Jim’s heart thumped in his chest, partly due to having drunk a can of energy drink, but mainly because a security guard had just entered the staff toilets where Jim was hiding.
‘Anyone still in here?’ barked the guard, and though of course Jim did not reply, the guard was not completely satisfied that the room was empty. First, he stooped to look under the doors. No feet could be seen. Jim was crouched on top of the toilet seat. Then the guard stood up and pushed open the cubicle doors, one after the other. Jim cursed himself for not locking his cubicle door, and then braced himself to be revealed as it swung open.
But the security guard did not see Jim. He was too busy looking at his reflection in the mirror on an adjacent wall. Until that morning, the security guard had had a formidable beard, but his new girlfriend had insisted he shave it off. Now he regretted it like mad. The guard stepped closer to the mirror, rubbed his newly smooth chin and realized he had liked his beard more than he liked his new girlfriend. Angry with himself, the guard growled as he switched out the lights and left the toilets.
Jim could not believe his luck. He had unwittingly been saved by a woman who didn’t like beards.
With enormous relief and excitement, Jim realized the museum was entirely his now, though he was only interested in one exhibit. And within minutes he’d found it. Residing alongside a broken office chair, a water cooler and life-size cut-outs of Uncle Pogo and Doody was the sin extractor. Jim had assumed getting access to it would be tricky, but an ‘incident’ surrounding the sin extractor a few days earlier had meant that it was being stored temporarily in a corridor right next to the staff toilets. Jim had no idea he had the monsters to thank for making his plan so much easier.
Jim removed the sheet of cardboard that had been placed over the device and gently lowered his right palm over the needles. He expected to find them as dull as old nails and was shocked to discover how fiercely sharp they were. Not only that, but, like a magnet, he could feel his hand being drawn to them.
Crouching beside the extractor, Jim reached underneath and picked up one of the copper test tubes held in the iron rack. It was inscribed with the word ‘ENVY’.
‘One of the deadly sins,’ said Jim, remembering what he’d seen on Doody’s documentary. He poked his finger inside, to find it dirty and empty, before replacing it in the rack with the others.
Jim stood up a little too quickly and was struck by a flash of dizziness. He grabbed the side of the sin extractor to steady himself, and its 350-year-old joints creaked under his weight. The cut-outs of Doody and Pogo watched as Jim took off his green army surplus jacket and dropped it on the floor. Next he took off his navy-blue knitted sweater, and then his black T-shirt. Glancing over his shoulder to make sure he was in alignment with the table, Jim took a deep breath and began slowly lowering himself backwards as if into a very hot bath. As his elbows were about to touch the edges of the table, Jim suddenly slipped and dropped heavily on to the needles with a horrid squelch. The pain was so sharp and so intense that Jim was paralysed. He couldn’t even move the air from his lungs to scream. It was pure blazing agony.
And then suddenly it wasn’t.
The agony was replaced by a rush of bliss. Tears of happiness sprang from Jim’s closed eyes and he groaned in ecstasy. He could not remember ever feeling so warm and safe, and when he opened his eyes he was no longer inside the Museum of London but lying in his father’s arms.