Thirteen

Sarah started the car, but she couldn’t drive away. Not yet.

The pastor’s words echoed through her head, and she couldn’t turn them off.

She picked up the bulletin, which she’d scribbled full of notes as the pastor talked, and she read what she’d written.

She wanted to talk to Matt, but he had gotten off work at seven o’clock that morning, if he got off on time. He was going back to work at seven that night, and he needed his sleep. Her next choice would have been Gwen, except she knew Gwen and Lionel were going to Gwen’s mother’s house for lunch.

Therefore, Sarah did the only other thing she could think of. She turned off the car and stomped back into the church. Going against the flow of the people, she made her way all the way to the front, where the pastor was standing talking to someone. When the other person moved away, Sarah stepped forward.

“Excuse me, Pastor? Can I ask you something?”

He smiled. “Certainly.”

“You said this morning that doing good deeds won’t get you into heaven, but you can’t get into heaven without doing good deeds. I don’t get it.”

The pastor wrinkled his brow while he thought for a minute. “Good question. Think of it this way. Do you believe in Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?”

“I. . .” Sarah let her voice trail off. She’d listened to the pastor talk about believing in Jesus for four weeks in a row. She thought back to the things she’d been taught as a child, when her neighbor used to take her and any of the other neighborhood kids who would go to church. She thought of the things Matt had said about Jesus and how Jesus died so that those who believed would have eternal life. This morning, the pastor had read the very same thing right out of the Bible, which was God’s Word.

She believed in God, and she believed that what God said in the Bible was true.

“Yes. I think I do,” she said.

The pastor crossed his arms and smiled. “If you’re not sure, then think of it this way. If you left for work, and halfway there you thought you left an element on when you were cooking. Would you turn around and be late for work to go home and turn it off?”

“Well, no. I probably would have thought I was imagining it and hadn’t left it on, so no, I wouldn’t go back.”

“Then you didn’t really believe you left it on. If you really believed, you would go back, even if it made you late, and your boss docked your pay. It’s the same way when you believe in Jesus as your Lord and Savior. Even bad people do some good deeds, for their own reasons. Are you doing good deeds just because it feels good to do them, or because Jesus wants you to, even if they are hard to do or cost you something? If you do something only because Jesus wants you to, then you really believe.”

Sarah’s head swam. Matt hadn’t explained it like that.

“That’s the difference. If you believe in Jesus and love Him, then you will do the good deeds because He wants you to, regardless of the cost. It’s the motivation that makes the difference to God. He also says that when you see something that needs to be done, if you love Jesus, you do it because He is Lord of your life. Talk is cheap. God wants action to prove your faith, because it’s the faith that opens the doors to Heaven.”

“The Bible says that?”

“Not in exactly those words, but, yes, it says that.” He reached over to a nearby table, picked up a Bible, and paged through it. “Right here in the book of James. See where it is?”

A sinking feeling hit Sarah in the stomach. She did believe, but she’d never thought about having to prove it. Did she really believe enough to want to prove it? “I think I had better do some reading. Do you know where I can go to get a Bible?”

The pastor lost his smile. “I’d give you one, but the Sunday school gave the last one away today. You can get a Bible from the Christian book store a few blocks away.”

Sarah checked her watch. “Great. I’ll go there.”

The pastor smiled again. “You’ll have to wait until tomorrow. They’re closed on Sundays.”

Sarah nodded. “Okay. Then I’ll make a stop on my way home from the university tomorrow. Thanks for your help. I should go now.”

Sarah drove straight home. She found herself pacing. She really wanted to understand but didn’t want to wait a full twenty-four hours before she could start reading. Not only did Matt own a Bible, but his was also filled with all sorts of nicely written notes that would probably help her understand.

She looked at the clock. If Matt had to be at the station for his debriefing at 6:30, he probably woke up at 5:45 or sooner. He would probably loan her his Bible for a day until she could buy her own. If she picked it up before he had to go to work, she could dash home and do a little reading before she had to lie down and have a nap to get herself charged and ready for work at midnight.

Sarah smiled at her own ingenuity. She quickly changed into her pajamas, and set the alarm for 6:00 p.m.

❧

“I’m gone for lunch break, Kristie. Can you watch the front for me?”

“Sure thing.”

Sarah nearly ran to the lunchroom. The first thing she did was dig Matt’s Bible out of her purse and open it up to where she had her bookmark. Once settled, she lifted her sandwich, about to take her first bite, and froze. Matt always prayed before he ate. If he were in public, he closed his eyes for just a second and prayed silently. But when in a private place, he took the time to do it properly.

Sarah laid her sandwich back down on the plate, folded her hands on the table, and closed her eyes.

Dear God. This is my first time doing this, so I hope I’m doing it right. Thanks for this food and thanks for this job and thanks for Matt, who really is a great guy. Amen.

Matt.

With her palm, she pressed the locket to her chest, over her heart. Matt had been utterly shocked when she phoned to ask if she could borrow his Bible. His expression had been priceless when he answered the door. She knew he’d be in a rush to leave for work, so she hadn’t stayed. He’d barely had time to stammer that she could have his Bible as long as she wanted before she ran off with it and drove home.

As she ate her lunch, she read all the parts that the pastor had talked about, some of them two or three times, until she felt she understood them. Unfortunately, she didn’t have time to read any more before her time was up, and she had to return to work.

Upon her return to switch off at the counter with Kristie, Kristie’s gaze flitted to the locket.

Her eyes narrowed as she studied it, then examined the chain. “Did you find your old locket from when you were a kid? That retro look is really in right now, although I personally draw the line at bad jewelry. I guess that locket must be special. Have you got an old picture of your mom and dad in there?”

“It’s not from my mom and dad. It’s from a friend.” The second the words left Sarah’s mouth, she snapped her big mouth shut.

Kristie’s eyes widened. “You mean it’s new? I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to insult your locket, especially if it was a gift. What kind of friend? A boyfriend?”

“I. . .” Sarah let her voice trail off. She didn’t want to say it was from Matt, because when he came into the donut shop, he was on duty. She couldn’t tell Kristie not to say anything around Donnie that she was seeing a cop. If Donnie found out, he’d automatically become defensive, and she didn’t want him to try harder to cover up what he was doing. She was actually hoping he’d get sloppy. Suddenly, an idea came to her. She forced herself to laugh, hoping it didn’t sound fake. “Yes, it’s from my new boyfriend, who obviously has questionable taste in jewelry. But I have to wear it, or I’d hurt his feelings.”

“Is he cute?”

Matt’s handsome smiling face with his beautiful blue eyes flashed through her mind. Sarah sighed. “Yes, he’s cute.”

Kristie reached out in the direction of the locket. “Then bad taste is okay. Can I see his picture?”

In a flash, Sarah covered the locket with her palm to protect it. “I have to get a good picture of him.”

“Oh, he’s shy, huh? That’s okay. Just make sure and point him out to me if he ever comes in here.”

“If I remember. I think it’s time for your lunch break now.”

Kristie had only been gone for fifteen minutes when Matt and another officer came in. She tried to tamp down her smile as they walked up the center aisle toward the counter.

“Good evening, gentlemen. What will it be tonight? I’ll bet this is. . .” Sarah glanced at Matt. As she did so, she raised her hand and touched the locket. He lowered his eyes for a split second only to acknowledge her movement, then quickly resumed direct eye contact. “. . .a bran muffin and mocha cream night for you, Constable Walker. And for Constable Edwards, a cheese scone and a House-Blend Special.”

Both officers smiled, Matt more than Constable Edwards. Imagining his smile earlier in no way compared to the real thing, which almost made her knees weak.

“Sounds good,” they both replied. Sarah quickly prepared their orders and set everything on the counter. She rested her palms on the table and waited for Matt to say something, but all he did was hand her the money. After she counted out his change, he turned around and walked straight to a table.

Sarah’s heart sank. She didn’t expect him to comment that she was wearing the locket, but she had at least expected some conversation out of him. He usually chatted with her a little bit, even before they got to know each other. Today, he’d acted as though he didn’t even know her.

She tried to think of what she’d done wrong. She couldn’t think of anything she’d done to hurt his feelings, but obviously something had happened.

When he left, he didn’t acknowledge her at all. He didn’t even glance in her direction.

As soon as he was out the door, Sarah hurried to his table to see if he’d left her something—a note, his pen, anything. He hadn’t.

She watched to see if he would hang around pretending to check his car while the other officer left. Matt’s car drove off first.

All through the morning rush, all she could think of was Matt and what could be wrong. She couldn’t think of a thing. By the time she left for class, she felt ready to burst into tears, which was totally unreasonable. From the first time she’d seen him away from work, she told herself that establishing a relationship was a bad idea, yet that was exactly what she’d done. She’d tried to fight it, but she felt herself falling for him, and now it was too late.

If she thought something had begun when he kissed her yesterday, judging from his actions today, the quickest relationship in history was over. The knowledge stabbed her heart where she didn’t think she would heal.

Her eyes blurred as she slipped behind the wheel of her car. The engine roared to life as she turned the key. She waited a few seconds, and just as she slid the gearshift into reverse, a note under the windshield wiper caught her attention. She disengaged the shifter, yanked the parking break up, and scrambled outside to get the note.

Phone me when you get home. Short, sweet, and to the point, the note didn’t have to be signed. She instantly recognized the meticulously neat handwriting. Even though whatever had barely started was over, at least now she would know why.

Fortunately, the morning classes demanded all her attention, so she didn’t have to dwell on what would happen when she arrived home.

Once in the kitchen, she dumped her books and her purse in the middle of the table and dialed Matt’s number.

It was obvious from his sleepy voice that she woke him up. She told herself not to feel guilty, because he had asked for her to call—she was only doing what she had been told to do.

“I’m glad you called. I wanted to let you know that I didn’t mean to ignore you this morning.”

Sarah tried to keep her voice from trembling. “Then why did you?”

“I thought it would be best if we don’t give any indication that we’ve ever seen each other out of the donut shop. We can’t do anything to arouse suspicion. As it is, more members are going to be dropping into Donnie’s Donuts at varying times of the day and night. We’re hoping Donnie doesn’t notice. We don’t want to make an issue of anything to do with members stopping in, and that especially includes fraternizing with the staff, more now than ever.”

“Is that what this is? Fraternizing with the staff?”

“You know what I mean, Sarah. I shouldn’t be seen talking to you, so I think it’s a good idea to cut down on the chatter. We don’t want to give anyone ideas.”

“I guess.”

“I’m worried about you. I hope you kept out of the closet today.”

“I didn’t go in the closet.”

“While I’m talking to you, have you had any time to do any reading?”

“Not much.”

He cleared his throat. “I was wondering. Wednesday night I go to a Bible study meeting if I’m not working. Would you like to come with me?”

“I thought you said we shouldn’t be seen fraternizing.”

A pause hung over the line. When he spoke, his voice came out softer and lower than usual. “I meant at Donnie’s or in a public setting. But if you don’t want to go with me, I’ll understand.”

Her heart pounded in her chest. She did want to go to learn more about the Bible. She also wanted to go with Matt.

“As long as I know far enough in advance to get enough sleep for work, yes, I’d like that. Did you say it was Wednesday night?”

“Yes. I’ll pick you up at seven, and I can have you home by nine. Normally I’d ask if you wanted to go grab something for supper first, but I don’t think we should be seen in a restaurant together. You never know who’s watching, or who might recognize either one of us and let word slip back to Donnie. How about if I bring a pizza over to your place? But if you want to sleep, that’s fine too.”

The thought of his sneaking a pizza over so they wouldn’t be seen together didn’t appeal to Sarah. “I don’t like sneaking around like this.”

“I don’t like it either, but we do have to be careful about where we go. I would think the small crowd at the Bible study meeting is safe, but I wouldn’t trust being out in a public setting. You never know who you might see. I’m only being concerned for your safety and the integrity of the case.”

Sarah’s throat tightened. “How long do we have to keep this up?”

Once again, a silence hung on the line. “If we were only targeting locals, it would be a matter of days. But the department wants to go further up the food chain. Getting the evidence for a drug running operation can take years. I know that doesn’t sound encouraging, but that’s the way it goes.”

A sinking feeling washed over her. She wanted to do what was good and right. She wanted to stop some of the drug trade and keep such evils way from the kids and teens and other adults too. But to have to keep up what Matt was suggesting would be grueling. She didn’t want to hide, and she didn’t like pretending not to know Matt when anyone might be watching them.

The good deed she had planned to do was no longer fun, and instead of being exciting, things had become frightening. Even so, she could live with simply keeping an eye on things while she was working, but for the situation to encroach on and limit her personal life was more of a sacrifice than she had planned.

She thought of some of the verses she’d read that day from the second chapter of James.

Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, “Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it?

She wanted to help stop the drug trade, but if she stood back and did nothing, what good was she doing?

Jesus wouldn’t have wanted the children He loved harmed by illegal drugs.

“Yes, you’re right. However long this takes to nail Kincaid and everyone that goes with him, then that’s how long it’s going to take. Pizza sounds good. I just hope I’m not sick of pizza by the time this is all over.”

She could hear the smile in his voice as he replied. “It’s not possible to get sick of pizza.”

Sarah couldn’t help but smile back. “Just like it’s not possible to have too much coffee. I think you’re in trouble, Matt. I’ll see you Wednesday night.”