Respect and affection for the elderly makes a better person out of a child.
The media – TV serials, films, advertisements – that children see, often portray old people in an extreme light: As either grouchy, nasty, forgetful; or as angelic, beautiful, ever-smiling. Neither of these images treat the elderly as real people. Neither of these images are a reflection of reality at all. At a certain level, this affects the way children and youngsters behave with the elderly.
Today, many parents and grandparents complain that their children, especially after the age of 6 or 7, show no respect or concern for the old people in their family. Even if they are not out-and-out rude, they tend to ignore the elderly, make no special time for them, and show impatience and irritation towards them.
Common complaints from children are: “Ajji lectures too much; Dada keeps repeating herself; Ajoba walks too slowly; Mothi-aai takes too much time over something; Nana snores too loudly; Nani keeps asking me to do chores” and so on and so forth.
The situation calls for a 3-generation understanding of one another. All three sets of people need to let go a little, as well as insist on certain protocols or rituals that simply have to be carried out, if old people are not to be marginalized and cast aside once their ‘use’ in the family is over.
Parents need to keep their criticisms of their own parents to themselves, and avoid having children ‘in’ on old, long-standing quarrels. However, grandparents too need to avoid gossiping or complaining to grandchildren about their parents. This kind of pulling of the child in two directions only serves to confuse kids and to encourage them to ignore what both sets of adults say!
Parents need to insist that children maintain a certain degree of respect and thoughtfulness towards the grandparent, and continue to make time for them. However, sometimes a grandparent too needs to learn to let go a little, and accept that children’s lives are full and busy, and it is in the nature of things that they run far ahead.
Parents need to listen when children complain about a grandparent’s possibly irritating habit – like snoring heavily, or being neglectful of bodily hygiene, or using the bathroom in a messy way, and other such things. There is no point simply telling children to shut up when they voice their irritation or ask searching and potentially embarrassing questions. However, children have to be taught to put up with it to some degree – not because they have no choice, but because these things are a natural part of ageing. This may be difficult for a child to understand and accept, but we need to make that effort.
If we ourselves remember that elders have a special contribution to make to the family, inspite of failing physical or mental health, our children too will value this and learn to accept the other possibly troublesome aspects of an ageing person’s presence.
If we deal with old age and ageing as a life-stage rather than some kind of disease, our children too will learn to deal sensitively, lovingly and with compassion with the old people in their family.