"Admiral on deck!"
The call echoed in my ears. I tugged my collar, uncomfortable at the attention I was getting.
"Glad you could make it, Admiral Dace," Lowell drawled. He was still unhappy at Paltronis for helping manipulate him into signing my papers. She'd insisted I have him make me an admiral. Her argument made sense at the time. Now I wasn't so sure. "Have a seat. We're just about ready to leave."
I took the seat next to him on the bridge of the ship. The crew was busy at their stations, preparing the ship for undocking.
My uniform was so new I could almost taste the starch still in it. It was black, Enforcer colors, but it had silver trim. And an admiral's stars on the collar. I wriggled my feet in the boots that came with it, calf high and glossy black. It all fit perfectly, but I still felt stifled and trapped.
Lowell sat back in his chair, nodding at the captain to confirm the undocking orders. The ship lurched as the station pushed us free.
"It was Paltronis' idea," I said as the engines revved up. The ship turned, curving away from the station.
"I didn't hear you objecting."
"You win, Lowell. You've got me in the Patrol. Isn't that what you wanted all along?"
"Somewhere in the middle I changed my mind. Too late now."
My hands itched to be at the pilot's station. I clenched them in my lap.
"We had a devil of a time figuring out the coordinates. As it is, we're still going to be flying mostly blind. There are half a dozen stars in that direction that could be the Trythian system. We're guessing."
"I trust your guesses more than most people's knowledge," I said.
"Thanks for the vote of confidence." He swiveled his chair to the side, signing orders one of the crew handed him.
We were leaving before the rest of the Fleet. They would follow in two days. The plan was that Lowell's flagship, a very fast Comet class, make a quick run past the planet. Partly it was to confirm we were in the right place. Mostly it was so they could drop me off. I'd have three days to make contact. Three days until Lowell brought the full Fleet and battle groups in. Depending on what I could convince them to do on Trythia, it would either be full war or peace negotiations.
The ship picked up speed, heading for jump point.
"You don't have to do this, Dace," Lowell said quietly, for my ears alone.
"Yes, I do," I contradicted him. "You know why."
"You don't trust me to get him out safely for you?"
"I trust you more than just about anyone. I still have to do it. I'm the only one who can make the contact. I'm the only one both sides will listen to. If they'll listen to anyone."
The ship slid through transition, into hyperspace. The momentary disorientation affected me more than it ever had. I swallowed hard, trying to keep memories of the nightmare flight in the Trythian ship from overwhelming me. We were through the interface, the twisting nausea was gone. I told my stomach over and over and barely convinced it.
"You look a little green," Lowell said.
"You read the reports of their drive, you should understand why." I shifted my feet in the unfamiliar boots.
"Go lie down, Dace. It's going to be a long week before we get there." He signaled an ensign and gave him the order to show me to my quarters.
I went. I did want to lie down. I didn't want to admit it to Lowell, though. I didn't want to show any weakness in front of him. He knew me much too well already.
I had a large cabin, for a Comet class ship. It had a private bathroom. The ensign opened the door for me.
"Your things are in the lockers," he said.
I thanked him and wondered what he meant. As far as I knew, I had the clothes I was wearing and nothing else. I popped open a locker.
Lowell had done his work thoroughly, as always. I had three more uniforms and several other sets of clothes, including underwear. It was all slightly too large. I'd lost more weight than I realized on Trythia. I was skin and bones. Lowell had also included a full personal kit, soaps and shampoos and lotions and makeup. What he expected me to do with most of it, I had no idea. He'd probably tell me before long. I shifted everything back where it belonged and lay down.
I didn't mean to actually fall asleep, but I did.
Someone nudged my foot. I blinked away another nightmare, roused too suddenly from sleep.
"You always sleep with your boots on?" Paltronis asked me with a grin.
"I didn't mean to fall asleep." I sat up and yawned, scratching a hand through my tangled hair.
"You're dining with the captain in half an hour," Paltronis said. "Lowell sent me to make certain you arrive on time."
Dining with the captain and officers was one chore I didn't want. I'd forgotten about those kinds of obligations that came with rank.
"So why did I want to be an admiral?" I grumbled.
"Because no one but Lowell could push you around. You'd rather be an ensign and have everyone giving you orders?" She found a hairbrush and handed it to me.
"Why aren't you an admiral then?"
"Because I'm Lowell's personal bodyguard. Nobody else dares give me orders."
"Nobody would dare even if you were an ensign," I added as I dragged the brush through my hair. She took it away from me. Within a few minutes she had my hair looking better than it had in months. "How come I can't get it to do that?"
"Because it's not afraid of you," Paltronis teased. She tugged my uniform straight. "You'll have them quaking in their boots when you walk in. Just think like an admiral."
I was escorted to the captain's mess by a very nervous ensign who couldn't have been much younger than me. He announced me at the door and saluted formally before he left. I wished I could escape with him. But this was what I had asked for. Playing Lowell's game was my only chance of making sure Tayvis got rescued. I straightened my shoulders and went in.
I managed to get through the dinner without spilling on myself. Dinner conversation was light, talk of celebrities and people I had never heard of. I sat between the captain and his watch commander and kept quiet.
Dinner was cleared away. I was half hoping I could leave. Lowell squashed any hope of that when he leaned forward across the table.
"Captain Burtyo," he began, "I don't believe you've been formally introduced yet. This is Admiral Dace. She was there, on Trythia."
They all turned to look at me. I gave Lowell a tight smile that promised payback in the near future.
"You were the one who stole their ship?" The captain was scrutinizing me more closely now. "I don't remember them mentioning you were an admiral."
"They didn't know," I said. "Those of us who work for Commander Lowell tend to be a bit unconventional about things like rank."
Lowell smothered a grin under his napkin.
"We had a chance to study their ship, briefly," Commander Veydin put in. She was a slender woman, with midnight dark hair in a perfect knot on her neck. Not a hair dared stray loose. She was the weapons commander for the ship. "Is there more that you can tell us? How big is their Fleet? Is it all at the planet? What weapons will we face?"
"I can give you guesses," I answered. "They weren't exactly open about such things with their slaves."
Eyes widened all around the table. Lowell leaned back, sipping his drink. I squelched an urge to smack him. He was too far away for me to kick under the table.
"You didn't let them read the files?" I asked Lowell.
"Need to know, Dace," he said. "There are abbreviated files available on the ship's computer. As Dace said, the reports are not very complete. From what we know, it's a miracle any of them managed to escape at all."
I ignored the stares I was getting. I would much rather be anonymous. Lowell was making certain the stories about me would spread. Again.
"What was it like? Being a slave," Captain Burtyo asked. The others leaned forward, anticipation on their faces as they waited for my answer.
"Unpleasant, mostly," I said. "The food left a lot to be desired."
It was protocol to wait for the highest ranking officer to leave the mess first. I had to remind myself that I outranked everyone except Lowell now. And he could stuff protocol somewhere sunshine didn't reach. I stood.
"If you'll excuse me," I said as politely as I could manage.
I didn't wait for their reply. I left the mess and found my way back to my cabin.
I yanked off my boots and lay on my bunk, throwing socks at the wall, pretending they were Lowell. Or maybe the wall should be Lowell. It wasn't very satisfying.
I couldn't really blame him. I'd gotten myself into this situation. He'd tried to keep me out. Even when he knew I was the best person to send back in. He was rubbing my face in it now, reminding me of just what it meant to enlist in the Patrol. Even as an admiral.
There was a soft knock on my cabin door. I could pretend I was asleep. The knock came again. I went to answer it, not bothering with my boots or with picking up the wadded up socks all over my bedroom.
The door slid open. Lowell stood in the hallway outside.
"What?" I asked him, leaning in the doorway.
"A word? Admiral?"
We were being watched. I saw them at either end of the corridor. Silver uniforms suddenly became busy as soon as I looked directly at them.
I stepped back. "You'll ruin my reputation, visiting me after hours."
"Your reputation? What about mine?" He came in and let the door slide shut behind him.
"It could only improve yours."
He sat on one of the low chairs and set a bottle on the table.
"I don't drink, Lowell."
"It's not what you think, Dace. Fruit juice, only the finest, freshly pressed for the Admiral."
"Or the High Commander. Will you quit rubbing it in? Please?" I turned my back on him, watching the vid screen on the wall. It showed a forest scene, placid and quiet. A bird glided through the scene, perching on a branch. "I did what I had to."
"You didn't have to do this, Dace."
I turned my back on the vid screen. "There isn't anyone else to send. They know me."
"Unfortunately you're right. But I could have found someone else. I could have found another way."
"You care that much about me, Grant?"
"I don't want Jasyn mad at me again. I had to tell her when your ship was overdue. I waited almost a month for you to come back."
"Well, I did come back."
"In style." He poured a glass of the juice and lifted it to me in a salute.
"Why are you here?"
"I can't just come for a drink with one of my peers?"
"Go drink with the captain."
He sat forward and put his glass on the table. The glass clicked on the hard surface. "Do you hate me that much?"
"I don't hate you. I haven't for some time now." I sat down in a chair, curling my feet under me.
"Would it help if I admitted I was wrong? You don't belong in the Patrol. You don't belong here. You should be on your ship with nothing more to worry about than where your next cargo is coming from."
"Regrets are a little late. And most of it wasn't your fault. I got into trouble all by myself."
He poured a glass of juice and handed it to me. I sipped it. It was cold, tart and sweet and thick all at once.
"So you finally admit it? Are you going to give me credit for getting you back out of trouble?"
"Tayvis did it, not you."
He chuckled and picked up his glass.
"He'll get through this, Dace. He's a survivor. Like you."
"He'd better. Or I'm going to haunt you for the rest of eternity." I lifted my glass to him in a silent salute.
"My mother warned me to watch out for strong willed women. I think I'm beginning to understand why."
"Did you ever marry?"
"Personal questions now, Dace?"
"You're sitting in my quarters, unchaperoned. What could be more personal?"
"You want me to ask the purser to join us? Or possibly the captain?"
I shrugged and ran my finger around the lip of the glass.
"You're barefoot," he said.
"And your point is?" I raised one eyebrow. I'd been practicing. "I'm also wearing a Patrol uniform. Neither is killing me."
"Not physically. Dace, I wish you hadn't pushed me into a corner."
"You created the corner."
"I didn't want it this way." He stood, holding his empty glass. "You can keep the bottle."
"Why did you really come tonight?" I looked up at him.
He studied me with his silver eyes, the only sign of our shared genetic heritage.
"I was lonely. I've missed you."
"I missed you, too, Lowell. I wished you'd come."
"With a full Fleet at my back?"
"I couldn't wish for Tayvis to come. He was already there. You were my next best hope."
"Second place," he said with a slight smile.
"You're a little old for me."
He threw back his head and laughed, a bright sound living entirely in that moment.
"Good night, Admiral," he said as he turned for the door.
"Good night, High Commander," I answered.
The door slid shut behind him, leaving me alone with my worries and doubts. I drowned them with fruit juice and went to bed.
I dreamed Shadita came crawling in with me. I woke to find a pair of my socks over my face. I threw them on the floor and rolled over. And slept.