the tension of their argument had stayed with her. She couldn't shake the feelings that she had when she had seen Lana dancing with Libby, and some part of her felt that it was better for her to move on than subject herself to possible distrust issues by continuing the relationship.
Ziggy tried to keep herself busy. She took on more hours at work, and she even kept her weekend outings with Sam and Gracie, but every time that she got back to the dorms, she couldn't get over how empty her room felt with Lana. Sometimes, Ziggy lay in bed replaying the conversation of that night, wondering if she had been too forceful regarding Lana and Libby's friendship, but she knew after a while that Lana would never be back. She had probably gone back to the perfect life that she had living with her parents.
"Zigs, it's getting cold out there, are you going to come in?" Alicia called from the balcony door.
"In a minute," Ziggy replied, taking a deep breath and attempting to clear her mind before she went back in for dinner. It had been a while since she had seen her cousin and Carter, and she had been looking forward to spending time with them since she had gotten the dinner invitation at the beginning of the week, but her feelings of remorse were hard to overcome as she stared out onto the snow-covered landscape before her. It was going to be Christmas soon, and as happy as she was to be with her family, part of her couldn't help but wonder what Lana was doing.
"Hey, there," Carter said, as she walked through the door, taking her boots off and setting them on the rug.
"Hey, Carter," Ziggy said, attempting a smile. "How have you been?"
"I've been good," Carter said, taking a seat on the couch. “How have you been?”
“Good,” Ziggy said. “I got another job as an event singer. It’s a side gig, but I’m hoping that it will help me make enough money to get my own place and move out of the dorms.”
“That’s good,” Carter replied. "How have you liked college anyway?"
"It's school," Ziggy responded nonchalantly.
"Come on, Zigs," Carter beamed. "I remember college. The parties. The ladies. I know that you haven't just been sitting up in your room studying. Have you met any friends? Any special ladies?"
Ziggy lowered her eyes, not sure what to say. Of course she had met a special lady, and she had lost that special lady almost as soon as they had gotten together. How could she explain that?
"You have met a lady," Carter said, his voice softer now and a look of concern on his face. "I know that look. I've been there. What happened, Zigs?"
"And furthermore, why didn't you call me?" Alicia said, eavesdropping.
"I don't know," Ziggy responded, not sure where to start. "I didn't go to college to meet someone. It just happened, and then, I got jealous, and she left."
"You're going to have to explain better than that, Zigs," Alicia said, sitting down next to her.
Ziggy looked at her cousin, the one person that had been there through everything that she had endured, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and as she sat there with Alicia, she felt her emotions overcome her and began to tell her everything.
***
"YOU KNOW, I CAN UNDERSTAND why she was angry with you," Alicia said, taking in a bite of ravioli. Her cousin chewed for a couple of minutes and then continued. "You did kind of overreact. You don't know what her and Libby's relationship was like before they got together, and you have no idea how they were as a couple. Also, from what you tell me, Lana comes from a whole different background, one where it might not be appropriate to be rude to people that you know in public, even if you don't like them. Maybe, she was just doing what she had to do to save face. After what you told me about her parents, I wouldn't find that too unlikely."
Ziggy mulled over her cousin's statement as she finished her pasta, wondering if she hadn't put the whole situation in perspective before acting rashly. "Maybe, you're right," Ziggy said. "But what can I do about it now? I'm sure that she's back at her parent's house, and they certainly don't want me to be with her daughter. You should have heard the way her mother talked to me. If it were anyone else, I would have given them my two cents."
"Parents are always protective," Alicia said. "I'm learning a little about that right now," she said, patting her pregnant stomach. "I guess since I've been pregnant, the thought that I am going to be responsible for someone else's well-being has really hit home, and it makes me think differently about some things."
"Like what?" Ziggy asked, wondering how the experience could change a person's perspective.
"Like your parents for one," Alicia said. "Now, don't get me wrong. I don't think that they made the right decision by kicking you out, but I can understand how learning something so new about their child might make it so that they didn't know how to handle the situation. I mean, neither of them has come out, and they are both so conservative about things. Maybe, they aren't as educated about the lesbian lifestyle as we are. We grew up in a completely different generation than they did, and in their day, being gay was a stigma. Maybe, if they knew more about it and took the time to understand how you feel and accept how you are, they would realize that they had reacted negatively to the situation."
"So you think that I should get over what they did to me?" Ziggy inquired, suddenly angry.
"No, I'm definitely not asking you to forget what happened, but I do think that you should forgive them," Alicia said. "It's just my opinion, and you know that I will support you whether you decide to forgive them or not, but I do know that they really love you. And my mother told me that your mom has been in a depressed mood since you left."
"Then, why hasn't she called me?" Ziggy asked. "She could pick up the phone and reach out."
"I think that she is too embarrassed by the way that she acted," Alicia replied. "No parent that loves their child wants to see them hurt or leave them to fail, and I think that your mom realized what a stupid decision that she made, probably the day that she did it, but after finding out that you were living with me and safe and cared for, she must have decided to let you be. She probably figured that you would never forgive her for kicking you out, so she decided to keep her feelings about the situation to herself."
"Maybe," Ziggy said, emotion coursing through her. It was odd to think of her parents as normal people. When she had been younger, she had thought that they knew everything about the world. She kind of thought that they were invincible, but now, as she sat at the table with Carter and Alicia, who were just a little older than she was, she realized that maybe parents weren't perfect. Maybe, they were just normal human beings, and maybe, they had the same feelings and made the same mistakes as everyone else did. It would explain a lot of things like how her mother and father had reacted to her coming out and how Lana's parents had reacted to them dating. Maybe, she had misjudged the world. Was it possible that everyone was continually learning?
"Excuse me for a moment," Ziggy said to Alicia and Carter.
"Sure," Alicia replied. "I didn't upset you, did I, Zigs?"
"No," Ziggy said, shaking her head. "I just need to make a phone call." Ziggy walked down the hall and into the spare room closing the door and dialed the familiar number.
"Hello," her mother's voice said as the phone picked up.
"Hello, mom," Ziggy replied. "I wanted to talk to you."