Chapter 13

From The Desk of Chester Hunter III

 

When you came back to the infirmary, one of the lights from the hallway was shining over your head, and looking at you, I felt like a lost miner who’d just collided with one of my own guys in the darkness. I was that happy to see you, even though we barely knew each other, El. I had the feeling that you were there to save my life. But then you barely even looked at me when you walked to your bed. And then you just collapsed into it, and I saw your back moving from your heavy breaths.

So I waited five minutes. You can’t imagine how badly I wanted you to move. I decided to try a little telepathy because I was feeling brand new, and as lame as it sounds, I thought that maybe I had brand-new abilities. So I stared at your pinky finger on your pillow and tried to will it to move. It turned out that I didn’t have the patience, though, to actually concentrate and see if I could be telepathically successful. I remember I asked you, “Elodie? How could it be possible that I missed you so much today when I don’t even know you, and that I didn’t want to see my friends, who I should have been missing?”

I didn’t get a response, and Lily came into the room, holding my macaroni and cheese. I whispered to her, “Can she honestly be sleeping?” We both looked over to you in disbelief. “She came in a second ago, and now she’s already knocked out.” I could hear the start of alarm in my voice.

Lily tiptoed over to your bed and bent down to check. She stood up and mouthed to me, “Sleeping.”

And maybe you’ll think I sound like a baby, but I felt your having fallen asleep as a personal loss. I’d been looking forward to your return all afternoon, and god, that sounds whiny, but there were so many things left unfinished.

I beckoned Lily over to my bedside and told her, “I’ve been sitting in the exact same spot all day. Are there wheelchairs around here? It would be really great if I could just look at the room from a different angle.”

Lily went away for a few minutes and came back with a wheelchair, which she helped me get into. You slept through all this, even though we were talking at normal level and my leg braces were hitting up against each other and everything. I could hardly believe your sleeping stamina. After I was settled in the chair, I practiced rolling myself backward and forward with my arms, and Lily seemed really proud.

“Now you can get your own magazines from the mantel,” she said.

I asked her, “Who would have thought I’d be so happy about being able to roll ten feet when I could run a thousand yesterday?”

She said she had to go do some paperwork, but if I got bored, I should roll myself to the door and knock, and we could hang out. She never got as far as brushing my hair, but she definitely wanted to throw some dessert in the microwave and shoot the shit.

Once I was alone, I turned myself in a half circle so that I could face you again. You still hadn’t moved a muscle, and, well, suffice it to say, I guess I knew I couldn’t be passive anymore. So I pulled my elbows back to put as much power into the push-off as possible (I also used my diaphragm training from all my years of singing), and then I flew across the floor and to the foot of your bed. One three-point turn, another push forward, and my nose was seriously only a foot from yours.

And, El, at first I was just going to get a good look at your face. That’s it, because I’d been so drugged out before, and you’d been sitting on the opposite side of the room, and your features had been almost bleached by the window’s glare. I reached out and placed both my hands underneath your left shoulder, the one that was closer to me. I slightly, slightly lifted your body. By doing this, I was able to bring a little more of your torso into view, but your face was still pressed down into the pillow, and I had to see it.

So then I tried again by lifting your shoulder back with more pressure, and I made sure to move really slowly so that you wouldn’t be jarred. I lifted and lifted, and it’s both hilarious and embarrassing picturing myself now, how stealthy I was being. If you really want to know how ridiculous I was, I did this for four minutes. Finally your chest was opened to me, and I had a look at your profile.

With the utmost care, I removed one of my hands from beneath your shoulder, and I began to work on your hips and legs, adjusting them so that I could get you arranged in a loosened fetal position. Since you balanced yourself that way, I was able to remove my other hand from your shoulder. To anyone else reading this, I must seem like the guy with the most minimal understanding of personal boundaries on the planet. But I knew you were the kind of person who would do the exact same thing, the kind of person who wouldn’t stop yourself from obtaining answers when you were painfully curious. Other people never got us and still wouldn’t. That I know for sure.

I put one hand up to your exposed cheek, and the other, millimeter by millimeter, I slid under your cheek that was still resting on the bed. Before I even had a full grasp on what I was doing, I was bending down to kiss you. I was thinking that you were such a beautiful sleeper.

When I realized that my lips were pressed to yours, I basically became paralyzed with shock at myself. I was in an alien situation, having no idea what to do, and I guess that’s why I just left my mouth there for a few seconds. And then suddenly convinced that I was going to wake you up, and that you’d hate me and never talk to me again, I decided to remove my lips using the same slow process I’d used before. I started to pull away, making the change gradual and jerky like I was a rusty garage door going up. My eyes were open the entire time, and I kept them focused on your fluttering eyelashes.

I had no idea that outside on the curb in front of Health Services, a huge group of my fellow a cappella singers was assembling. I know you probably just thought that it was a big mix of anonymous voices, but that was the Yale Whiffenpoofs, who were visiting Brown for the weekend (they’re really good), and they had joined up with the Bear Necessities because of me. We were originally supposed to have a midnight a capella competition against them, but my accident brought everyone together under one cause.

I almost had my lips removed from yours—almost. There was only a tiny bridge between our bottom lips. The room was totally silent. I remember the heater being on a break. Then the Whiffenpoofs/Bear Necessities started singing at full power, and I swear it was like war sirens bleating through the night.

“It used to seem to me—”

At “me,” your eyes flew open, and I thought, “Ohhhhhh shit” In my shock I stayed attached to your bottom lip, frozen like I was in the presence of a wild bear.

The Necessities and Whiffenpoofs sang:

“That my life ran on too fast—”

My mind raced to find an apology for you that would sound real and, above all, legitimate. I needed you to know that I had never been so instantly captivated by anyone, and I had never done anything like this before. You surprised me by not moving your face. The only part of you that did move was your eyes, which darted up and down my face.

Down below, the guys were continuing to make promises to me. Channeling Steven Winwood, they were belting, swearing to me that that I’d be “Back in the High Life Again.”

Shit, El, I was hoping that they were actually right about me getting better, but even more than that, I did want new doors opened to me—yours, specifically. Then, like you knew exactly what I needed, you lifted your head, bit my lower lip, and kissed me.