Leland
“It’s kind of strange to think we were here before, dancing and ready to murder each other,” Gisselle says, swaying in my arms to that Dolly Parton song we heard all those months ago.
Little does Gisselle know that I never wanted to murder her. Quite the opposite. I think she fascinated me from the first moment we met. I even took notes on my phone because I think I hoped that someday I might tell our story. To our little mangos.
Why can’t I stop using the fruit analogy?
Anyway, I’m getting her a warm-up gift first. Hint: it wears a tiny T-shirt and says baaa. No, it’s not the one from the Taronga Zoo, but it looks just like him. He’ll be right at home on our ten acres.
“So, have you thought about what you’d like for the wedding dinner?” she asks.
“Anything but lamb. What did you have in mind?” I ask.
She shrugs. “I was thinking BEER beer, for sentimental value of course, and a nacho bar.”
The BEER beer I understand, though absolutely not. My bride deserves much better. The nacho bar, however… “Nachos for our wedding?” Because we’re getting married at a winery in Oregon where Gisselle’s old flatmate Camila is now working. I haven’t been there, but I hear it’s quite fancy.
“Why not nachos?” Gisselle says. “Feels like the perfect symbol for our relationship—lots of ingredients and a little heat went into making it.”
“Same could be said about a nice soup. Perhaps a spicy casserole.”
“Fine. You win. What would you like to eat? And don’t say something crude like my lady garden.”
I stick out my lower lip. “All right. As much as I’d like that, I think…I would like a meal completely made of green things. Salad, pesto, green Jell-O.”
“Okay… Should I bother asking why?” she says.
Her eyes are green, and the moment I looked into them, I knew I’d spend the rest of my life trying to understand how one woman could make me feel so insane and so in love. “I will let you figure that one out.”
“Merrick, hey, there’s a call for you.” Jed holds up the phone behind the bar.
That’s odd, I didn’t tell anyone I’d be here.
“Who is it?” Gisselle asks.
I shrug and walk over to take it. I reach across the counter and hold the phone to my ear. “Hello?”
“I hope you’re treating her well.”
Fuck. I know this voice. “Kristoff?” I whisper.
“Just wanted to tell Gisselle thank you for emailing the manuscript. She did a great job telling my story.”
“Errr…sure, mate.” We don’t actually know what’s going to happen next. Kristoff expects his story to be published, but we have no desire to immortalize this madman or see him profit from his murders. On the other hand, he has stopped killing people, so there’s that. Don’t want to upset the apple cart. The guy is a ticking time bomb. “We’ll definitely keep you posted on next steps.”
“I thought we could talk at the wedding. Since we’re practically family, I know you want me to be there.”
What the bloody hell? How does he even know we’re getting married? “Sure…uh…yeah. See you there.”
“No cops. No tricks, right?” Kristoff’s voice is riddled with the threat of a painful death if I disobey.
“No. Never. Family first, and all that.” I try to sound casual and calm.
“See you soon, brother.” The call ends, and I can hardly keep my feet underneath me. “Can I get a double, mate?” I tell Jed.
“Sure.”
“Hey, you okay?” Gisselle appears at my side. “Your face is all clammy.”
No. Not okay. A hit man now thinks he’s part of her—our—family and will be attending our wedding.
I paste on a smile. “Couldn’t be better, love. Couldn’t be better.” I hold out my hand and gesture for us to return to our dance. We’ll just be having an uninvited guest to our wedding. Nothing I can’t handle. After all, I’m Leland Merrick. Danger and I are old friends.
THE END?
Want more OHellNo? Then you’d better WINE HARD, BABY (Hint. Hint. Get it? Wine. Winery. A roommate who…okay, never mind.) Head on over to the book page for updates or keep scrolling for a sneak peek at the HOT, HOT cover!
www.mimijean.net/winehard.html
Or just keep reading for instructions on how to score a FREE signed MY PEN IS HUGE bookmark.