“I am sitting here trying to understand how to deal with the loneliness and resentment I feel for giving up my own home and life. I have been sleeping on the floor at my parents’ for the last two years and have given up all but my job to care for them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents to death, but I have been caring for my dad (who has Parkinson’s) for about ten years now. It started out slowly but now is a full-time job.”
—ANONYMOUS, PARKINSON’S CAREGIVER
The above sentiment, shared with me by a fellow Parkinson’s caregiver, is one felt by many caregivers. Whether directed toward Parkinson’s, the situation in general, or your loved one, it’s tough for even the most willing caregivers to fend off resentment all of the time.
Resentment is a very human emotion, so don’t beat yourself up if you feel it toward the person you’re caring for. Almost all caregivers feel this way at one time or another. After all, it’s hard to accept that the life you planned and hoped to have with your loved one isn’t going to come to fruition.
Here are a few tips to help you deal with resentment.
• Remind yourself that, above all, it’s the situation you’re resentful of. It’s rarely the person in your care who’s causing your feelings; what you’re upset about is almost always the disease, the burden of caregiving, and the changes to all your lives. Try not to feel guilty for feeling this way.
• As hard as it may be at first, try to let go of some of the past and future. If you dwell on what might have been, you’ll find resentment creeping in. Instead, focus on being in the present and look for the good things in the life you share with your loved one.
• Find an outlet for resentment so that it doesn’t consume you. Be it exercising, talking with a friend, writing in a journal, or even screaming it out (somewhere private), it is important that you have healthy ways to vent your feelings.
• Don’t let caregiving be the only thing in your life. Make time to do things that make you happy—this will make you a better caregiver in the end.