“How can you even say that?” David stared at Caroline. They’d both stopped at the head of the mud-logged trail leading into the woods. He’d been on his way out the door to check the level of the creek when Caroline had hinted she’d like to tag along. He’d been quick to invite her, since they’d barely had a chance to talk since the night of the fire. He’d seen her at church on Sunday, but she’d slipped away with Matthew and Emma before he’d had a chance to say anything other than a quick hello. She’d gone straight to her room once she’d arrived back at the ranch instead of joining in with the music-making with the ranch hands as she had last week. This morning she’d barely said two words at breakfast. Now he knew why.
“How long have you been planning to leave?” It was a stupid question to ask, but it was all his stunned brain could come up with.
Her gaze darted from his to stare through the rain falling around them into the woods. “David, you knew this was a possibility from the first.”
Her tone was conciliatory. He didn’t want to be consoled. A sudden thought filled him with hope. “You’re coming back, though, after the operetta is over?”
She gave a hesitant nod, then dashed his hopes. “To visit Matthew and Emma. Occasionally.”
In other words, not to visit him and not to stay. He turned away from her, clenched his jaw and tried to think. It was hard to do when the woman he’d planned on marrying was breaking off their...what exactly? He hadn’t gotten around to proposing, so they weren’t engaged. They weren’t even so much as officially courting. Yet she had his heart in her hands, and she knew that. He’d told her that the night of the fire. Or he would have if she’d allowed him to speak it. Instead he’d told her in his kiss. He’d thought the message was unmistakable. Maybe it hadn’t been. Maybe she’d misunderstood. Maybe he needed to be clearer.
He let his umbrella fall to the ground, then ducked beneath hers. She didn’t step away from him. She stood there with those mesmerizing hazel eyes of hers and let him search her face. Didn’t she know he’d see through that veneer of calm to the uncertainty and love beneath?
He closed his eyes, committing what he’d seen to memory. He forced himself to calm down. She was running scared. That much was obvious. He should be making it harder for her to leave instead of easier. Being angry wouldn’t accomplish that. Perhaps love could. Unfortunately, taking time to fortify himself had allowed her to do the same. Her expression had turned guarded. He’d broken those walls down before. He could do it again. He fell back on her truth teller—touch.
He traced her cheekbone with a gentle brush of his fingers, remembering how he’d wiped the tears from that cheek the first time they’d met. His fingers rounded to capture her chin like he had the night before last when she’d stubbornly insisted on traveling with him to the fire. He lowered his forehead until it hovered near hers. Then he kissed her with all his heart and soul. She kissed him back.
That was when he knew.
For her, this was a kiss goodbye.
Unwilling to accept it, he moved his hand to the small of her back. He pressed her closer, but the kiss was bittersweet and he couldn’t bear it. He let her go.
Their quickened breaths resounded over the steady rain. She’d lowered her umbrella at some point and, while she still held it in her grasp, it seemed all but forgotten. She released it to cradle his jaw. Sorrow filled her eyes and her voice. “I’m sorry, David. I do love—” She swallowed hard, then continued. “I do love this life I’ve been living, but it isn’t mine. I didn’t choose it. It just sort of happened to me.”
He couldn’t stop himself from taking her hand from his jaw to brush a kiss against it. Foolish as it might be, he might never have a chance to do it again. “Nothing is stopping you from choosing it now.”
“You should be stopping me. I’m not the woman you need, David. We both know that.”
He nearly laughed at the ridiculousness of her statement. “You’re everything I need, Caroline Murray.”
“David, don’t. You aren’t going to change my mind.” She tugged her hand from his and said the words he’d known would be inevitable. “I’m leaving. In two weeks, I’ll be boarding a train to Austin. Consider this my final notice. I’m staying for the triplets and Ida and Maggie. I don’t want to leave them in a lurch. However, I think it’s best that I stay at Matthew’s from now on. I’ll arrive in time for breakfast in the morning and leave after I put the triplets to bed. They’re sleeping through the night now, so they won’t know the difference.”
It would be hard enough being around her during the day. He nodded. “That’s probably for the best.”
“No more kissing or holding hands or flirting of any kind. Don’t look at me like that. This isn’t about how your charm may or may not affect me. It’s because anything less would be inappropriate for an employer and his employee. More important, I don’t want to confuse Maggie. She knows nothing of this. I don’t want that to change.”
“I understand.” He took a deep breath and forced the tension in his jaw to ease. “Just let me be the one to tell Maggie that you’re leaving.”
With a nod, she lifted her umbrella back into place and calmly walked back toward the house. He watched her until she disappeared behind a veil of rain. This was not how things were supposed to turn out. Yet she had made her decision and he had no choice but to accept it. There would be no trying to win her back for all the reasons she’d so aptly outlined. Their breakup had happened so fast. It seemed almost surreal.
He left his umbrella where it had fallen and walked down to the creek. The water level was as high as one might expect it to be after the almost nonstop rain they’d had since Saturday night. He wasn’t sure why he’d bothered to check in the first place. Maybe just to assure himself there would be some relief from the drought.
With that done, he left his umbrella in the house and grabbed his slicker instead. He rode with the ranch hands for most of the day. He didn’t want to go back into the house, but he couldn’t put it off any longer. A man had to eat.
Ignoring the music in the parlor, David slipped unnoticed into his room and changed into dry clothes. Caroline’s melodic singing seeped through the closed door. It was too muffled for him to understand the lyrics. Nevertheless, her voice drew him. He crossed the hall to find a living picture of everything he’d hoped his future would hold.
His mother sat at the piano with Theo on her lap. He joined in the accompaniment by pressing a key or two whenever he so pleased. Meanwhile, Maggie helped Eli balance on his feet while also managing to do a little jig that really should have gone with a faster-tempo song than what was being sung. If his grin was any indication, Eli didn’t seem to mind a bit.
David’s gaze finally settled where it had wanted to all along. Caroline had Jasper perched on her hip with one arm securing him there while the other held his hand as though he were a full-size dance partner. She swayed back and forth as she continued singing, “Poor wandering one! If such poor love as mine can help thee find true peace of mind, why, take it. It is thine!”
David crossed his arms over his chest, steeling himself as she continued her melodic encouragements. His ma seemed to be the only one aware that he was standing there, but of course she was too busy playing the piano to do much else. Caroline whirled in a circle. “Take any heart—take mine!”
Her gaze finally caught upon his. She swallowed the next note. She blinked as a blush rose to her cheeks. “I’m sorry, David. Did we disturb you?”
Did she disturb him? He clenched his teeth as he faced the fact that he was a world-class idiot. Here he was nursing a broken heart over a woman who was in the next room dancing for joy and practicing the song she’d sing in the operetta she’d chosen over him. A punch in the gut would have been less painful. To his shame, his eyes began to smart. Not since Laura had he made this much of a fool of himself over a woman so utterly uncaring of the havoc she’d wrought in him.
“David.” His mother’s sharp voice drew his attention. “Don’t you have that Lone Star Cowboy League meeting in town tonight?”
He nodded. Taking the excuse for what it was, he turned on his heel and grabbed his hat on the way out the door. He’d forgotten all about the meeting. Couldn’t care less about it, to be honest. It was an escape, though, and one he sorely needed.
* * *
David slipped into the back of the church right as Lula May called the meeting to order. He had a hard time concentrating on any of it until Casper Magnuson took the floor. The man cleared his voice a few times, but it still shook a little as he spoke. “I don’t know how many of y’all have heard the news, but Saul Hauser got caught in a gully washer last night. He drowned.”
David was stunned. He could hardly comprehend it. The weather had gone from a drought to a flood capable of drowning a man in a matter of days. It was stranger still to know Saul was dead. He’d seen the man at church yesterday. They had only been nodding acquaintances if that. Still, David’s voice added to the murmur of sympathy and concern that swept through the crowd.
Casper swallowed hard. “Saul was a good man. He was my best friend. He was also a widower with three children.”
A widower with children. Gone in a matter of moments. His children left to the mercy of those in the community. David’s heart gave a little flip, then sank to his stomach. He stopped slouching in his seat and grasped on to the back of the pew in front of him.
Casper stared at the floor. “My wife and I have taken them in for now. With four teenagers of our own, we can’t afford to keep them long-term. The reality of the situation has made me realize that...well...”
Casper glanced up and met David’s gaze. “I was wrong to shoot down David McKay’s idea of a children’s home. We need one in this community. I know that financing it could be a challenge, but I think it ought to be reconsidered.”
Shocked, David glanced around the room to find that everyone looked as surprised at the turn of events as David felt. Even so, David squared his shoulders and met the challenge head-on when Casper gave David a prodding nod. David stood. “Casper was right to worry about the financial aspects of the children’s home project the first time. I admit that I got caught up in the idea. It ran away with me. My feet are firmly planted in reality now.”
David squared his shoulders. “We don’t need a lot of bells and whistles to make the idea work. Children in dire need don’t care about those things. All they want is a roof over their head, food in their belly and someone to love them. The Lone Star Cowboy League can provide that. Perhaps not entirely on our own, but if we coordinate the effort and open it up to the community, I believe we can find a way.”
“I’ll help,” Brandon Stillwater said from the back of the church. He’d joked before about how being the pastor gave him the prerogative to sit in on any meeting taking place inside the church. David was glad Brandon had chosen to do so this time for the preacher continued. “I’ll lead the community involvement for the undertaking if David leads it for the LSCL. Between all of us, we’ll find a way to make it happen.”
David shot his friend a grin and gave him a grateful nod before glancing back at Casper. Even Casper, grieving as he was, seemed unable to hold back a smile. He turned to Lula May. “Shall we bring it to a vote?”
It passed unanimously.
Little Horn was getting a children’s home. After promising to get together to discuss the details soon, Brandon left with Casper to help comfort the bereaved children. David stayed to talk with anyone and everyone who approached him, wanting to put off retuning home for as long as possible. He tensed when Matthew approached, then released a breath of relief when the man merely congratulated him on the children’s home idea before moving on.
By the time David arrived back at the ranch, everyone had gone to sleep. He padded up the stairs to check on Maggie. She was only half asleep and reached out her hand toward him. He took it as he kneeled beside her bed. “I’m sorry I missed tucking you in.”
She pointed to her forehead. He leaned over to give it a kiss. She sighed, then took her hand back to snuggle it under her pillow. “Why are you mad at Miss Caroline?”
He smiled. Leave it to his daughter to cut right to the chase. “That’s grown-up business, sweetheart. Nothing you need to worry about.”
She stared into his eyes through her sleep-laden lashes. Something she saw there must have prompted her suspicion. Her brow furrowed. Her mouth stretched into a frown as desperation filled her voice. “Please don’t be mad at Miss Caroline. I love her. I want her to be my mommy.”
“Maggie,” he said as gently as possible. “Miss Caroline has to go back to Austin in a couple of weeks. We knew that all along.”
“No.”
“Yes.” His tone brokered no argument, then softened again. “We enjoyed having her here. I want you to keep enjoying it until the very last minute before she leaves. Promise?”
“Yes, but—”
“Hush, baby.” His fingers trembled slightly as they smoothed over her brow. “Go to sleep.”
“I want a mommy. I want Miss Caroline. Please, Daddy.” Her eyes filled with tears that spilled over. “I’ve waited and waited and prayed and prayed.”
He swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. “I know, baby. I know. I’m sorry.”
He wiped away the tears on her cheeks and hushed her again. Then because it worked for the triplets, he sang Maggie a quiet lullaby until she went to sleep. He waited a few more minutes before sneaking out of the room. He closed the door softly behind him. His hand covered his aching heart as he padded down the stairs to his room. He sat on his bed and stared unseeingly into the darkness.
“Lord, what do I do?” he whispered.
The echo of Maggie’s words seemed to fill the darkness. I want a mommy. I want Miss Caroline. Please, Daddy.
He lit the lamp on his nightstand, then opened the first drawer. Moving his Bible aside, he picked up the letter beneath it. Elizabeth Dumont—willing to accept a business arrangement instead of a marriage. Ready to come as soon as he sent for her. It was almost too easy.
Maggie would have the mother she longed for. He’d have the assurance that he wouldn’t leave his daughter an orphan should the worst ever happen. His mother would have the help she needed around the house. The triplets would have a caretaker until the children’s home was built or they found a permanent family. As for Elizabeth, she would sleep in the nursery. He could smile, be polite and kind. He wouldn’t have to trust her with his heart. He’d know better than to love her. He’d treat her as he would a sister. He could even go so far as to give her a kiss on the cheek at the wedding.
This was the solution. No more doubting or procrastinating. He’d made his decision.
The very next morning he sent Elizabeth a telegram apologizing for, though not explaining, the delay and asking her to come. An hour later, she responded that she would. She’d need a week to wrap up her affairs, then she’d travel to Little Horn. He wired her the money for the trip.
It was done.
Now he just had to share the news with Maggie and his mother and put his broken heart back together before she arrived.
* * *
Caroline arrived at the McKay ranch the next morning with no small amount of trepidation. Yesterday had been difficult to say the least. Her mind kept circling back to the moment she’d finally noticed David standing in the doorway of the parlor. It was obvious what his impression of her lighthearted act had been. That was all it had been, though. An act. She hadn’t been Caroline in that moment. She’d been trying to portray Mabel—a carefree, innocent, if slightly dim, character from the operetta. Apparently, she’d assumed the part a little too well.
Surely David thought she was heartless, that she’d been playing with his affections this entire time. She might not be willing to trust her feelings or follow where her heart was leading her, but that didn’t mean she was emotionless. Although, truth be told, she did feel rather numb and confused.
She’d never had the ability to hurt anyone. No one had cared enough to give her that much power over their emotions. It was a strange feeling and one she abhorred, to be the cause of someone else’s heartbreak. Yesterday, it had taken all her strength not to rush after him and do everything she could to ease his pain even if it meant making promises she shouldn’t keep.
With a tremulous sigh, she braced herself against whatever the day might bring and paused on the porch to remove her muddy boots. She entered the house feeling more like the visitor she’d first been than the almost family she’d like to think she’d become. She padded past David’s closed bedroom door to step into the kitchen. Ida glanced up from the open oven with a friendly “Good morning.”
“Good morning.” She scanned the rest of the room.
“David has already left—probably for the day. Though why he needed to go to town in this weather is beyond me.”
Caroline rubbed away the few drops of rain still clinging to her arms. “I never said I was looking for David.”
“Looking to avoid him, more likely. That must have been quite a fight y’all had.” Ida removed the pan of biscuits from the oven and set it on the stovetop. Glancing over her shoulder, she lifted an eyebrow. “Oh, don’t look so surprised. I know y’all were courting.”
“How did you know? Did he tell you?”
“He didn’t need to tell me. I have eyes, don’t I?” Ida turned to face Caroline, then leaned back against the counter. “So what happened?”
“I told him I was going home in two weeks.” She took an apron from the drawer and tied it around her waist. “I shouldn’t have gotten involved in the first place when my real life is in Austin.”
“Your real life? Hmm. And what have you been living since you came to Little Horn?”
“A sabbatical of sorts, I suppose?” She opened the can of peaches.
“I see.” Ida turned away and began cracking eggs into a mixing bowl. “So now it’s over and you’re going back to Austin.”
“That sums it up.” Caroline found a small jar and drained the peach syrup into it.
For a moment the only sound in the kitchen was the rasp of Ida whisking the eggs while Caroline chopped the fruit. Finally, Ida glanced up at her with a smile that was half amused, half compassionate. “Are you telling me my son really believed that load of nonsense?”
Caroline froze. “Nonsense? It isn’t nonsense. It’s the truth.”
“The truth.” Releasing a soft laugh, she set down the whisk to look at her. “Do you know that in the entire time you’ve lived in this house you haven’t mentioned the name of one single friend waiting for you to return to Austin?”
“I...” Caroline set the knife aside and leaned her hip against the counter. “What does that have to do with anything?”
Ida’s voice softened. “Who was the maid of honor at your wedding?”
“I didn’t have one.” She rushed to explain. “Nico didn’t have a best man, either, though. Neither of us felt it was necessary.”
Ida nodded. “Is there anyone you’re particularly looking forward to seeing when you get back to Austin?”
“My parents.”
“Are you close to them?”
“No, I’m not close to my parents.” The truth was she hardly saw them even though she lived in their house. That had always been the case, so she was used to it.
“And your former fiancé? Was he your first beau?”
“Yes.” He was the first man who’d ever cared about her. Only, he hadn’t cared, had he? She frowned. “Why are you asking me all of this?”
“I’m trying to find out if my suspicions about you are true.”
“What suspicions are those?” She folded her arms while fighting away the tears trying to blur the edges of her vision. “That no one in my life cares about me?”
“Oh, dear, of course not.” Ida reached out to touch Caroline’s arm. “My suspicion was only that you are far too used to being alone.”
What was the use of denying it anymore? She turned back to the peaches and began to chop them with too much force. “I suppose your suspicions are right, then. I am used to being alone—so much so that I hardly notice it anymore.”
Would that still be true when she went back? Or would the time she’d spent here make the aloneness all the more acute? She shook away the thought. “Maybe that’s why it was so easy for Nico to become my whole world. There was no one else in it.”
“But that isn’t true anymore. You have plenty of people in your life who love you. It’s just that most of them happen to be right here in Little Horn.” Ida frowned at Caroline’s disbelieving laugh. “It’s true. You have friends here with the potential to make even more. You have family here—your brother and his wife with a brand-spanking-new niece or nephew on the way who will be predisposed to love you, too. And you have the McKays.
“Caroline, each one of us loves you—especially my son.” Ida shook her head in amazement. “I’ve never seen him as happy and content as he was when the two of you were together. I’ve also never seen him so utterly distracted by a woman. He couldn’t keep his eyes off you.”
She found herself searching Ida’s sincere brown eyes. “Really?”
Ida smiled and gave a small nod. “Caroline, my dear, it would be a real shame to throw all of that away. Especially if it’s only for the sake of returning to your former life because that’s what is normal and expected of you by people more concerned with themselves than with your best interest. Who are you trying to make happy with that decision, by the way? It doesn’t seem to be you because, despite what David might have seen yesterday, you’ve looked plumb miserable.”
Caroline sighed. “I don’t think I’m trying to please anyone. It’s just that... I’m scared. I’ve never cared about anyone like this before. The closest I came was with Nico. I couldn’t stand it if this blew up in my face like that did. It would be so much easier to walk away now before it has the chance.”
“What does God have to say about that?”
“I’m not sure. I’ve prayed for direction, but...” She shrugged. “Sometimes God uses circumstances to provide direction, like me getting that role in the operetta.”
“True. And sometimes circumstances distract us from what God is truly trying to lead us to do.”
“How do we know the difference?”
“We stop listening up here.” Ida gently tapped Caroline’s forehead. “And listen down here.”
Caroline lifted a brow as Ida poked her. “With our stomachs?”
Ida laughed. “No, with our spirit. There’s a verse in the Bible that says it’s the Holy Spirit that works within us to will and to do according to His good purposes. Submit your will to His. Follow His peace.”
The sound of the front door opening and closing brought the conversation to a halt. David had returned. Her resistance melted a little more at the sight of him. His face was a study of weariness and defeat. His broad shoulders tensed when he caught sight of her before he seemed to consciously make them relax. He ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s a maelstrom out there.”
Ida shook her head. “There’s no sign of it slowing down?”
“Not in the least.” David finally met Caroline’s gaze. “How did you get here?”
“Matthew brought me by the main road. He didn’t trust the creek.”
He gave a nod of approval. “It’s probably ready to overflow its banks by now.”
“Caroline, did you hear David’s big news?”
She shook her head. She didn’t bother to mention that this was the first time they’d really spoken since she’d ended their courtship. Instead she looked to him for clarification. “The LSCL decided to go ahead with the children’s home after all.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful!” Knowing how much that must mean to him, she reached out to squeeze his arm.
He smiled and all the trouble between them seemed to melt away for one brief, shining moment. Then his gaze clouded. It faltered. He glanced down at the hand she’d placed on his arm. No touching. That had been their agreement. She wasn’t sure what was worse—that she’d been the first who crossed the line or that she’d been the one to draw it in the first place.
She forced herself to release him and take a step back. “I should go check on the triplets.”
Sounding slightly amused, Ida said, “Yes, and send Maggie down, too.”
Caroline was nearly at the top of the stairs before she heard Ida say, “She’s in love with you, you know.”
David’s voice was more like a growl. “I’m not having this discussion.”
“Good. Don’t talk. Just listen and think about it from her perspective...”
“Oh, Ida,” Caroline whispered in exasperation. Shaking her head at Ida’s meddling, she knocked on Maggie’s door. “Wake up, sleepyhead.”
When the girl didn’t respond, Caroline opened the door. The covers of the bed had been thrown back. Her nightgown lay in a puddle on the bed. Dresser drawers were pulled halfway out of the chest as if the girl had donned her clothes in a hurry. The window was open, allowing the storm to spit its fury all over the room.
Alarm filled Caroline. “David!” she shouted. “Maggie’s gone.”