“OH, MY BABIES. I missed you so much.” Kate fought back tears as she kissed one of her boys, then the other. Alice and Roger had just left, and she’d had to fight to not gush over her sons while they were still there.
Drew pulled away and rubbed his cheek. “Jeez, do you have to do this every year?”
“Um, yeah!”
“We missed you, too,” Alex said.
“Did you have fun?”
“Yeah, but it was a close one, Mom.” Drew dragged his suitcase away from the door. “But guess who was there? Jaime and Sammie Marsh. The trip turned from boring to rockin’ faster than Link can swing a sword.”
“I’m happy you had a good time. Now take your bag to your room.”
As Drew did as he was told, Kate studied Alex. He’d been uncharacteristically silent, his face holding a secretive smile. “You guys didn’t desert your grandparents, did you?”
Alex appeared startled as if surprised she was even there. “Oh, no, we wouldn’t do that. Grandma, Grandpa, and Jaime’s parents all hung out together. Grandma was actually smiling most of the time.”
That warmed her heart. In the last few years, Alice smiling was a rare sight.
Kate was about to question him further when a loud shriek from Drew made her jump. She froze for a moment then she and Alex ran to her son’s room. Oh, God, he’d only been home thirty minutes and already he was hurt?
“What happened?” she asked, searching for blood or disjointed limbs.
“You cleaned my room.” Drew flopped, face down on his bed with a horrified groan.
Kate breathed a sigh of relief and swatted him on the tush. “And I’d say it’s about time, too.”
“Screw the unpacking.” Alex sat down next to his brother. “Let’s play that game Sammie loaned you.”
Drew shot up and nodded approvingly. “I like the way you think.”
They sat in front of the TV and didn’t even budge when the doorbell rang.
“You gonna get that, Mom?” Drew asked.
“Glad to see you missed me, too,” she mumbled as she headed for the door. Her tummy flipped when she saw Jake standing on her doorstep. He’d always hopped over the fence and entered through the back door whenever he came to her. Apparently, he had taken her request to not tell the kids about them just yet seriously.
“Hi.”
“Hey. Are the boys home yet?”
Kate nodded. “Yes, they’re in Drew’s room.”
“Can I say hello?” The anticipation on his face made her heart melt. If she didn’t know better, she’d swear he missed her boys as much as she did.
“Of course.”
Jake grabbed her hand and led her to Drew’s room before dropping it and rapping his knuckle again their doorjamb. “Knock, knock.”
Drew hopped off the bed. “Coach!”
“Hey, guys.” A high five for both of them. “Welcome home. What are you playing?”
“Travels of Lunthor.” Alex offered a warm, almost secretive smile to Jake.
Huh, what was that about?
“Great game.”
“I wouldn’t know. I just started playing, and I’m already stuck.”
“Maybe Coach can help us?” Drew asked.
Kate rested her head against the doorjamb, a toasty feeling enveloping her as Alex handed Jake the controller. William had never played video games with his sons, insisting they were silly and would eventually be the downfall of mankind.
Jake sat on the bed. “Sure, but I can’t stay long.”
“Aw, why not? You just got here.” Drew plopped down next to him.
“I’m going out tonight.”
Kate shot him a questioning glance. He was going out tonight? Where? With whom? Was it another woman? Surely, he would tell her if he’d met someone else.
She turned on her heel and left the room, stomping all the way to the kitchen. Her stomach churned as she pulled hamburgers and hot dogs from the freezer, fighting the urge to slam them down on the center island. She did not succeed with the hamburgers.
With more force than necessary, she yanked open the sliding door and headed to the grill.
This was stupid. She had no rights to Jake. He was free to see whomever he chose—she’d made that abundantly clear. But that didn’t stop her from jerking up the lid to the barbecue and snapping the pilots on one by one.
Jake stepped through the open door. “Kate? You okay?”
“Yup.” She walked past him and back into the kitchen. Without another word, she took out buns and the condiments they would need, biting her tongue.
His hand landed on hers. “I’m going out with Rob and Logan.”
Kate stared at his fingers lazily draped over her wrist, hating the relief that wrapped itself around her. “It’s really none of my business.”
Jake turned her around and hooked a finger under her chin, lifting her face to look at him. “If that’s true, why did you nearly break the lid off your grill?”
“I-I was just—”
“There is no other woman. You’re the only one I want.”
“Right now, perhaps. One day, that won’t be the case.”
Sadness flickered in his eyes before he blinked it away. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
He was right. Focus on the present, because for them, there was no future. Kate wrapped her arms around his neck and brushed her lips against his.
Jake pulled her closer and deepened the kiss. He ended it by pressing his forehead against hers. “I have to go.”
“Have fun, tonight, okay?”
“I’d have even more fun if I knew I’d be making love to you later.”
Her breath hitched at the thought of his hands on her body. “We’ll see what we can work out.”
With one last kiss to the tip of her nose, Jake left the kitchen and stopped at Drew’s room. “Good night, boys. I want you to find that super shield by tomorrow. You got it?”
“Yes, Coach,” they said in unison.
Alex waited until Dr. Harris left, then jumped up and closed the door. “Drew!”
“Yeah?”
Alex grabbed the controller from his hand and pushed the pause button.
“Hey!” His brother made a grab for the controller. “I wasn’t—”
“Mom kissed Dr. Harris.”
Drew jumped up from the bed. “You’re kidding me.”
“Totally serious. I went to the kitchen to get a drink. Mom and Coach were whispering about something, and then she kissed him. I mean really kissed him.”
Drew kicked the foot of his bed. “After everything we did, they fell in love on their own?”
“It doesn’t mean they’re in love, but it could mean…” Alex let his sentence trail off. No way was he going to elaborate on what it could mean. He’d barf for sure.
“This is so cool. I can’t wait to tell the guys.”
Alex put an urgent hand on Drew’s shoulder. “No, you can’t tell anyone.”
“Why not? This is huge!”
“We should wait for Mom to tell us.” The last thing he wanted to do was blab about seeing them kiss and it turn out to be nothing.
“Okay, fine. But I hope she tells us soon.”
Alex left his brother to haul his suitcase upstairs with a sense of anticipation. Once inside his room, he dropped the suitcase and punched the air. “Yes!”
Never in a million years would Alex have thought life could be this good again. He was with a girl he was crazy about. Drew had made a great friend in Sammie, and it appeared Mom was with Coach.
But even with all this awesome stuff happening, one thing took the top spot.
It’d been weeks since he heard Mom cry.
***
“How is it possible that it keeps getting better?” Jake brushed his lips against Kate’s cheek. “That we keep getting better?”
Kate hugged him closer, the crisp sheets on her bed rumpled from their love play. Since the boys had returned a few days ago, it had become harder to find time alone like this with him. “It comes with practice.”
“Do you want to practice again?”
She let out a snort and sat up. “You gotta feed me first. The boys will be home from their sleepover in a few hours.”
Throwing off the covers, he got up and pulled on his jeans. “And what would the lady like today?”
Kate reached for her robe. “Hmm, how about one of those amazing omelets you make?”
“Meet me downstairs.” After laying a gentle peck on her nose, he headed for the door.
Stretching her arms high above her head, she sighed with contentment. God, she couldn’t remember the last time she felt so good. Maybe her life was finally on a path that would take her from depression to happiness again.
Was it possible she was ready to move on?
With hope surging through her, Kate rose from the bed and hurried over to the dresser.
Her fingers grasped the wood frame facing the wall on her dresser. She picked it up, turned it around, and gazed into William’s eyes.
The joy, so prevalent only seconds before, melted somewhat. Her heart ached as she gazed into eyes she’d never peer into again. The smile that would never make her swoon.
Then grief inched its way into her heart.
Why? Damn it, why?
Because she loved him. Missed him. She’d hoped her time with Jake would help those wounds heal, and it had. Somewhat. They were no longer open and bleeding, but the scars still hurt.
Kate replaced the frame. More time. That was all she needed.
Eventually she would be able to look into William’s eyes and share that she’d moved on. Eventually she wouldn’t get sick at the idea of telling his family.
Someday.
With a deep breath, she headed downstairs. She needed to share her thoughts with Jake. He’d understand, just like he had so many times before.
Kate had just passed the front door when she stopped and felt the blood rush from her head. Her heart pounded in her ears.
William’s sisters were walking up her pathway.
“Oh, God.” She ran to the door before they could ring the bell. “Roxanne, Leigh, is something wrong?”
“For God sakes, you’re not dressed yet?” Leigh’s face contorted in disgust.
“Real nice, Leigh.” Roxanne turned to Kate. “We were heading to that adorable little shop in East Hampton to go shopping for Mom’s birthday when we thought maybe you’d like to go with us.” Her brow furrowed. “Are you feeling okay? You’re not sick, are you?”
“Well, actually—”
“Hey, babe?”
She spun around. Oh, God, Jake. Not now!
“Do you want to have breakfast in bed—” His eyes lifted from the package of bacon he held. He jerked to a stop. “Oh, boy.”
Kate closed her eyes. This can’t be happening. “Jake, would you give me a minute?”
“Sure.” He moved out of sight.
She faced the two women on her doorstep, her chest tight and squeezing. Roxanne looked stunned, while Leigh’s eyes shot daggers.
Roxanne spoke first. “We should’ve called. We were just passing your street and well… we didn’t even think… I’m so sorry.”
“You said he wasn’t your date at the wedding.” Leigh crossed her arms so tightly she was hugging herself.
“He wasn’t.”
“Were you going to tell Mom and Dad you had a boyfriend?”
Kate teetered on the edge of hyperventilating. “Really, he’s not—”
“Don’t you think we have the right to meet the potential stepfather to our nephews?”
“Stepfather?” Was Leigh insane? Oh, God, this was getting way out of hand. Kate couldn’t face a rumor spreading that she was in a serious relationship. Panic overtook her. “It’s just a fling. It’s not like it means anything.”
Once those words left her mouth, she wanted to call them back. Yes, this was a fling, but Jake meant more to her than she’d care to admit.
Although Kate’s words were harsh, Leigh’s stiff posture relaxed. “If that’s the case, we should keep this to ourselves. I don’t think Mom could deal with this right now.”
All Kate could do was nod.
Roxanne took her sister’s arm and led her down the pathway. “We’ll see you at Mom’s birthday.”
Kate leaned her head against the doorjamb and pulled in deep breaths. God, she hated this. Her whole body shook from being forced to voice her fears out loud.
The door creaked, and she jumped as it slammed on its own.
Jake leaned against the wall, his hand on the back of the door. His face was carved from stone. “So this means nothing to you?”
Kate sucked in her breath. “It does! Of course it does.”
“That’s why you didn’t want to tell the boys when they came home.” He straightened up and walked over to her. “I’m nothing but a good piece of ass to you.”
Kate held out a shaky hand. “That isn’t true—”
He backed away. “Save it, Kate. I’m suddenly finding it very easy to resist you.” He jerked the door open and stepped over the threshold, still only wearing his jeans. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”
The door’s slam pierced the quiet.
Numbness set in.
As if in a fog, Kate calmly turned the deadbolt. She went into the kitchen and threw away the meal Jake had started. Just the smell of it made her nauseous. After she cleaned the dishes, she headed upstairs to shower and dress.
Walking into her bedroom, the fog cleared when her eyes settled on Jake’s T-shirt, hastily thrown to the floor last night. She snatched it up and hugged it to her breasts. The smell of his cologne taunted her as memories of the beautiful lovemaking they’d shared invaded her mind.
It was over.
It had to be.
She couldn’t keep sneaking around behind her children’s backs. She couldn’t lead Jake on anymore. He wanted children. His own family. She couldn’t give him that.
As much as they both hated their lists, they couldn’t ignore them forever.
The knowledge that it was over didn’t give her any peace like she thought it would.
She just wished they’d had a little more time together.
Then she felt it. The ache. The struggling for air. The need to scream. The sudden and intense stream of tears.
Never in her life did she think she’d feel this way again.
The pain of losing the man she loved.
***
Jake ran hard and fast on the treadmill, staring straight ahead, not thinking, and refusing to feel. He gasped for air. Sweat poured into his eyes and down his back. Still he ran faster. He forced his body way beyond its limit until a cramp brought him to a halt.
Emergency stopping the treadmill, he leaned against the handrails for a moment before hopping off to walk the cramp out of his upper thigh, willing himself not to think about Kate.
Jake laughed bitterly as he bent over and put his hands on his knees. “You are such an ass. Of course it had to end. Doesn’t everything you love eventually get taken away?”
He’d gone and done it. He’d fucked up royally by allowing anything to grow between them. He should have kept their relationship professional, not letting her or her sons into any personal part of his life.
Because now he was in love with her.
Throwing himself into the nearby chair, he forced himself to focus. Maybe this was just God’s way of telling him he needed to get back on track, sending him in the right direction so He could answer Jake’s prayers.
He needed to act, not sit around and lament over something he never really had in the first place.
Snatching his cell phone from the side table, Jake searched through his contacts until he found the number he desired.
At the soft female greeting, Jake’s voice seized, as if his heart was telling him this wasn’t right. It was too soon. He needed time to heal.
But look where listening to his heart got him. Alone again. Heartbroken. And no closer to the family he wanted.
He forced his voice into action.
“Hey, Donna. It’s Jake. You want to get a drink later?”