Interacting with Others
at Work and at Play
Issues of Prejudice and Tolerance
Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines prejudice as “preconceived judgment or opinion, an adverse opinion or leaning formed without grounds or before sufficient knowledge, an irrational attitude or hostility directed against an individual, a group, a race or their supposed characteristics.”
Irrational is pretty much the keyword here. Prejudice doesn’t have anything to do with rational thought. It is based in ignorance, fear, and hate—all bad stuff, as far as I am concerned, and definitely irrational.
If you are living openly as a Witch, sooner or later you are going to run into prejudice—probably sooner. How much and how bad it is will depend in part on factors like where you live and who you generally associate with, as well as how “out” you actually are as a Pagan. A discreet pentacle around your neck will draw a lot less attention than a giant horned god tattoo on your arm and a bumper sticker that reads, “Doing my bit to piss off the religious right.” (I love that one. But no, it’s not on my car.)
To some extent, you can control how much prejudice you will face; you can keep a lower profile if you live in an area that is predominately Christian and conservative, for instance, or be openly Pagan in your social life but not at work.
I am pretty fortunate in my own situation. Although I live in a generally conservative area (more Republicans than Democrats, and over twenty churches of one denomination or another in my little town alone), there are two colleges here as well, which tend to draw a more liberal element.
My “day job” is as executive director and manager of the Artisans’ Guild, a local cooperative shop that a friend and I founded almost ten years ago. In addition to running the shop, I also make jewelry as one of the fifty artists/members—and people expect artists to be a little odd and unconventional, so no one is all that worried about my being a Witch.
I am firmly out of the broom closet; my previous books are on display right next to my jewelry, and I usually wear one of the pentacle necklaces I design. Most of the customers and the other artists seem to take it all in stride.
On the other hand, I make an effort to be low-key about the whole thing and never impose my personal beliefs on the store as a whole. Although we have a number of Pagan members, most of the artists follow more conventional religious paths, and it wouldn’t be fair to turn the shop in a direction that would make many of its members uncomfortable.
I do get a number of questions from the curious, and every once in a while someone looks at me a little strangely, but for the most part, my being a Witch hasn’t caused a problem. Even my born-again Christian ex-in-laws seem to accept me as I am.
Not everyone is this lucky, however, and most Witches run into prejudice from time to time. (It happens to me too, but thankfully just not often.) I believe most prejudice stems from one of two sources: ignorance and hatred. These two things are not mutually exclusive, of course, and some people manage both at once, but one or the other is usually dominant.
Of the two, ignorance is probably easier to deal with and more likely to be fixable. Someone who believes the traditional propaganda about Witches worshipping the devil can be educated about the differences between Witches and Satanists, informed that Witches don’t even believe in Satan, and told about the rule of “harm none.” If the person in question has a reasonably open mind, it is possible to turn prejudice into tolerance, and eventually, maybe even to acceptance.
The best way to respond to prejudice that stems from ignorance is to be polite, friendly, and nonconfrontational. Remember that every opportunity you take to re-educate and enlighten someone who doesn’t understand us benefits the Pagan community as a whole. And while we do not believe in pushing our religion on anyone else, we do believe in spreading the light of truth about Wicca, Paganism, and Witchcraft.
Prejudice that is rooted in hatred can be more difficult to deal with. Hatred comes from fear, and fear is much more difficult to eliminate than ignorance. (Think about the prejudice that has been aimed at Jews, African Americans, and various other ethnic and religious groups over the centuries.)
Fear is irrational and often has roots that run deep into childhood and the way we were brought up. It is one thing to watch a lot of bad Hollywood movies about so-called Satanic Witches and another thing entirely to be raised to believe that anyone who calls themselves a Witch is evil and untrustworthy.
You might be able to talk sense to the person who watched too many bad movies; most people realize that much of what they see on the big screen is imaginary. But how do you change the mind of someone who is absolutely certain that you are a threat to everything that they believe in?
Sadly, sometimes you can’t. If you are fortunate, you may be able to arrive at some sort of truce and agree to disagree.
As I mentioned before, my ex-in-laws are born-again Christians, as is my ex-brother-in-law, whom I consider a friend. We get along fine as long as we avoid a few tricky topics of conversation, like most issues of politics and religion. I know that he thinks I have a weird religion. He knows that I think he has a weird religion. We also have a genuine affection for each other and have simply decided not to let our differences stand in the way of our friendship.
But what if you come up against prejudice that you can’t learn to live with or someone who refuses to accept that it is possible to be both a Witch and a decent human being?
Well, obviously, if the situation is temporary or unimportant, like someone you happen to end up talking to at a party, the best thing to do is shrug and walk away. After all, you can’t please everyone all the time. And if you can’t change the person’s mind, there is not much to be gained by banging your head against a brick wall. (Unless you happen to like that kind of thing.)
If you are in a situation you can’t walk away from, like having a coworker who dislikes or distrusts you simply because you are a Witch—and not just because you keep taking the last doughnut—that can be a great deal tougher.
In such a case, the best that you can hope for is that by consistently behaving in a pleasant, professional, and honorable manner, you will prove to your coworker that his fears and biases are unfounded. Of course, you could be unpleasant, argumentative, and occasionally threaten to turn him into a toad, but that is hardly likely to improve things, now, is it?
There are going to be times when prejudice is a serious problem, but I can’t think of any instance when responding with calmness and courtesy isn’t the best way to cope.
Let’s face it; there are plenty of people out there who have no idea—or all the wrong ideas—of what it means to be a Witch. The best way that we can combat prejudice is to show the world that we are human beings just like them; that we love our partners and our children, harm none, value our word, and try to live our beliefs in a positive and life-affirming way.
If prejudice is based on ignorance and fear, our best bet at getting rid of it is to educate those around us and show them that there is nothing to be afraid of. There is, however, one response to prejudice that never, ever works, and that is to hate back.
There was an incidence of prejudice I came across this week that particularly resonated with this topic. I thought it was an interesting “coincidence” that it happened to come up just as I was writing this chapter—obviously, the gods thought I was missing the bigger picture.
You see, the prejudice in this case wasn’t coming from one of “them.” It came from one of “us.”
I was at my local credit union, chatting with one of the women who worked there as she processed my deposit. She noticed my pentacle and mentioned that she, too, was a Witch, although she didn’t practice as much now as she used to. In the course of our conversation, we talked about a few different Pagan topics, and she seemed quite pleasant. Right up until the point when she said vehemently, “I hate Catholics.”
Ouch. Since I didn’t know this woman, and we were in a public, professional setting, I didn’t feel free to get into a major discussion on the matter, so I just ignored it, finished my business, and left. But what I really wanted to say was this: “You’ve met every Catholic there is? Really? Because otherwise, how could you be sure you hate them all? And isn’t hate a pretty rough word?”
Clearly, this woman felt strongly about Catholics. I’m guessing that at some point she’d had a bad experience, or maybe more than one, with someone who was Catholic. But to decide that all Catholics were terrible and worthy of such a negative emotion as hate (and to feel so strongly about it that she would tell a complete stranger) was almost certainly not merited by whatever that experience had been.
She’s not the first Pagan I’ve come across who harbored strong negative feelings and opinions toward other established religions or Christians in particular. There are plenty of Witches who are still mad at all Christians because of the Burning Times, for instance. But that would be as if I hated all Germans because of the Holocaust, which would be just ridiculous. Heck, most of the Germans alive now weren’t even born when that happened, and you know none of the current Christians were around for the Burning Times.
Yes, there are some folks who are prejudiced against Witches, and certainly the more fundamental Christians often feed the fires of ignorance and hatred. But do we really want to stand around those fires and add our own fear, anger, and close-mindedness to the flames? I sure as Hades hope not.
Instead, let’s act toward others as we would like them to act toward us. (Yes, that’s the familiar Golden Rule—Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.) Remember that all of us are human beings, flawed and imperfect. And yet we have much more in common with each other than we have things that set us apart. And the gods love us all, no matter what religious path we happen to choose, and I firmly believe they want us to love each other.
So let us walk away from the fire of prejudice, which will only turn around and burn us in the end. Instead, let’s send out the warmth of love and kindness. Remember, what you put out is what comes back to you. Which would you rather have when it comes around again? I vote love. How about you?
Something to Think About:
Is there any group of people that you are prejudiced against? Did that group as a whole do something to harm you, or was it really just one or two people? Did they act out of ignorance or fear? If it was ignorance, is there anything that you can do to educate them? If it was fear, can you make them less afraid? And if you can’t, can you turn your hatred into compassion? After all, think how unpleasant it is to be afraid.
Something to Try:
If you know someone who is prejudiced against you because you are a Witch, try reaching out to them. Maybe you can find some common ground, like a love of gardening, pets, or your children. If the situation is so bad that you do not feel you can reach out in person, try taking a few moments every day to visualize them and send them love. (Keep in mind that you do not need to like someone in order to love them.) You might be surprised at what happens. This simple act can sometimes work miracles.