Teach you kids the natural rules, the give and take, of a real conversation.
Recently, some visitors to India from a western country commented, with some amusement and a little annoyance – “Indians are like children; they really have to interrupt you while you’re talking, the minute a thought strikes them.”
Yes indeed, we do. We constantly interrupt each other at family conversations, at parties, even in discussions. Watch any so-called debate on TV, and you’ll see that no one ever lets the other complete his thought or sentence. This is not just a question of ill-manners, it is also a real impediment to good communication. This means we are often not willing to listen or to dialogue. This is a serious put-off in any interaction, and as we go increasingly global, we need to teach our children how not to interrupt. So that they become more attuned to the way people communicate in a group.
This does not mean, of course, that we tell children to simply ‘shut up and sit down’ or ‘be seen and not heard’ while adults are conversing. We need to teach them to ‘wait their turn’ in a conversation, by looking for a natural break or lull before they cut in. Or we can teach them to use other ways to indicate that they would like to say something. For them to be able to accept and practise this, they must be made to feel that they will get their time and chance to add to a conversation or ask a question.
What really doesn’t work at all is a scenario that goes something like this: You’re talking to someone, your child keeps trying to interrupt and say something; you neither reply nor tell him to wait. He increases his volume, maybe even begins to pull at your clothes, or your face. All the while you’re half-listening to the other person, and then finally you yell at the kid: “OK, What is it?” Now you have taught him that interrupting is fine, and his being loud and insistent works even better!
The other scenario that is a no-no too, goes something like this: You’re trying to have a conversation with someone. Your child interrupts. You immediately cut the person who’s talking to you, and attend to the child’s question or comment. Then you go back to your conversation. Again the child interrupts, again you dump the conversation. Now you’ve taught your child that nothing is more important than what she has to say or wants, at all times, and simply cannot wait.
Children, by the age of 5-6, can be gently told that certain things need your immediate attention, while other things can wait. Teach your child to say “Excuse me” or “I want to say something,” or some words or sign to indicate that he has something to say. And once you do ask him to speak, do give him your full attention, and encourage others in the room too to listen and not interrupt or complete his sentence for him.
And as with almost all matters of good parenting, teach by example. Watch your own behaviour, and see how often you interrupt people or barely wait for them to finish what they’re saying, so that you can jump in with what you want to say. Once you’ve checked yourself, you’ll be in a much better position to hold a meaningful conversation…and your kids will learn not to be Interrupting Indians too!