The only child does not have to be a lonely child.
The only child is fast becoming the norm for many families. The reasoning behind the decision is usually related to health issues, financial considerations, social-consciousness about overpopulation, time/career pressures, and the urge to give that child undivided attention and the best of available resources. All valid reasoning; and the personal choice or constraint of every couple.
However, the fact remains, that an only child, however loved and well-provided for, is deprived of one of the most important features of his/her emotional landscape: a sibling. Of course, parents compensate for this by involving the child in more activities, planned ‘play-dates’ with other children, etc. And yet, the absence of a brother or sister is a very specific and undeniable void in the social, mental, and emotional development and make-up of a child.
Emotional and social processes that get sorted and figured out quite naturally when there is more than one child in the family are: sharing of parental love and attention, developing patience, dealing with irrationality/unfairness, caring and responsibility, and other such emotional and socializing issues. In that sense, in families that have two or more children, such ‘corners’ are rubbed off during the growing years, consciously as well as unconsciously. This prepares children to deal later with the outside adult world of co-operative living, team work, sharing of resources, relationship building, social skills, etc.
Say ‘only child’ – and people come up with several stereotypical perceptions and images: introvert, spoilt, lonely, etc. But this simply does not have to be true. In fact, so many only children – famous and not-so-famous – have proved all the stereotyped perceptions wrong. They are well-adjusted, caring, responsible, sociable, happy and successful people. Moreover, growing up without immediately available sibling company at all times, they are able to be happy and at ease with themselves when they are alone too. These are people who have had the good fortune of sensitive and well-thought-out parenting.
Of course, it means that parents of an only child have to work that much harder in certain aspects of their child’s growth. What is the singular emotional pitfall of bringing up an only child, and how can you side-step it?
Overfocusing: With all parental resources and energies being poured into one child, he/she often gets an extremely unreal picture of his/her place in the ‘scheme of things’: as being the centre of the universe, so to speak. Many only children grow up thinking of themselves as little emperors and princesses, entitled to unrealistic rights and privileges, not only from their parents, but from the world at large. A child brought up in this atmosphere, sadly, assumes that he/she can control just about everything around them – and adjustment to the realities of the outside world becomes difficult and sometimes traumatic, right from the first day of school.
Parents of an only child would need to, first of all, themselves keep a perspective: your child is part of a teeming universe of other children, humans, plants, creatures and all of nature. Do notice, respect, and enjoy them too – it does not mean that you love and care for your child any less. This kind of awareness in you will foster in your child respect and an appreciation of people and the world outside of himself, helping him to connect better.
The processes of sharing, caring, taking responsibility will then quite naturally fall into place. Your child too will blossom in a more holistic way and develop a happy, all-round personality, secure in the feeling of real abundance rather than scarcity.