“Keep a strong body, mind, and soul. Make sure you take time out for yourself—maybe a trip to the gym or a good walk each day—at least 30 minutes. I do this very early in the morning before my husband is out of bed. We keep a positive approach to the situation, because there is always someone out there worse off than us. Make the most of the good days and the bad days won’t seem quite so hard to take.”
—HELEN G., PARKINSON’S CAREGIVER
Life as a caregiver can be so jam-packed, you may wonder how you could ever find extra time for yourself. This is especially true for those of you who are sandwich caregivers, juggling the care of your kids with the care of a parent with Parkinson’s. Here’s a ray of sunshine: caregivers who do find time for themselves end up with more energy and are better at stress management, enabling them to be better caregivers.
Most caregivers like the idea of “me time” but are convinced that they can’t find it. You can! Believe it and bit by bit you will achieve it! Here are some strategies to help you find me time.
Many people use daily, weekly, and monthly planners and calendars to keep track of all their work and family tasks. Choose an organizational system that works best for you, then use it to schedule me time every day.
Even if it’s only 15 minutes, include it in your daily to-do list and commit to making this time for yourself every day. You’ll probably want to schedule this time early in the day so that other tasks don’t bump it off the calendar.
If you are not used to making me time a priority, it may take you some time to get in the habit of doing so. That’s why it’s crucial that you schedule it and stick to it. Many professionals have said that it takes three weeks to build a new habit, so give yourself at least that amount of time to make this change.
Make sure you use your scheduled me time for something you enjoy, not for something like doing laundry or paying bills. Indulge in a nice cup of tea and a brand-new book. If you have a favorite art or craft (for me it’s scrapbooking or oil painting), set up a craft table and have some fun!
In addition to your daily break, schedule a more substantial chunk of time once a week to do something for yourself away from home. This could include a spa day, shopping, or meeting up with friends for a movie.
This is a tough one, I know. Though you may be able to say yes to most of your loved one’s requests, there will be times when you need to say no, especially if they’re asking you to take on a new task that would interfere with your own personal time (which is absolutely necessary for you to protect if you want to be an effective caregiver).
If you have a hard time saying no to your loved one’s request, there are a couple strategies you can try. First, you can delay your answer. For example, you could say, “I’m not sure; let me get back to you.” By answering this way, you give yourself time to think about whether the request is something you can or are willing to do. You will have to practice saying no and expressing regrets if you haven’t done this much before. Don’t worry. The more you do it, the easier it gets.
Another way to answer a request to which you want to say no, whether it be to your care receiver or anyone else, is by saying something like “I wish I could help but it will have to be another time,” or “I’d love to help, but I just have too much going on right now.”
Having a space in your home that is just for you can be a great way to get away while still being near your loved one if you need to be. This personal retreat area can be something as simple as a comfy chair in a corner or a window nook. Or, if you have space, you can create a woman/man cave in a spare room or the garage.
Wherever you choose to create this personal space, make sure it’s somewhere you can relax and be on your own (you may have to ask family members to respect your privacy when you’re there). Decorate it with your favorite pictures and meaningful mementos, and stock it with anything you want to have nearby for your getaway (books, crafts, music, etc.).
To ensure you have the best chance of taking me time throughout your caregiving journey, minimize the time you spend on tasks that don’t need your involvement. To do this, you will need to delegate or share responsibilities. For example, is there anyone in your household who could make dinner once a week? Could they do housecleaning or yard work? If you have kids, find things they may be able to help with. Consider making a chore schedule, with everyone in the household taking a shift.
As a caregiver, you may tend to help your loved one more than they need. Remember to let your loved one do the things they can still do for themselves. If they can still fold laundry or clean a sink (even if they don’t perform the task as perfectly as you’d like), let them. This will help them feel useful and also free up your time.
One way to make time for yourself is to be more efficient. Spend a day analyzing how you do your routine tasks to see if you can save time. For example, schedule medical appointments first thing in the morning or right after lunch to avoid long waiting room times. Instead of going into your bank to pay bills, do your banking online. Run your errands when traffic is lightest and crowds are thinnest.
Another way to be more efficient is to multitask. For example, use Bluetooth in your car to make phone calls while driving to appointments or running errands. To catch up on your favorite prerecorded shows, watch them while you’re getting your workout done on the treadmill.
If you can afford a laptop, iPad, or e-reader of some kind, these can be great investments for maximizing your time. You can use them while waiting for appointments, on the bus, or in between errands. These devices can be used to catch up on any work you have to do, or if you’re in need of some me time, you can download your favorite books onto them instead of having to go to the library or bookstore.
Here’s a fairly easy way to make time for yourself: unplug for a bit. Almost all of us use electronic devices of some kind throughout the day, whether they are our phones, computers, or TVs. The question is, how much of that time is wisely spent? In other words, do you spend hours surfing the Internet aimlessly or reading and posting on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram? Admittedly, it’s nice to have electronics when you want to multitask (see above), but they can become dangerous time suckers if you aren’t careful.
Start paying attention to how much time you spend plugged in every day. Consider taking a break from your devices, even if it’s for only 20 minutes a day. See how it feels to be free of all electronics. You may find it easier to focus on your interactions with others and connect more deeply with them. You may also discover that you have a lot more free time for me time in a day than you initially thought.
If you can afford to buy services to help make your life less burdened, busy, or chaotic, do it. This is one thing I’ve never heard someone say they regret. There are so many services available that can save you time and energy: housecleaning, grocery delivery, meal delivery, and yard work are just a few. And there are also the professional caregiving services, adult day care, and elder companion services discussed in chapter 40.
If you’re not sure whether you want to spend the extra money on these kinds of services, consider how much of your valuable time will be saved by hiring someone to do these things.
To save money, consider paying a young relative or neighborhood kid to do yard work for you. You may be able to find help through local churches, Boy and Girl Scout troops, and schools as well.
If you have no extra money left at the end of each month, consider asking relatives who have offered help but who can’t because they don’t live nearby. Helping out financially could be an alternative way for them to reduce your caregiving load.
If and when you choose to buy yourself some time, do yourself a favor and spend that time on you. Though you may be tempted to run errands, aim to do something meaningful as well. Choose an activity that will nourish you so that you can come back to your caregiving tasks refreshed.