Teach kids to become truly generous, charitable and compassionate.
At a young people’s party at a ritzy venue, the compere announced that 10 per cent of the proceeds of the entrance-ticket collection would be sent to flood relief work. The youngsters merely clapped, and went on partying. Now they did not need to think anymore about the flood victims – it was as if their conscience was clear. They had ‘done their bit’ towards charity. But this is not charity at all, really.
Whenever there is some disaster, coverage on TV of victims, relief work and charity coming in from all around; many children are caught up in the spirit of caring and sharing. This is an ideal time for parents to clarify their own thoughts and feelings about the issue of charity and giving.
While it is admirable and necessary that we respond to disasters, it is equally important that we instill in our kids the need to be charitable, at all times. What does this mean? It means that we need to teach our kids to respond to people’s needs around them, not only to overwhelming disasters and crisis. It means that we teach our kids to, at times, put their own needs and wants aside, and take a good look at the less-privileged around them.
This does not mean that we take away from them the joys of owning toys, books, taking vacations. It does not mean that we make them feel guilty for enjoying what they have. But it does mean that we teach them to take others into account, and to become genuine, generous givers.
Again, generosity and giving does not only mean giving money. It’s important that children understand that charitable acts do not always mean donating money. Volunteering their time or talents is a precious gift that your kids can bestow. It not only helps them become better people, but in the long-run, it changes the community around them. In this kind of giving, a child learns the essential life skill of giving of herself or himself, rather than simply giving what they don’t need or have in surplus.
A mother complained that her 14-year-old son “is too helpful”. He is very bright, she said, so “people waste hours of his time asking him maths and science difficulties. We keep telling him that he should concentrate on his own studies, and tell people to ask the teachers to sort out their problem.”
It seems that too many of us have this kind of ‘scarcity mentality’ – that does not allow us to give freely of ourselves – because we assume that the resources are limited, and we will be depriving ourselves by helping others! So we end up giving away only what we can’t use. That is not charity or generosity. It is simply a way of throwing away things and feeling good about it!
If we do want our kids to be real contributors to society, we need to communicate to our kids that helping others is not a duty; it’s an opportunity: A chance to connect with people and their needs, a chance to be grateful for what you have, and a chance to differentiate between your own need and your greed. Indeed, appropriate charity gives us so many lessons in life itself.
And how do we communicate all this to our kids? The best way to do it, of course, is to set a good example with our own deeds. ‘Caring is caught, not taught.’ Give of yourself, in whatever little way you can, and your children will absorb the essence of your act. It is one of the greatest gifts that you can give them.